ADVICE 


YOUNG  LADIES 


ON    THEIR 


DUTIES  AND  CONDUCT  IN  LIFE. 


T:s3  ARTHUR, 

AUTHOR    OF    "  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    MEN,"    "  THE    MAIDEN, 
"  WIF:?,"  and  "  MOTHER,'    &0    &C. 


BOSTON: 

PHILLIPS,  SAMPSON,  &  CO 

no  WASHINGTON  STREET. 

1849. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1847, 
By   Elias  Howe, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of 

Massachusetts. 


iTEREOTYPED  AT  THE 
BOSTON  TTPE  AND  STEREOTYPE  FOUKDRY. 


CONTENTS. 


Chapter.  Page. 

I.    Introduction, 5 

II.     Right  Views  of  Life, 9 

III.  Entering  upon  Life, 19 

IV.  Habits  of  Order  and  Neatness, 36 

V.  Domestic  and  culinary  Affairs,  ....     43 

VI.     Improvement  of  the  Mind, 57 

VII.     External  Condition, 65 

VIII.     GossippiNG  and  Evil-Speaking, 79 

IX.     Dress, 91 

X.     Health, 95 

XI.     Brothers, 107 

XII.     Conduct  towards  Parents, 114 

XIII.  Equality  of  the   Sexes, 124 

XIV.  Conduct  towards  Men, 134 

XV.  Character  of  the  Men  who  are   re- 
ceived AS  Visitors, 145 

XVI.  Receiving  Attentions  from  Men,....   152 

XVII.     Early  Marriages, 161 

XVIII.     Marriage, 167 

XIX.     The  Year  after  Marriage, 185 

XX.     A  common  Mistake, 191 

XXI.     Conclusion, 195 


ADVICE   TO   YOUNG  LADIES 


CHAPTER  I. 


INTRODUCTION. 


Right  modes  of  thinking  are  the  basis  of  all 
correct  action.  This  is  just  as  true  of  one  sex 
as  the  other.  Although  man  has  the  power  of 
abstract  thought  and  the  faculty  of  reasoning  in 
a  higher  degree  than  woman,  yet  woman  is  none 
the  less  a  rational  being,  and  must,  in  all  the 
various  relations  in  life,  come  under  the  guidance 
of  right  reason.  It  is  from  this  cause  that  we 
shall,  in  addressing  our  young  friends  on  their 
duties  and  conduct  in  life,  appeal  at  once  to 
their  rational  faculty.  Specific  forms  and  rules 
of  action,  to  be  observed  on  certain  occasions, 
are  very  well  as  far  as  they  go ;  but  a  mere  for- 
mulary of  good  manners  and  right  conduct  is  a 
poor  substitute  for  that  enlightened  reason,  by 
which  a  woman  can  at  once  determine  for  her- 
1* 


6 


ADVICE    TO.   YOUNG    LADIES. 


self  how  she  should  speak  and  act  under  any 
and  all  circumstances. 

In  society,  as  well  as  in  books,  we  constantly 
hear  it  said  that  a  young  lady  should  act  thus 
and  thus  in  a  specified  case ;  but  a  sound  reason 
why  she  should  thus  act  is  too  rarely  given. 
She  is  expected  to  take  the  mere  dictum  of  those 
more  experienced  than  herself,  whether  the  rea- 
sonableness of  the  thing  be  apparent  to  her  own 
mind  or  not.  The  consequence  is,  that  what 
parents  and  friends  see  and  declare  to  be  right, 
a  young  lady  too  often  thinks  an  indifferent 
matter,  and,  led  on  by  her  inclinations  or  pecu- 
liar temperament,  sees  no  harm  in  acting  directly 
in  opposition  to  the  views  and  wishes  of  those 
older  and  wiser  than  herself  Many  fatal  errors 
have  arisen  from  this  cause.  The  advice  thus 
given  is,  in  most  cases,  good ;  but,  being  unac- 
companied by  a  comprehensible  reason,  it  is  not 
regarded  when  it  opposes  a  strong  inclination  to 
act  differently. 

Right  modes  of  thinking  are  the  basis  of  all 
correct  action.  This  we  repeat,  as  a  most  im- 
portant truism,  and  one  v/hich  every  young  lady 
should  regard  as  the  foundation  upon  which  her 
whole  character  should  be  laid.  If  she  do  not 
think  right,  how  can  she  act  right?  To  learn 
to  think  right,  is,  therefore,  a  matter  of  primary 


INTRODUCTION. 


concern.  If  there  be  right  modes  of  thinking, 
right  actions  will  follow  as  a  natural  conse- 
quence. To  aid  in  the  attainment  of  this  most 
desirable  state,  is  one  of  the  objects  which  will 
be  kept  in  view  by  the  writer,  who  will  seek 
rather  to  give  principles  of  action  than  rules  of 
conduct ;  although  the  latter  will  not  be  entirely 
neglected. 

False  views  of  life  every  where  prevail.  We 
meet  with  them  in  our  daily  intercourse,  in  the 
social  circle,  and  in  books.  From  these  flow 
many  and  various  errors  in  life,  the  effects  of 
which  are  often  felt  when  it  is  too  late  to  remedy 
them.  And  too  frequently  it  happens  that  the 
sad  experiences  of  a  whole  lifetime  fail  to  correct 
the  original  error,  or  give  the  ability  to  guard, 
by  right  precepts,  the  young  and  inexperienced. 
It  is  from  this  reason,  that,  in  giving  advice, 
many  persons,  who  have  attained  an  advanced 
age,  urge  the  opposite  extreme  of  their  own 
early  life  as  the  true  mode  of  conduct. 

The  foundation  of  all  error,  in  regard  to  life, 
lies  in  a  single  misconception  —  that  of  imagining 
self  to  be  the  centre,  instead  of  clearly  under- 
standing that  each  individual  is  only  a  part  of 
a  great  whole,  a  member  of  a  common  body. 
This  is  a  truth  so  essential  to  the  well-being  of 
society,  and  to  the  happiness  of  each  individual, 


8 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


that  it  will  be  kept  prominent  throughout  this 
volume.  It  is  a  truth  as  essential  to  a  woman's, 
as  to  a  man's  happiness. 

Feeling  and  perception  are  the  peculiar  dis- 
tinguishing features  of  a  woman's  mind  ;  and  by 
these,  more  than  by  a  process  of  reasoning  on  a 
subject,  does  she  ordinarily  arrive  at  conclu- 
sions, and  determine  her  actions.  By  virtue  of 
this  her  peculiar  form  of  mind,  she  is  able,  in 
most  cases,  to  determine  a  question  of  right  and 
wrong  correctly ;  but  this  she  cannot  always  do : 
her  reason  must,  after  all,  be,  in  the  main,  a 
guide  to  her  perceptions ;  and  this  reason,  to  be 
an  unfailing  guide,  must  be  enlightened  by  truth. 
There  must  be  true  modes  of  thinking,  or  there 
cannot  be  uniform,  correct  action.  The  one  is 
absolutely  essential  to  the  other. 

Our  fair  young  friends  will  see,  by  these  few 
introductory  remarks,  that  we  shall,  as  already 
said,  address  their  reason.  It  is  the  highest  gift 
bestowed  upon  them  by  God.  It  is,  in  fact,  that 
which  makes  a  man  or  a  woman  distinctively 
human.  For  a  woman  to  think  in  her  sphere,  is 
as  essential  as  for  a  man  to  think  in  his  ;  and  the 
more  truths  she  has  fropi  which  to  think,  the 
more  accurate  will  be  her  conclusions.  Still, 
there  is  a  very  great  difference  between  the  mind 
of  a  woman  and  the  mind  of  a  man  —  a  difference 


RIGHT    VIEWS    OF    LIFE. 


9 


that  all  should  clearly  see,  and  which  we  shall 
set  forth  in  its  proper  place. 


dHAPTER   II. 


RIGHT    VIEWS    OF    LIFE. 

A  RELIGIOUS  view  of  life  ought  to  he  taken,  in 
the  beginning,  by  every  woman.  What  is  meant 
here  by  a  religious  view,  is  simply  the  forming 
of  a  correct  idea  of  the  true  relation  of  man  to 
man,  and  of  man  to  his  Creator.  Such  a  rela- 
tion does  exist,  and  it  is  essential  to  the  well- 
being  of  every  one  to  understand  it.  Blindly  to 
shut  all  this  out,  and  to  press  forward  in  thought- 
less uncertainty,  is  surely  not  the  course  which 
a  wise  man  or  a  wise  woman  would  take.  As 
we  are  created  beings,  there  must  be  an  orderly 
relation  in  which  we  stand  to  God  and  to  each 
other,  and  any  violation  of  this  order  by  us, 
either  through  ignorance  or  design,  must  pro- 
duce unhappiness.  In  fact,  all  the  unhappiness 
that  exists  in  the  world  is  produced  from  this 
cause.  How  essential,  then,  is  it  for  every  one, 
in  starting  out  in  life,  to  have  right  views  on  so 
important  a  subject ! 


10 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


The  first  thing  to  be  considered,  in  the  effort 
to  arrive  at  correct  ideas  here,  is  man's  origin, 
and  the  fact  of  his  having  fallen  from  his  origi- 
nal state.  Man,  in  the  order  of  his  creation, 
did  not  love  himself  His  love  flowed  out  and 
sought  objects  of  affection.  Supremely  he  loved 
God ;  and  next  to  this  love  was  the  love  of  his 
fellow-man.  That  this  was  so,  is  plain  from  the 
statement  made  in  the  Bible,  that  man  was 
created  in  the  image  and  likeness  of  God.  Now, 
God  is  love ;  not  self-love,  but  a  love  of  making 
others  happy  out  of  himself  Such  being  his 
nature,  the  beings  created  by  his  hand,  in  his 
image  and  likeness,  must  have  been,  in  their 
original  state,  lovers  of  others  more  than  them- 
selves, and  seekers  of  the  happiness  of  others. 
How  different  is  all  now  !  Man  not  only  loves 
himself  supremely,  but  seeks  his  own  good  with 
an  almost  total  disregard  to  the  good  of  his 
neighbor.  Nay,  his  love  of  self  is  so  strong, 
that  hatred  to  others  too  often  takes  possession 
of  his  mind.  The  fall  of  man,  in  which  he  lost 
the  image  and  likeness  of  his  Creator,  consisted 
in  his  ceasing  to  love  God  and  his  neighbor,  and 
becoming  a  lover  of  self  and  the  world ;  and  re- 
ligion is  nothing  more  nor  less  than  the  return- 
ing of  man  to  this  true  order,  and  the  restoration 
of  the  lost  image   and  likeness   of  God   in  his 


RIGHT    VIEWS    OF    LIFE. 


11 


mind.  Perfect  happiness  resulted  from  this  true 
order ;  and  misery  has  accompanied,  and  will 
continue  to  accompany,  its  loss.  To  love  self, 
and  to  seek  for  the  gratification  of  selfish  ends, 
never  has,  and  never  will,  produce  happiness;  for 
it  is  in  direct  contrariety  to  the  original  law  of 
our  being.  It  is  opposed  to  the  very  nature  of 
things. 

How  important,  then,  is  it,  that  every  young 
woman,  when  she  first  begins  to  think,  should 
think  correctly  on  this  subject,  so  vital  to  her 
happiness  !  But  it  is  one  thing  to  think  right, 
and  another  thing  to  be  able  to  bring  right 
thoughts  down  into  correct  actions  in  our  ordi- 
nary life  in  the  world.  To  do  this  is  a  great 
achievement ;   it  is,  in  fact,  religion. 

There  is  a  great  deal  said  about  religion ;  and 
numerous  enough  are  those  who  profess  to  have 
what  they  call  religion.  But,  at  thi^  day,  there 
is  very  little  of  true  religion  in  the  world. 
There  are  external  forms  of  sanctimoniousness 
and  acts  of  piety ;  but  these  do  not  make  religion, 
and  too  often  serve  only  as  cloaks  for  covering 
up  the  most  direful  and  soul-destroying  selfish- 
ness. It  is  no  hard  matter,  however,  to  distin- 
guish the  true  coin  from  the  base  counterfeit. 
There  is  a  test  by  which  the  quality  of  all  may 
be  known,  and  this  test  must  be  applied  to  their 


12 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


every-day,  not  to  their  Sunday  life.  Do  they 
love  God  or  self,  the  neighbor  or  the  world, 
most?  Look  at  their  conduct  in  all  that  per- 
tains to  their  business  and  social  intercourse 
with  the  world,  not  at  what  they  say,  and  you 
will  soon  be  able  to  decide  the  question.  The 
tree  is  easily  known  by  its  fruits,  the  quality  of 
the  fountain  by  the  water  it  sends  forth. 

To  be  religious  is  not  to  be  an  ascetic,  nor  is 
it  necessary  to  give  up  any  of  the  pleasures  or 
orderly  enjoyments  of  life.  The  world,  not  the 
cloister,  is  the  place  where  religion  can  alone 
find  a  permanent  abiding-place  —  a  real  growth. 
What  is  called  the  religion  of  the  cloister  is  no 
religion  at  all,  but  mere  selfishness — a  retiring 
from  actual  duty  in  the  world,  into  an  imaginary 
state  of  sanctimoniousness.  It  is  only  in  life's 
actualities,  in  the  real  every-day  business  and 
social  contact  of  man  with  man,  that  there  can 
be  any  genuine  religious  growth ;  for  religion  is 
love  to  the  neighbor;  and  all  love,  to  be  genuine, 
must  have  an  actual  existence  in  deeds,  as  well 
as  in  words  —  must  come  into  exercise  in  the 
every-day  affairs  of  life.  It  is  an  easy  matter 
for  any  one  to  sit  in  his  closet  and  imagine  that 
he  feels  a  love  for  all  mankind ;  but  let  him  go 
into  the  world,  and  meet  his  fellow-man  as  he  is, 
and  feel  the  encroachments  and  rude  contact  of 


RIGHT    VIEWS    OF    LIFE.  13 

his  selfish  spirit,  and  he  will  find  something  rising 
in  his  bosom  that  he  would  not  like  to  call  love. 

The  true  spirit  of  religion  is  a  love  of  being 
useful  to  others ;  and  a  religious  life  is  the  seek- 
ing, in  all  we  do,  the  good  of  others,  at  the  same 
time  that  we  fully  acknowledge  that  the  ability 
to  do  so  is  not  our  own,  but  comes  from  God, 
who  is  the  source  and  giver  of  all  good.  Every 
one,  to  be  happy,  must  lead  such  a  life ;  and  this 
is  the  reason  why  we  urge  the  considerations 
now  presented,  upon  the  attention  of  those  for 
whose  particular  benefit  we  write. 

A  just  regard  for  the  good  of  others  wiiJ  not 
require  a  woman  to  neglect  any  home  duty,  but 
will  prompt  to  its  more  perfect  and  faithful  dis- 
charge. Her  charity  will  consist  in  doing  all 
that  her  hands  find  to  do,  with  cheerfulness  and 
alacrity,  for  the  sake  of  others.  The  comfort 
and  happiness  of  others  are  always  in  her  hands, 
and  every  act  of  her  life  either  adds  to  or  dimin- 
ishes the  comfort  and  happiness  of  one  or  many. 

In  the  beginning,  let  a  young  wonran  remem- 
ber, that,  as  she  cannot  live  for  herself  alone,  it 
will  be  true  wisdom  for  her  to  seek  to  live  for 
others.  Every  day  of  her  life  she  will  find  her- 
self placed  in  circumstances  that,  if  improved, 
will  enable  her  to  give  pleasure  to,  or  perform 
some  useful  thing  for,  another ;  and  her  reward 


14 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


for  SO  doing   will  be  a  delight  sweeter  far  thai 
can  possibly  spring  from  any  selfish  gratification. 

Two  young  ladies  sat  reading,  when  a  child 
entered  the  room,  in  trouble  about  his  playthings. 
Something  had  got  wrong,  which  he  could  not 
remedy.  He  came  up  to  one  of  them  with  his 
useless  toy,  and  asked  her  to  fix  it  right  for  him  ; 
but  she  gently  pushed  him  away  with  her  hand, 
saying,  "  Go  away,  now;  I  cannot  attend  to  you." 
He  then  went  to  the  other,  who  laid  aside  her 
book  with  a  smile,  and  repaired  the  toy.  It  was 
the  work  of  only  a  minute,  but  it  was  a  great 
matter  for  the  child.  His  thanks  were  expressed 
in  his  briorhtenincr  face.  The  musical  rinrring 
of  his  happy  voice,  as  he  bounded  from  the 
room,  echoed  back  from  the  heart  of  the  maiden. 
In  blessing,  she  was  herself  blessed. 

"  Let  me  wait  upon  the  table,  mother,"  said  a 
daughter,  as  the  family  were  assembling  for  ten. 
*'  Your  head  has  ached  all  day,  and  you  are  not 
well  this  evening."  The  mother  gave  up  her 
place  at  the  head  of  the  table,  with  a  feeling  of 
pleasure,  at  the  aflfectionate  consideration  of  her 
daughter,  that  sensibly  diminished  the  pain  of 
her  aching  head.  It  was  a  little  matter,  seem- 
ingly, this  act  of  the  daughter's,  but  much  was 
involved  in  it.  The  mother  was  happier,  and 
the  daughter  felt  a  glow  of  internal   satisfaction 


RIGHT    VIEWS    OF    LIFE. 


15 


warming  through  her  bosom.  While  the  former 
was  made  happier  for  the  moment,  the  latter  was 
made  better  permanently. 

"  Don't  go  away,  sister,"  said  a  poor  little  in- 
valid, lifting  his  large  blue  eyes  to  the  face  of  his 
sister,  a  young  girl  in  her  sixteenth  year,  who 
had  just  come  into  his  room  with  her  bonnet 
and  shawl  on.  "  I  want  you  to  stay  with  me." 
"  Sister  must  go,  dear^^"  spoke  up  the  mother. 
"  She  has  been  invited  out,  and  has  promised 
herself  much  pleasure  in  going.  I  will  stay  with 
you."  '•  I  want  sister  to  stay  too,"  replied  the 
child.  "  I  don't  want  her  to  go  away."  The 
sister  stood  thoughtful  for  a  few  moments,  and 
then,  whispering  something  in  her  mother's  ear, 
laid  off  her  bonnet  and  shawl,  and  sat  down  by 
the  bedside  of  her  sick  brother,  whose  eyes 
brightened  up,  and  almost  sparkled  with  pleas- 
ure. First  she  told  him  a  story,  and  then,  hold- 
ing one  of  his  hands  in  hers,  she  sang  to  him  a 
little  song.  ''  Sing  another,  dear  sister,"  said 
the  child.  The  sister  sang  another  and  another 
song,  her  voice  falling  into  a  lower  and  more 
soothing  tone.  Presently  she  ceased,  and  looked 
up  into  the  face  of  her  mother  with  a  smile. 
The  dear  little  suiferer  was  asleep.  The  maiden 
bent  down  over  the  bed,  and  tenderly  kissed  the 
slumberer's  cheek;  then  rising  up  quickly,  she 


16 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


replaced  her  bonnet  and  shawl,  and  glided 
lightly  from  the  room.  Never  in  her  life  had 
she  enjoyed  herself  so  well  among  her  young 
companions,  as  she  did  during  that  evening. 
Need  we  tell  our  readers  the  cause  ? 

We  might  go  on  and  instance  a  hundred  dif- 
ferent ways  in  which  a  young  girl  may  be  called 
on  to  practise  self-denial  for  the  good  of  others. 
If  she  have  younger  brothers  and  sisters,  these 
calls  will  be  made  daily,  and  almost  hourly. 
But,  in  obeying  them,  she  will  always  find  a 
higher  and  purer  pleasure  than  in  disregarding 
them. 

The  true  spirit  of  religion,  we  have  said,  is 
the  love  of  being  useful  to  others.  This  love  no 
one  has  naturally.  We  are  all  lovers  of  our- 
selves more  than  lovers  of  God,  and  lovers  of 
the  world  more  than  lovers  of  our  neighbor  ; 
and  it  is  hard  for  us  to  conceive  how  there  is 
any  real  pleasure  to  be  found  in  denying  our 
own  selfish  desires  in  order  to  seek  the  good  of 
another.  A  very  little  experience,  however,  will 
make  us  plainly  see  that  the  inward  delight 
arising  from  the  consciousness  of  having  done 
good  to  another  is  the  sweetest  of  all  delights 
we  have  ever  known.  But  this  love  of  being 
useful  to  others  does  not  easily  take  the  place 
of  our  natural  selfishness.     And  it  never  does. 


RIGHT    VIEWS    OF    LIFE. 


17 


unless  we  oppose,  vigorously,  and  from  a  reli- 
gious ground,  our  natural  propensity  to  regard 
only  our  own  selves.  What  is  here  meant  by  a 
religious  ground,  is,  a  regard  to  God  and  an  obe- 
dience to  his  laws,  as  the  duty  of  a  creature  made 
by  his  hands  and  sustained  by  him  every  mo- 
ment. These  laws  teach  us  to  regard  the  good 
of  others ;  and  when  we  seek  the  good  of  others, 
because  to  do  so  is  to  live  in  obedience  to  the 
laws  of  God,  we  act  from  a  religious  principle. 
Every  effort  made  in  this  spirit  is  an  efficient 
one,  and  actually  produces  a  change  in  the  in- 
ward mind,  causing  a  love  of  others  to  take  the 
place  of  a  love  of  self  To  sin,  is  to  act  in  oppo- 
sition to  these  laws  of  God.  In  every  instance, 
therefore,  in  which  we  neglect  the  good  of 
another,  in  seeking  some  selfish  gratification,  we 
commit  sin ;  for  the  law  of  God,  in  common 
society,  is,  for  each  to  regard  the  good  of  the 
whole. 

A  right  view  of  life,  then,  which  all  should 
take  at  the  outset,  is  the  one  we  have  presented. 
Let  every  young  lady  seriously  reflect  upon  this 
subject.  Let  her  remember  that  she  is  not  de- 
signed by  her  Creator  to  live  for  herself  alone, 
but  has  a  higher  and  nobler  destiny  —  that  of 
doing  good  to  others  —  of  making  others  happy 


18 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    L4DIES. 


The  little  world  of  self  is  not  the  limit  that  is  to 
confine  all  her  actions.  Her  love  was  not  des- 
tined to  waste  its  fires  in  the  narrow  chamber  of 
a  single  human  heart ;  no,  a  broader  sphere  of 
action  is  hers  —  a  more  expansive  benevolence. 
The  light  and  heat  of  her  love  are  to  be  seen  and 
felt  far  and  wide.  Who  would  not  rather  thus 
live  a  true  life,  than  sit  shivering  over  the  smoul- 
dering embers  of  self-love?  Happy  is  that 
maiden  who  seeks  to  live  this  true  life !  As 
time  passes  on,  her  own  character  will  be  ele- 
vated and  purified.  Gradually  will  she  return 
towards  that  order  of  her  being,  which  was  lost 
in  the  declension  of  mankind  from  that  original 
state  of  excellence  in  which  they  were  created. 
She  will  become,  more  and  more,  a  true  woman ; 
will  grow  wiser,  and  better,  and  happief.  Her 
path  through  the  Vv^orld  will  be  as  a  shining  light, 
and  all  who  know  her  will  call  her  blessed. 
Who  would  not  wish  to  lead  such  a  life?  Who 
does  not  desire  to  return  from  disorder  and  mis- 
ery, to  order  and  happiness  ? 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


19 


CHAPTER   III. 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


The  first  important  era  in  the  life  of  a  young 
maiden  is  when  she  finally  leaves  school.  This 
is  the  time  when  she  begins  to  think  for  herself, 
and  is  left  in  more  than  ordinary  freedom  to  act 
for  herself  Up  to  this  period,  she  has  lived  in 
obedience  to  her  parents,  guardians,  or  teachers, 
in  all  things.  She  has  gone  to  school,  and  pur- 
sued her  studies  there  under  the  entire  direction 
of  others,  submitting  her  will  and  her  judgment 
to  the  will  and  judgment  of  others,  as  older  and 
wiser  than  herself  For  years,  her  mind  has  been 
fully  occupied  with  the  various  branches  of  knowl- 
edge which  it  has  been  deemed  by  others  right 
that  she  should  acquire.  But  now,  books  of  in- 
struction are  laid  aside  ;  the  strict  rules  of  the 
seminary  are  no  longer  observed ;  the  mind  that 
has  been  for  a  long  time  active  in  the  pursuits 
of  knowledge  sinks  into  repose. 

This,  which  we  have  called  the  first  important 
era  in  a  woman's  life,  may,  with  justice,  be 
rather  called  the  most  important  era  in  her  life  ; 
for  her  whole  future  life  will  be  affected  by  what- 


20 


ADVICE    TO    YOUXG    LADIES. 


ever  is  right  or  wrong  in  her  conduct,  and  mode 
of  thinking  and  living,  at  this  period.  The  habits 
of  order  and  study  which  existed  while  at  school 
were  not  properly  her  own,  for  they  were  merely 
the  result  of  obedience  to  laws  prescribed  by 
others;  but  now,  acting  in  freedom,  whatever 
she  does  is  from  herself,  and  stamps  itself  per- 
manently upon  the  impressible  substance  of  her 
forming  character.  If  she,  from  natural  indo- 
lence, sink  into  idleness  and  self-indulgence,  she 
will  be  in  danger  of  forming  a  habit  that  will  go 
with  her  through  life;  but  if,  from  a  sense  of 
duty  to  herself  and  others,  she  still  occupy  all 
her  time,  and  all  the  powers  of  her  mind,  in  doing 
or  acquiring  something,  she  will  gradually  gain 
strength  and  force  of  character,  as  her  mind  ex- 
pands, and  t!  ke,  as  a  woman,  in  a  few  years,  a 
woman's  true  position  of  active  use  in  her  appro- 
priate sphere. 

Up  to  the  time  of  her  leaving  school,  a  young 
girl  may  be  excused  for  acting  from  either  im- 
pulse or  obedience.  But  now  she  must  begin  to 
think,  and  her  wisest  thoughts  will  be  on  the 
subject  of  life  and  its  requirements.  If  she  do 
not  think  now,  and  act  from  an  enlightened 
reason,  let  her  be  well  assured  that  the  time  will 
come  when  she  will  be  compelled  to  think ;  but 
alas !  when  thought  will  avail  but  little  in  correct- 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


21 


ing  some  fatal  error  committed  for  want  of 
thought,  the  effects  of  which  will  run  parallel 
with  her  whole  life. 

First  of  J 11,  let  education  and  its  design  form 
the  subject  ^f  a  young  girl's  sober  reflections, 
after  leaving  school  and  returning  into  the 
bosom  of  her  family.  She  will  not  be  long  in 
arriving  at  this  most  important  conclusion,  that 
the  use  of  the  -education  she  has  received  is  to 
enable  her  to  ;^erform  well  the  various  duties  of 
iife,  althou^ri  she  may  not  be  able  to  see  how  all 
the  bra'^x^es  to  which  she  has  applied  herself 
can  be  made  available  to  this  end.  By  a  very 
natural  transition  of  thought,  she  will  be  led  to 
consider  the  present,  and  to  ask  herself  if  she 
have  not  something  to  do  in  the  present.  The 
result  of  this  will  be  the  discovery,  that,  much  as 
she  has  learned,  her  education  is  very  far  from 
being,  complete,  and  that,  to  lit  her  for  a  life  of 
active  usefulness,  —  the  only  true  and  only  happy 
life,  —  she  has  much  yet  to  learn  in  the  process 
of  bringing  down  her  skill  and  information  into 
every-day  uses  and  pursuits ;  nay,  more,  that 
she  has  new  knowledge  to  gain,  and  new  skill  to 
acquire,  that  call  for  continued  patience,  indus- 
try, and  perseverance.  But  in  all  she  will  find 
this  difference, — Before,  there  was  abstract  ac- 
quirement for  the  sake  of  the  skill  and  the  know!- 


22 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


edge;  but  now,  both  skill  and  knowledge  are 
ever  flowing  out  into  effects.  She  has  not  only 
the  task  of  acquiring,  but  the  delight  of  doing, 
and  this  is  life's  highest  delight. 

But  we  will  be  more  particular  and  familiar. 
On  leaving  school,  where  all  has  been  order, 
promptness,  and  industry,  a  young  lady  will  find 
herself,  as  we  have  said,  in  great  danger  of  sink- 
ing into  indolence  and  inactivity.  She  will  find, 
at  first,  little  or  nothing  to  do.  Her  mother  has 
been  so  long  in  the  regular  routine  of  domestic 
duties,  that  she  does  not  think  of  assigning  any 
portion  of  them  to  her  daughter.  She  continues 
to  rise  early  and  sit  up  late,  while  her  daughter 
remains  late  in  bed,  and,  wearied  with  a  day  of 
tiresome  inactivity,  retires  early  at  night.  It  too 
often  happens,  in  cases  of  this  kind,  thit  the 
daughter  is  either  too  indolent,  or  indifferent 
towards  her  mother,  to  step  forward  and  lighten 
her  care  and  labor  by  taking  a  portion  of  it  upon 
herself  Or  it  may  be  that  her  neglect  to  do 
so  arises  from  want  of  proper  reflection.  Her 
duty,  however,  is  a  very  plain  one,  and  needs 
only  to  be  hinted  at,  to  cause  every  right-feeling 
daughter  not  only  to  see  it,  but  at  once  to  enter 
upon  its  due  performance. 

There  are  several  reasons  why  a  young  lady 
should,  on   leaving   school,   engage    actively    in 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


23 


domestic  duties.  One  has  already  been  stated. 
Another  reason  is  to  be  found  in  the  fact,  that, 
sooner  or  later,  she  will,  in  all  probability,  be  at 
the  head  of  a  family,  when  the  health,  comfort, 
and  happiness  of  those  best  beloved  by  her  will 
depend  upon  her  knowledge  of  household  and 
domestic  economy.  This  knowledge  can  only 
be  gained  by  practical  experience.  A  man, 
when  he  marries,  is  expected  to  be  master  of 
some  business,  trade,  or  profession,  by  which  he 
can  earn  sufficient  money  to  maintain  his  wife 
and  family  in  comfort ;  and  a  woman,  when  she 
marries,  is  expected  to  be  able  to  take  charge  of 
her  husband's  household,  and  do  her  part  with  as 
much  skill  and  industry  as  he  does  his.  That 
this  latter  is  not  always  the  case,  is  much  to  be 
regretted.  But  few,  very  few  young  ladies,  at  the 
time  of  their  marriage,  know  any  thing  about 
domestic  economy.  Not  one  in  ten  can  bake  a 
loaf  of  good  bread,  or  cook  a  dinner.  In  fact, 
their  ignorance  on  these  subjects  is  a  matter, 
ordinarily,  more  of  pride  than  shame.  We  have 
over  and  over  again  heard  young  ladies  boast  of 
their  deficiencies  on  these  points,  in  a  way  to 
make  it  plainly  apparent  that  such  deficiency 
was  considered  by  them  as  meritorious,  instead 
of  censurable.  If  to  be  useful  —  if  to  be  able  to 
make  our  best  and  dearest   friends  comfortable 


24  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

and  happy  —  be  disgraceful,  then  we  can  under- 
stand why  such  ignorance  is  a  matter  of  pride, 
but  on  no  other  supposition. 

A  singular  error  prevails  to  a  very  great  ex- 
tent, that  there  is  something  degrading  in  useful 
domestic  employments.  Some  young  ladies  would 
almost  as  lief  be  detected  in  a  falsehood,  as  dis- 
covered by  their  young  acquaintances,  especially 
of  the  other  sex,  in  the  performance  of  any  house- 
hold duty.  It  is  no  unusual  thing  to  see  them 
with  ornamental  needle-work  in  their  hands ;  but 
you  can  never  find  them  making  a  garment,  or 
doing  any  work  that  is  really  needed  in  the  fam- 
ily. The  former  is  a  pleasing  pastime,  but  the 
latter  is  something  useful,  and  the  useful  is 
esteemed  vulgar  and  common,  and,  if  engaged  in  i 

at  all,  must  be  done  so  secretly  that  no  one  will 
have  a  suspicion  of  the  fact. 

Besides  engaging  in,  and  becoming  thoroughly 
conversant  with,  domestic  affairs,  there  is  anothei 
matter  which  every  young  woman  should  se 
riously  consider,  be  her  condition  in  life  what  it 
may.  In  this  country,  more  than  in  any  other, 
mutability  is  stamped  upon  the  form  and  features 
of  society.  The  rich  man  of  to-day  is  the  poor 
man  of  to-morrow,  and  the  poor  man  of  to-day 
the  rich  man  of  to-morrow.  There  is  no  perma- 
nence, no  stability.     A  man  may  count  his  thou- 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


25 


sands  —  may  lay  his  hand  firmly  upon  his  wealth, 
and  be  sure  of  holding  it  in  a  firm  grasp ;  but 
in  a  few  years  his  gold  has  all  melted  away  like 
snow-wreaths  in  the  sunshine.  Why  this  is  so, 
is  not  the  question  now  to  be  discussed.  The 
fact,  is  the  thing  that  demands  most  serious  con- 
sideration. No  woman  can  know  at  what  period 
of  her  life  reverses  may  overtake  those  upon 
whom  she  is  dependent  for  all  her  external  com- 
forts. Her  father  may  become  poor  while  she 
yet  lingers  in  the  old  homestead,  or  her  husband 
may  be  reduced  from  affluence  to  poverty,  at  a 
time  when  children  are  springing  up  around  her 
with  their  thousand  wants,  few  of  which  can  now 
be  supplied.  And  worse  than  all  this,  death 
often  comes  in  and  strikes  down  the  very  prop 
and  stay  of  life,  leaving  the  widow  and  mother 
friendless  and  penniless. 

"Why  should  I  think  of  these  things  now?" 
asks  a  light-hearted  maiden.  "  If  I  am  to  have 
trouble  like  this,  it  will  be  bad  enough  when  it 
comes.     I  will  be  happy  while  I  can." 

That  such  trouble,  if  it  should  ever  come  to 
you,  may  be  lighter  and  more  easily  boine,  is 
the  reason  why  it  is  alluded  to  now.  The 
sailor,  when  he  puts  forth  to  sea,  does  not  know 
that  he  will  encounter  a  storm.  But  he  knows 
that  storms  do  frequently  occur,  and  that  many 
3 


26 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


ships  have  been  lost.  With  wise  forethought, 
he  provides  himself  with  boats,  in  case  his  ship 
should  be  wrecked ;  he  has  all  his  rigging  in 
such  perfect  order,  that  his  sails  can  be  furled  at 
a  moment's  warning,  on  the  approach  of  a  storm, 
so  that  nothing  but  spars  and  ropes  can  be  ex- 
posed to  its  fury.  By  such  wise  precautions,  he 
is  able,  if  a  tempest  arise,  in  most  cases,  to  save 
his  ship  and  the  lives  of  all  in  it. 

Life  is  a  voyage,  and  to  most  of  us  a  rough 
and  stormy  one.  In  commencing  this  voyage, 
let  each  one  emulate  the  wisdom,  prudence,  and 
forethought  of  the  sailor.  The  weaker  we  are, 
and  the  less  able  to  endure  the  shock  of  a  tem- 
pest, the  more  careful  should  we  be  that  every 
thing  is  right  before  we  push  oif  from  the  shore. 

It  is  clear,  then,  that,  in  the  beginning  of  life, 
a  woman  who  has  less  ability  to  contend  in  the 
world,  and  is  more  exposed  to  evils  and  hard- 
ships, should  reverses  come,  ought  to  furnish 
herself  thoroughly  with  the  means  of  self-suste- 
nance and  self-protection.  This  she  can  only 
do  by  acquiring  some  knowledge  or  skill,  the 
exercise  of  which  will  enable  her  to  supply  not 
only  her  own  wants,  but  the  wants  of  all  who 
may  be  dependent  upon  her.  There  is  no  time 
in  which  this  can  be  done  so  well  as  in  the  few 
years  which  succeed  the  period  of  a  young  lady's 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


27 


final  withdrawal  from  school.  These  years  ought 
to  be  employed  by  all,  no  matter  how  high  their 
station,  in  thoroughly  mastering  some  branch  of 
knowledge,  or  in  acquiring  some  skill,  from  the 
exercise  of  which,  as  a  regular  employment, 
should  necessity  ever  require  it  to  be  done,  a 
livelihood  may  be  obtained. 

Those  young  ladies  who  have  had  the  advan- 
tages of  a  liberal  education  will  find  it  only 
necessary  to  take  up  some  one  of  the  branches  to 
which  they  have  been  giving  attention,  and  per- 
fect themselves  in  that.  To  some,  music  will 
present  the  best  means  of  obtaining  the  desired 
end,  —  to  others,  the  languages,  and  particu- 
larly the  French  language.  A  good  French 
teacher  can  always  obtain  a  fair  salary ;  and  one 
well  skilled  in  the  ^-^rinciples  and  practice  of 
musical  science  will  find  no  difficulty  in  making 
her  skill  available,  should  necessity  require  her  to 
do  so. 

To  those  who  have  not  enjoyed  these  advan- 
tages, or  who  have  not  sufficient  taste  for  music 
to  enable  them  to  acquire  much  skill,  or  for  the 
languages  to  give  hope  of  great  proficiency  in 
mastering  them  thoroughly,  some  trade,  such  as 
dress  or  bonnet-making,  ought,  by  all  means,  to 
be  learned.  Six  months  or  a  year's  devotion  to 
one  or  the  other  of  these  may  give  the  ability, 


28 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


long  afterwards,  to  live  in  independence,  or  to 
keep  a  parent  or  children  above  the  pressure  of 
want.  A  case  in  point  may  give  force  to  what 
we  are  trying  to  impress  upon  the  minds  of  our 
readers. 

Some  years  ago,  a  merchant,  who  had  expe- 
rienced one  or  two  vicissitudes,  and  who  had 
seen  a  good  deal  of  the  rising  and  fallmg  of  fam- 
ilies around  him,  was  led  to  think  of  this  subject 
by  seeing  the  wife  of  a  mercantile  friend  sud- 
denly widowed,  and  left  without  a  dollar  in  the 
world.  She  had  been  raised  in  affluence  and 
luxury,  and  had  lived  in  the  same  way  until  the 
death  of  her  husband,  whose  estate  proved  to  be 
bankrupt.  Poverty  found  her  without  any  re- 
sources in  herself  She  had  three  children  de- 
pendent upon  her  for  sustenance  and  education ; 
but  she  could  do  nothing  to  sustain  and  educate 
them.  The  consequence  was,  that  they  were  all 
separated  from  her :  a  distant  relative  took  one, 
a  friend  of  her  husband's  another,  and  the  third, 
a  boy  thirteen  years  of  age,  was  apprenticed  to  a 
trade ;  while  the  mother,  almost  broken-hearted, 
sought  refuge  from  want  in  the  family  of  a  poor 
cousin. 

The  merchant  had  three  daughters.  The  two 
oldest  had  just  left  school,  and  were  preparing  to 
come  out  upon  the  world's  stage,  and  take  their 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


29 


places  as  women.  He  possessed  considerable 
wealth,  and  was  doing  a  large,  and,  he  believed, 
a  safe  business.  But  he  had  seen  enough  of 
life  to  be  satisfied  of  the  uncertainty  of  all  things, 
and  of  the  wisdom  of  making  every  possible  pro- 
vision for  the  future. 

"  Jane,"  he  said  to  his  oldest  daughter,  one 
day,  ''  I  have  been  thinking  a  good  deal  about 
you  and  Edith  lately,  and  have  at  last  come  to 
a  conclusion  that  may  surprise  you.  It  is  se- 
riously my  opinion  that  you  ought  to  qualify 
yourselves  fully  for  gaining  yoiir  own  livelihoods, 
in  case  any  reverse  should  meet  you  in  after 
life." 

Jane  was  the  daughter  of  a  rich  nian,  and  had 
all  her  life  been  so  far  removed  from  any  thing 
like  want,  that  the  idea  of  ever  being  in  the 
situatioji  supposed  by  her  father,  had  not  once 
entered  her  mind.  His  remark  might  well  oc- 
casion surprise,  as  it  did,  Jane  looked  doubt- 
ingly  into  her  father's  face  for  a  few  moments, 
and  then  said,  — 

"Is  there  any  danger  of  such  a  reverse, 
father  ?  " 

"  There  is  nothing  certain  in  this  life,  Jane. 
Out  of  every  ten  families  raised  in  affluence,  at 
least  one  half,  perhaps  two  thirds,  are  reduced  to 
poverty,  often  even  before  the  younger  members 


30 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


have  attained  their  majority.  Do  you  see  that 
young  woman  who  has  just  rung  the  bell  at  the 
house  opposite?" 

"  Yes,  sir  ;  she  is  a  seamstress,  and  works  for 
Mrs. ." 

"  Do  you  know  who  she  is?  " 

"  No,  sir." 

"  That  poor  girl,  Jane,  who  now  goes  out  to 
sew  for  her  living,  is  the  daughter  of  a  man  who 
was  once  considered  among  the  richest  of  our 
merchants.  But  he  lost  all  he  possessed,  and 
died  penniless." 

"Indeed!" 

**  Yes,  Jane.  And  I  could  point  you  to  more 
than  a  dozen  such  instances.  The  tenure  by 
which  wealth  is  held  in  this  country  is  a  very 
uncertain  one.  Industry,  enterprise,  and  sa- 
gacity in  business,  are  almost  sure  to  make  a 
man  rich ;  but  they  do  not  always  prove  suf- 
ficient for  the  retention  of  wealth.  It  sometimes 
happens  that  a  man  goes  on,  year  after  year,  suc- 
cessful in  every  thing.  Whatever  he  touches 
turns,  to  use  a  common  saying,  into  gold.  Then 
a  cljnnge  comes.  Every  thing  goes  wrong.  Men 
to  whom  he  has  sold  goods  for  years,  and  who 
have  always  paid  him  promptly,  fail.  He  sends 
an  adventure  to  sea,  and  meets  a  heavy  loss. 
Prices  fall  while  he  has  a  large  stock  of  goods 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


31 


on  hand.  Thus  his  wealth  diminishes  as  rap- 
idly as  it  had  accumulated,  and,  in  the  course  of 
one  or  two  years,  the  rich  man  is  poor.  Still, 
the  instances  in  which  men  retain  their  wealth 
throughout  life  are  not  rare.  Many  large  for- 
tunes are  divided  among  children  at  the  death 
of  their  parents.  But  the  instances  are  rare, 
indeed,  in  which  these  children  retain  the 
wealth  they  have  inherited  longer  than  a  few 
years." 

"  Can  this  be  really  so?"  inquired  the  daugh- 
ter, with  much  surprise. 

"It  is  a  truth  known  to  all  who  have  lived 
long  enough  to  make  any  observations  on  the 
state  (5f  society  around  them,"  replied  the  father. 
"It  is  only  a  few  days  since  I  noticed  this  re- 
mark in  one  of  the  newspapers,  founded  upon 
the  very  fact  to  which  I  have  just  alluded  — 
'  Nothing,  after  all,  is  the  best  legacy  a  man  can 
leave  his  children  in  this  country.'  " 

"  Why  nothing,  father  ?  " 

"  Because  a  man  with  nothing  feels  the  neces- 
sity of  exertion,  and  wealth  is  the  result  of  in- 
telligent, unremitting  exertion.  But  a  young 
man  who  inherits  wealth  does  not  feel  this  ne- 
cessity. He  rarely  makes  a  sagacious,  enterpris- 
ing, business  man,  and  is  almost  sure  to  lose  all 
he  has  in  a  very  few  years.     Usually,  such  a  one 


32 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


marries  into  a  rich  family,  and  obtains  thereby 
a  good  addition  to  his  wealth.  But  the  more  he 
gets  in  this  way,  the  more  extended,  generally, 
become  his  business  operations,  and  the  more 
certain  his  ultimate  ruin." 

"  The  picture  you  draw  is  not  a  very  encour- 
aging one,  at  least,"  said  the  daughter,  half 
smiling,  half  serious. 

"  But  you  may  depend  upon  its  being  a  true 
one,"  replied  her  father.  "  All  that  I  describe 
I  have  seen  over  and  over  again,  in  real  life." 

"  Then  we  are  in  as  much  danger  of  being 
reduced  to  poverty  as  any  around  us." 

"  Just  as  much,  Jane.  Twice  have  I  lost 
every  dollar  I  possessed  in  the  world.  '  Years 
and  severe  experience  have  made  me  more  wary 
and  prudent  than  I  was  earlier  in  life,  and  the 
chances  of  my  retaining  what  I  now  have  are 
quite  in  my  favor.  But  I  shall  pass  away,  long, 
it  may  be,  before  you,  and  you  will  receive  and 
commit  into  the  hands  of  another  the  portion  of 
my  property  that  will  fall  to  your  share.  As  I 
have  been  unfortunate,  so  may  he ;  and  from 
ease  and  affluence  you  may  sink  into  poverty. 
God  grant  that  it  may  not  be  so,"  the  father 
said  with  emotion,  "  but  the  chances  are 
greatly  in  favor  of  its  occurrence.  Warned  in 
time,  my  child,  as  you  now  are,  if  you  are  wise, 


ENTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


33 


you  will  prepare  yourself,  while  you  can,  for 
meeting  even  such  a  sad  reverse  of  fortune. 
You  have  abilities  of  some  kind,  that  may  be  so 
improved  as  to  be  to  you  a  means  of  subsistence, 
should  all  external  sources  fail.  Wisely  improve 
them  while  you  can.  The  very  act  of  doing  so 
will  give  you  more  real  pleasure  than  you  now 
suppose." 

This  wise  counsel  was  not  lost.  Both  Jane 
and  her  sister  Edith  had  the  good  sense  to  un- 
derstand their  father,  and  the  decision  to  act 
fully  up  to  the  sphit  of  his  advice.  To  one  of 
them  he  recommended  the  thorough  study  of 
French,  Spanish,  and  Italian,  and  to  the  other 
music ;  but  the  tastes  of  neither  of  them  seemed 
to  lie  much  in  this  way.  Somewhat  to  the  dis- 
appointment of  their  father,  and  the  utter  aston- 
ishment of  their  gay  young  friends,  Jane  com- 
menced learning  the  millinery,  and  Edith  the 
dress-making  business ;  and  they  persevered 
steadily  for  a  year  in  what  they  had  undertaken, 
going  four  days  in  each  week  to  the  work-rooms 
of  a  fashionable  milliner  and  dress-maker,  and 
gaining  a  knowledge  of  the  art  and  mystery  they 
sought  to  acquire  by  actual  labor  with  their 
hands. 

Five  years  had  not  elapsed  from  this  period, 
before,  in  one  of  the  periodical  commercial  re- 


34 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


vulsions  to  which  this  country  is  subjected,  the 
father  lost  every  dollar  he  possessed.  This  mis- 
fortune was  followed  by  one  still  more  severe 
and  afflicting;  a  stroke  of  the  palsy  deprived 
him  of  all  physical  power,  and  shut  him  up,  a 
permanent  invalid,  in  his  chamber. 

Soon  after  the  occurrence  of  these  unlooked- 
for  and  saddening  events,  Jane  and  Edith  issued 
circulars,  announcing  their  intention  to  com- 
mence the  millinery  and  dress-making  business, 
and  had  them  distributed  among  their  old 
and  fashionable  acquaintances.  The  two  girls 
had  always  been  remarked  for  their  exquisite 
taste  in  dress:  this  fact,  added  to  the  two 
others,  their  reverses,  and  their  practical 
knowledge  of  the  business  they  had  under- 
taken, at  once  brought  them  as  much  as  their 
hands  could  do,  and,  in  a  very  short  time,  so 
filled  their  rooms  with  work,  that  they  were 
obliged  to  employ  from  fifteen  to  twenty  assist- 
ants. It  was  not  long  before  their  establish- 
ment was  the  largest  and  most  fashionable  in  the 
city,  because  their  taste  was  good,  and  their 
skill  was  equal  to  their  taste.  The  result  need 
hardly  be  stated.  Neither  want  nor  privation, 
except  such  as  were  imposed  by  sickness,  visited 
the  parent,  for  whom  they  had  a  most  tender 
affection.     Their  household  was  not  broken  up. 


EMTERING    UPON    LIFE. 


35 


nor  were  any  of  the  advantages  of  a  liberal  edu- 
cation withheld  from  the  younger  members  of 
the  family.  The  income  from  the  sisters' 
business  was  ample  for  all  their  wants,  and  it 
was  dispensed  with  the  most  unselfish  freedom. 

Can  any  young  lady,  no  matter  how  morbidly 
sensitive  she  may  be  about  the  false  opinions  of 
fashionable  acquaintances,  feel  otherwise  than 
proud  of  such  representatives  of  her  sex  as  Jane 

and    Edith ?     Did  they  not    act  well    and 

wisely  ?  If  every  young  lady,  be  her  station  as 
high  as  it  may,  would  qualify  herself  for  gaining 
a  livelihood  in  some  useful  calling  or  pursuit,  as 
they  did,  the  yearly  reverses  that  visit  so  many 
families  would  bring  far  less  of  suffering,  both 
bodily  and  mental,  than  now  result  from  these 
causes.  A  man  without  a  trade  or  profession, 
who  is  thrown  suddenly  upon  his  own  resources, 
finds  it  a  very  hard  matter  to  keep  his  head 
fairly  above  the  water.  A  woman  reduced  to 
the  same  condition  is,  in  every  respect,  far  more 
helpless.  But  we  need  urge  this  point  no  fur- 
ther. If,  from  what  has  already  been  presented, 
heed  will  not  be  taken  by  the  young,  nothing 
further  that  we  could  say  would  be  of  any  avail. 

To  be  useful  is  the  highest  achievement  of  our 
lives,  and  the  only  certain  means  of  becoming 
happy.     If  every  young  woman  could  be  made 


36 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


to  comprehend  this  vital  truth,  there  would  be 
far  less  of  doubt  hanging  over  her  future.  Fewer 
disappointments,  and  more  of  life's  blessings, 
would  be  in  store  for  her.  If,  instead  of  seek- 
ing for  pleasure,  as  the  chief  object  in  view,  she 
would  seek  to  be  useful  in  her  sphere  of  life,  she 
would  lay  in  her  mind  the  basis  of  a  true  char- 
acter, that  active  virtue  would  build  up  into  "a 
beautiful,  harmonious,  and  ever-to-be-loved  and 
admired  superstructure  of  moral  excellence  and 
beauty.  Wherever  her  path  through  the  world 
might  lead  her,  blessings  would  attend  her  way ; 
and,  in  blessing  others,  she  would  herself  be 
doubly  blessed. 


CHAPTER   IV. 


HABITS  OF  ORDER  AND  NEATNESS. 


The  habits  of  early  life  are  those  that  remain 
with  us  longest.  In  fact,  it  is  almost  impossible, 
afterwards,  fully  to  correct  them,  if  bad.  Habits 
of  order  are  among  the  most  important  that  can 
be  formed ;  for,  without  them,  every  effort  made 
through  life  to  accomplish  any  thing  will  be  hin- 
dered by  defects.      In    seeking   to   form   these 


HABITS  OF  ORDER  AND  NEATNESS. 


37 


habits,  if  a  disposition  to  be  orderly  do  not  exist, 
a  young  lady  should  begin  by  "having  in  her  own 
room  a  place  for  every  thing,  and  next  she 
should  be  very  careful  always  to  have  every 
thing  in  its  place.  This  will  require  a  little 
thoughtful  arrangement  at  first,  and  afterwards 
call  for  only  a  moderate  degree  of  resolution  and 
watchfulness.  The  fact  of  being  in  a  hurry 
should  never  be  admitted  as  an  excuse  for  break- 
ing through  this  rule.  The  time  gained  by 
throwing  a  thing  down  upon  the  bed,  a  chair,  or 
a  table,  instead  of  restoring  it  to  its  appropriate 
place  in  the  drawer,  or  closet,  is  so  small  that  it 
is  not  worth  considering.  Fifteen  or  twenty 
seconds,  or  a  minute  at  most,  are  always  suf- 
ficient for  this  purpose. 

A  proper  regard  for  time  is  a  thing  of  great 
importance,  and  absolutely  necessary  to  the  for- 
mation of  an  orderly  habit  of  doing  things. 
Some  persons  will  waste  one  hour,  and  then 
crowd  into  the  next  the  duties  of  both.  Of 
course,  the  duties  are  discharged  imperfectly 
It  could  not  be  otherwise.  This  habit  is  the 
parent  of  much  disorder.  How  often  is  it  the 
case  that  a  young  lady  has  an  engagement  to 
pay  some  visits  with  a  friend,  for  whom  she  is  to 
call  at  a  certain  hour.  The  friend  is  ready  pre- 
cisely at  the  time  appointed,  but  the  young  lady 
4 


38 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


does  not  make  her  appearance  for  thirty  or  forty 
minutes.  "  O  dear  !  "  she  exclaims,  coming  in 
all  out  of  breath,  and  exhibiting  sundry  defects 
in  her  toilet  arrangements,  "I  hope  I  haven't 
kept  you  waiting.  I  got  so  interested  in  a  book, 
that  I  entirely  forgot  the  time,  until  I  heard  the 
clock  strike  the  hour  at  which  I  was  to  be  here. 
I  have  had  almost  to  throw  my  clothes  on,  and 
no  doubt  look  like  a  perfect  fright ! "  Again, 
the  same  young  lady  is  making  a  visit,  and  be- 
comes so  much  interested  in  her  companions 
that  she  lets  the  hour  at  which  she  is  to  take  her 
lesson  in  French  or  music  go  by,  leaving  her 
teacher  to  wait  impatiently  for  her,  and  neglect- 
ing a  matter  of  real  importance  for  the  enjoy- 
ment, it  may  be,  of  a  little  frivolous  chit-chat. 
There  is  a  time  for  all  things,  as  well  as  a  place 
for  every  thing,  and  the  doing  of  things  at  proper 
times,  and  the  keeping  of  things  in  their  proper 
places,  are  essential  to  the  orderly  and  efficient 
discharge  of  life's  most  serious  as  well  as  most 
trivial  duties. 

The  importance  of  orderly  habits  is  never 
fully  understood  by  the  young  who  have  friends 
to  care  for  them  and  supply  their  wants.  But 
there  copies  a  time  in  life  when  duties,  various 
and  pressing,  meet  a  woman  at  every  turn  — 
duties  which   it  will    be  impossible  for    her   to 


HABITS    or    ORDER    AND    NEATNESS. 


39 


discharge  well,  unless  all  be  done  in  an  orderly 
series.  If  thus  done,  they  will  rarely  seem  bur- 
densome. It  is  the  confliction  of  duties  that 
frets  the  mind,  not  the  number  of  them;  and 
there  is  always  this  confliction  where  there  is  no 
habit  of  order. 

One  of  the  strongest  reasons  for  urging  upon 
the  young  the  formation  of  habits  of  order,  is  the 
indisputable  fact,  that  at  the  time  in  life  when 
such  habits  are  most  needed,  it  is  almost,  if  not 
quite,  impossible  to  form  them,  the  opposite  habit 
of  disorder  having  become,  by  long  indulgence, 
too  fixed  for  eradication. 

Want  of  order  in  a  woman  is  not  a  defect  the 
evils  of  which  are  visited  upon  herself  alone. 
Every  woman,  as  well  as  every  man,  must  lead 
an  active  life,  in  some  sphere  or  other.  Nearly 
every  thing  that  we  do  has  reference  to  and 
affects  others.  There  is  scarcely  a  single  action 
that  is  not  felt,  with  the  good  or  evil  that  apper- 
tains to  it,  by  others.  If,  from  any  cause,  we 
perform  our  allotted  offices  in  the  world  defec- 
tively, we  do  others  a  wrong ;  and  defect  must 
attend  every  effort,  which  is  not  made  and  con- 
tinued in  an  orderly  way.  If  the  mother  have 
no  habits  of  order,  will  not  her  children  suffer 
in  consequence?  If  the  wife  have  similar  de- 
fects, will  they  not    be    felt    by    her    husband  ? 


40 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


Such  must  be  the  inevitable  result,  not  only  in 
these  instances,  but  in  every  thing  that  pertains 
to  a  woman's  domestic  and  social  relations. 

Order,  then,  is  the  essential  prerequisite  of 
every  truly  efficient  action.  Without  it,  nothing 
can  be  done  well ;  with  it,  there  is  no  duty  in 
life  that  may  not  be  rightly  performed.  With- 
out it,  the  lightest  task  is  burdensome ;  with  it, 
that  which  to  look  at  seems  almost  herculean 
becomes  a  matter  of  easy  accomplishment. 

But  let  it  not  be  forgotten  that  the  habit  of 
order  must  be  formed  in  early  years.  When 
life's  most  serious  duties  press  upon  the  mind, 
and  demand  the  exercise  of  all  its  energies, 
there  is  no  time  to  think  about  systems  of  order, 
and  little  inclination  to  attempt  doing  so. 

Neatness  almost  invariably  accompanies  order ; 
indeed,  the  one  is  nearly  inseparable  from  the 
other.  When  we  see  a  neat  person,  we  expect 
to  find  one  who  is  orderly  in  all  her  habits,  and 
we  are  rarely  mistaken.  Neatness  in  dress 
should  be  regarded  as  much  as  neatness  in  every 
thing  that  is  done.  A  want  of  neatness,  as  well 
as  a  want  of  order,  shows  a  defect  in  the  mind, 
the  correction  of  which  is  essential  to  happiness. 
The  only  way  to  correct  any  such  defect  is  to 
act  in  opposition  to  it.  Into  every  action  there 
must  come  down,  as  its  principle  of  life,  some 


HABITS    OF    ORDER    AND    NEATNESS. 


41 


power  or  faculty  of  the  mind.  If,  insteaa  of 
doing  every  thing  carelessly,  and  letting  all 
things  around  us  fall  into  confusion,  we  compel 
ourselves  to  act  with  order  and  neatness,  an 
orderly  principle  of  the  mind  comes  into  activ- 
ity, in  an  orderly  form  of  ultimate  life,  and  the 
disorderly  principle,  finding  no  form  in  the  ulti- 
mate life  for  its  activity,  lies  dormant  on  the  cir- 
cumference of  the  mind,  and,  unless  there  be  a 
relapse  into  disorderly  action,  will  lie  there  for- 
ever dormant. 

We  would  urge  upon  our  young  readers  most 
earnestly  to  reflect  upon  what  we  have  just  said, 
and  to  endeavor,  before  passing  on,  to  fully  un- 
derstand it;  for  the  last  paragraph  we  have 
written  contains  the  most  simple,  and,  at  the 
same  time,  the  only  true  philosophy  of  reforma- 
tion. It  is  applicable  as  well  to  the  whole  life, 
and  all  that  appertains  to  it,  as  to  the  particular 
thing  to  which  we  have  applied  it.  It  is  only  by 
compelling  ourselves  to  act  right,  that  we  can  do 
any  thing  towards  correcting  the  inherited  dis- 
orders of  our  minds.  We  may  have  right 
thoughts,  but  if  we  only  think  right,  and  make 
no  effort  to  do  right,  we  do  not  advance  a  single 
step  in  the  work  of  reformation. 

This  is  the  reason  why  we  so  often  meet  with 
4* 


42 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


persons  who  seem  fully  to  understand  the  theory 
of  right  living,  but  who  actually  live  in  a  manner 
very  different  from  the  ideal  perfection  which 
they  presented  with  so  much  vividness  and 
beauty.  We  remember  once  hearing  a  lady 
discourse  with  great  eloquence  on  the  use  and 
power  of  order  in  all  domestic  arrangements. 
She  spoke  of  its  effects  upon  children,  and  drew 
a  most  glowing  picture  of  a  family  in  which 
order  reigned  in  all  things  supreme.  Some 
months  afterwards,  on  becoming  more  intimately 
acquainted  with  this  lady,  who  was  a  woman  of 
some  literary  attainments,  we  accepted  an  invita- 
tion to  take  tea  and  spend  an  evening  with  her. 
The  conversation  alluded  to  was  still  fresh  in 
our  recollection,  and  we  fully  expected  to  see  a 
family-model  of  neatness  and  order.  But  we 
were  sadly  disappointed.  Worse  behaved  chil- 
dren, or  a  more  disorderly  household,  we  have 
never  seen.  The  mother  was  a  capital  thinker, 
but  that  was  all. 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


43 


CHAPTER   V. 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


A  BRIEF  allusion  has  already  been  made  to 
domestic  duties.  But  their  importance  requires 
some  more  particular  reference.  At  the  outset, 
it  may  be  as  well  to  notice  a  singular,  but  very 
prevalent  error,  which  has,  strangely  enough, 
crept  into  the  minds  of  a  great  many,  especially 
those  who  have  acquired  some  literary  taste,  and 
have  imbibed  the  modes  of  thinking  of  a  certain 
philosophical  school  of  literary  ladies.  This 
error  lies  in  the  notion  that  there  is  something 
in  domestic  duties,  that,  if  not  actually  degrad- 
ing to  a  refined  and  intelligent  woman,  is  rather 
below  the  plane  of  her  true  social  sphere.  The 
consequence  is,  that  to  housekeepers,  and  nurses, 
and  cooks,  are  given  up,  not  only  the  actual 
doing  of  all  that  pertains  to  the  household  econ- 
omy ;  but  their  intelligence,  such  as  it  is,  and 
their  government,  pervade  the  whole,  instead  of 
the  intelligence  and  government  of  the  true  mis- 
tress and  head  of  the  family. 

Men  who  not  only  see,   but  deeply   feel,  the 
evils  arising   from  this  error,  and  who  strongly 


1^:-:'. 


44 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


condemn  it,  are  accused  of  wishing  to  degrade 
woman  into  the  condition  of  a  mere  household 
drudge.  But  this  is  altogether  a  false  issue.  A 
household  drudge,  and  a  woman  who  rightly 
governs  in  her  ov/n  family,  are  very  different. 
But  it  is  not  to  be  concealed  that  no  woman 
can  properly  govern  in  her  family,  and  lead  a 
life  of  idleness.  The  one  is  incompatible  with 
the  other.  She  can  no  more  do  it  than  a  man 
can  carry  on  his  business  successfully  without 
industry  and  attention.  To  prepare  himself  to 
do  this,  a  man  has,  early  in  life,  to  spend  years 
in  attaining  to  a  full  and  practical  -knowledge 
of  that  calling  in  life  by  which  he  expects  to 
sustain  himself  and  all  who  may  be  dependent 
on  him ;  and  the  same  must  be  true  of  every 
woman.  Her  sphere  of  use  is  in  the  domestic 
and  home  circle,  and  she  must  pass  through  a 
like  course  of  preparation,  or  she  will  be  no 
more  able  to  discharge  her  duties  efficiently, 
when  the  time  comes  for  her  to  assume  them, 
than  he  would  be  to  discharge  his  duties,  if  he 
were  alike  neglectful. 

The  simplest  mode  of  viewing  this  matter  may 
be,  perhaps,  in  a  comparison  of  what  a  man  has 
to  do  in  business  and  a  w^oman  at  home,  and  to 
decide  whether  the  one  is  more  burdensome  and 
less  honorable  than  the  other.     We  will  take  a 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


45 


storekeeper,  for  instance  —  a  grocer  or  a  dry 
goods'  dealer.  He  has  served,  in  the  first  place, 
an  apprenticeship  at  the  business,  industriously 
working  with  his  hands,  as  well  as  with  his  mind, 
for  one,  two,  three,  or  four  years.  At  length,  he 
goes  into  business  for  himself,  and,  after  a  few 
years,  takes  a  wife,  and  makes  her  the  mistress 
of  his  household.  His  business  we  will  suppose 
to  be  successful.  This  being  the  case,  we  know 
that  he  must  diligently  attend  to  it,  and  give  it 
the  strength  of  his  very  best  thoughts.  Early  in 
the  morning,  he  goes  to  his  store,  and  there  he 
remains  through  the  day,  except  when  called  out 
on  business,  or  during  a  brief  intermission  of  his 
duties  for  dinner.  He  stands  at  his  counter,  and 
serves  out  his  goods  to  his  customers ;  he  looks 
over  his  accounts,  and  sees  that  all  is  done  cor- 
rectly ;  he  carefully  watches  the  markets,  in 
order  to  buy  with  safety.  In  fact,  all  the 
powers  of  his  mind  and  body  are  devoted  to  his 
business.  He  knows  that  there  is  no  other  way 
of  success.  If  he  were  to  pause  to  take  his 
ease,  or  to  think  about  the  drudgery  of  his  life, 
he  knows  too  well  that  all  would  be  in  danger,  — 
that  he  would  be  unable  to  secure,  for  those  best 
beloved  by  him,  the  comforts  he  now  brings  into 
his  household. 

Now,  is  it  requiring  too  much  of  the  wife  of 


46  ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

such  a  man  —  is  it  degrading  her  into  a  house- 
hold drudge  —  to  ask  her  to  see  that,  when  he 
comes  home  wearied  from  his  store,  his  meals 
are  in  time,  and  well  and  healthily  cooked?  — 
to  ask  her  to  think  of  his  comfort,  and  to  even 
work  some  with  her  hands  to  secure  for  him 
this  comfort,  if  it  can  be  done  in  no  other  way  ? 
Does  she  degrade  herself  by  consulting  his  appe- 
tite,  for  instance,  and  seeking  to  gratify  him  by 
having  something  on  the  table  that  she  knows 
will  please  him  ?  or  by  seeing  that  order  and  com- 
fort are  in  all  parts  of  her  household  ?  Wecan- 
not  believe  that  any  woman  truly  loves  her  hus- 
banH7"whTj  leaves  afr^eselTratteis  i^Tthe  cook 
or  the  housekeepef.  WlTat'do  they  know  ot  his 
pec"ulTar~tastes,  or,  knowing,  care?  They  do 
their  part  for  hire ;  but  she  should  do  her  part 
for  love,  and  love  is  ever  seeking  some  new  mode 
of  blessing  its  object. 

How  there  is  any  thing  more  degrading  in 
making  up  and  baking  a  loaf  of  bread,  for  in- 
stance, or  in  thinking  about  and  giving  direc- 
tions for  a  dinner,  than  in  selling  goods  over 
the  counter,  is  something  inconceivable  to  us. 
False,  indeed,  are  her  ideas  of  life,  who  can  see 
any  degrading  distinctions  her^.  In  matters  of 
this  kind,  our  modern  ladies  have  reached  a 
degree  of  refinement  far  in  advance  of  the  ladies 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


47 


of  former  times,  whose  chief  pride  consisted  in 
their  being  thoroughly  acquainted  with  every 
branch. of  household  economy.  Nor  were  they 
less  intelligent  than  those  of  the  present  day,  who 
eschew  these  things  as  below  them. 

In  order  that  she  may  be  qualified  to  act  well 
her  part  in  life,  a  young  lady  should  acquire  a 
thorxTagTi  knowiedge  of  all  domestic  and  culinary 
affairs,  so  that,  even  if  she  should  never  be  re- 
quired by  circumstances  to  go  into  the  kitchen 
to  cook  a_dinner,  she  w.ill.yeA  be  able  to  give 
directions^^^how  to  do  it,  and  kno\v  when  it  is 
PI2R^!l-d2Mi  No  ^^^  knows  what  a  day  may 
bring  forth.  Life  is  a  scene  of  perpetual  changes. 
We  have  known  ladies  who  have  been  raised  in 
entire  freedom  from  labor,  suddenly  reduced  to 
poverty,  and  compelled,  for  a  time,  to  do  what 
might  well  be  called  household  drudgery,  or  see 
their  husbands  and  children  subjected  to  the 
severest  privations.  And  even  where  no  such 
reverse,  but  only  a  change  from  one  section  of 
the  country  to  another,  has  taken  place,  the 
necessity  for  a  practical  knowledge  of  every 
thing  pertaining  to  housekeeping  is  frequently 
found  to  exist. 

A  very  beautiful  and  delicately-raised  girl  was 
married,  not  long  since,  to  a  young  man  on  the 


48         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

eve  of  his  departure,  with  a  stock  of  goods,  to  a 
small  but  thriving  town  in  the  west.  Her  parents 
were  in  moderate  circumstances ;  but  she  was 
their  only  daughter,  and  they  had  raised  her 
most  tenderly.  Every  dollar  that  could  be 
spared  was  expended  on  her  education.  The 
highest  accomplishments  were  sought  for  her. 
At  the  time  of  her  marriage,  she  "Vas  a  young, 
slender,  sylph-like  creature,  that  looked  as  if 
time  had  never  showered  any  thing  but  blossoms 
on  her  head.  She  could  dance  with  the  grace 
of  a  fairy,  perform  with  great  skill  upon  the 
piano,  harp,  or  guitar,  and  sing  exquisitely. 
But  she  knew  as  little  about  housekeeping  as  a 
boy  just  let  loose  from  school. 

A  few  weeks  after  their  marriage,  the  young 
couple  started  for  their  new  home  in  the  west. 
On  arriving  there,  they  found  a  little  village  of 
three  or  four  hundred  inhabitants,  in  which  was 
a  stage-house,  or  tavern,  kept  by  a  drunken  Irish- 
man. At  this  house  they  were  compelled  to 
stay  for  two  or  three  weeks,  until  their  furniture 
arrived.  There  was  no  other  boarding-place  in 
the  village.  By  the  time  their  furniture  was  re- 
ceived, they  had  rented  the  only  vacant  house 
there  was.  This  was  a  small  frame  tenement, 
containing  four  rooms,  two  below  and  two 
above.     It   stood  alone,  on  the  outskirts  of  the 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


49 


village.  Without,  all  was  cheerless  enough. 
The  yard  contained  about  an  eighth  of  an  acre, 
and  was  enclosed  by  a  post  and  rail  fence. 
There  was  upon  it  no  tree  nor  shrub ;  but  plenty 
of  rubbish  from  the  house,  which  had  just  been 
built.  Inside,  every  thing  was  as  meagre  and 
common  as  could  well  be.  There  were  win- 
dows, but  no  shutters;  rooms,  but  no  closets; 
walls,  but  no  paper  —  not  even  whitewash.  All 
was  as  brown  and  coarse  as  when  it  came  from 
the  hands  of  the  plasterer.  The  young  bride 
shed  many  tears  in  prospect  of  being  compelled 
to  occupy  so  miserable  and  lonely  a  place,  and 
the  young  husband  was  made  to  feel  as  wretched 
as  could  well  be,  in  consequence. 

At  length  their  furniture  arrived;  but  there 
were  no  upholsterers  to  make  and  put  down  the 
carpets.  Nor  could  any  body,  with  the  ability  to 
ply  a  needle,  be  obtained,  in  the  village,  to  do 
the  work.  After  various  efforts  and  inquiries 
oil  the  subject,  the  bride  was  coolly  told  by  a 
plain-spoken  matron,  that  she  guessed  she  would 
have  to  make  her  carpet  herself,  adding, "  People 
in  these  'ere  parts  have  to  help  themselves." 
The  making  and  putting  down  of  carpets  was 
more  serious  work  than  she  had  been  used  to, 
or  ever  thought  of  doing.  But  it  was  out  of  the 
question  to  think  of  living  on  bare  floors  ;  so, 
5 


50 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


after  taking  a  good  hearty  cry  to  herself,  she 
went  to  work,  and,  after  two  or  three  days  of 
steady  application,  got  the  carpets  made  and 
tacked  down.  It  is  not  to  be  denied  that  some 
of  the  figures  v»'ere  a  long  ways  from  matching, 
and  that  a  number  of  rough  places  in  the  seams 
attested  the  young  lady's  want  of  skill  in  such 
matters.  But  the  work  was  done,  after  a  fashion, 
and  that  was  a  good  deal.  The  bedsteads  were 
then  put  up,  the  furniture  arranged,  and  the 
young  couple  took  possession  of  their  new  home. 

But  here  a  new  and  undreamed-of  difficulty 
arose.  A  servant  could  not  be  had  for  love  nor 
money.  There  was  not  a  woman  in  the  village 
who  had  any  help,  unless  she  were  fortunate 
enough  to  have  a  grovvn-up  daughter,  a  niece,  or 
an  unmarried,  sister  living  with  her. 

"What  am  I  to  do?"  asked  the  bride  in 
despair,  after  she  fully  understood  the  disabil- 
ities with  which  housekeeping  was  to  be  attend- 
ed. "  I  can't  cook  and  do  all  the  work  about 
the  house.  I  never  got  a  meal's  victuals  in  my 
life." 

"  We  can  go  back  to  the  tavern  and  continue 
boarding,  I  suppose,"  said  the  young  husband, 
uttering  what  he  did  with  great  reluctance  ;  for 
the  accommodations  at  the  stage-house  were 
little  better  than  no  accv^mmodations  at  all. 


tr 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


51 


"  I  wouldn't  be  paid  to  stay  another  night  in 
that  house,"  was  the  quick  reply.  "  The  worst 
fare  we  can  have  here  will  be  better  than  going 
back  to  that  wretched  place." 

"I  fully  agree  with  you,"  said  the  husband. 
"  Bread  and  water  here  would  be  preferable  to 
the  richest  food  there.  Try  and  do  the  best  you 
can,  and  I  will  help  you  all  I  know  how.  It 
would  be  a  pity,  it  seems  to  me,  if  two  young 
people,  with  health,  and  the  means  of  living  as 
we  have,  could  not  take  care  of  themselves." 

So  it  seemed  to  the  young  wife;  but,  then, 
how  was  she  to  do  at  all  1  She  could  make  a 
cup  of  tea,  but  that  was  about  the  most  she 
could  do.  As  to  baking  a  loaf  of  bread,  she 
knew  no  more  about  doing  it  than  if  she  had 
never  heard  of  bread ;  and  the  cooking  of  meat, 
or  the  making  of  pies  or  puddings,  were  mys- 
teries of  the  culinary  drt  far  beyond  her  compre- 
hension. 

The  attempt  to  buy  bread  for  the  first  meal 
proved  unavailing.  There  was  no  baker  yet 
in  the  village.  The  effort  to  beg  or  borrow 
was  more  successful.  The  young  man  called  in 
at  the  house  of  their  nearest  neighbor,  and 
frankly  stated  his  difficulty.  The  woman  to 
whom  he  applied  understood  the  position  of  the 
young    couple    in    a  moment.     She  was  of  the 


52 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


better  sort,  and  not  only   supplied  them  with  a 
couple  of  large  fresh  loaves  of  good  bread,  but 
promised  to  step  over  in  the  morning,  and  give 
the  inexperienced  bride  some  little  instruction  in 
household  affairs.     She  was  as  good  as  her  word, 
and  her  young  scholar   was  quite    an    apt  one. 
The  situation  in  which  the  latter  found  herself 
so   unexpectedly   placed    caused    her   to   reflect 
upon  and   to   be    ashamed   of  her    deficiencies. 
She  had  spent  years  in  the  acquirement  of  va- 
rious  branches    of  information,    many  of  them 
little  better  than  useless  ;  but  not  one  of  them 
was  now  available  in  this  her  first  essay  in  life. 
Her    education    had   been    confined    almost   en- 
tirely  to   the  ornamental,  while  the  useful  had 
been  totally  neglected.     She  had  married,   and 
commenced   the    world  with  her  husband.     He 
was  fully  prepared  to  do  his  part,  but  she  was 
entirely  deficient  in  ability  to  do  hers.     But  she 
had  the  merit  of  possessing  a  fair  proportion  of 
common  sense ;  had  some  quickness  of  percep- 
tion ;   and,  being  willing  to  do  the  best  she  could, 
was  not  long,  under  the  kind  instruction  of  her 
neighbor,  in  acquiring  a  very  fair  knowledge  of 
housekeeping.     For  six  months,  she  did  all  her 
own    cooking,    baking,    washing,    and    ironing. 
There  was  no  help  for  it ;  unless  she  did  it,  it 
would  have  to  remain  undone.     After  that,  she 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


53 


v/as  fortunate  enough  to  obtain  a  good  domestic, 
brought  from  the  East  by  her  husband,  when  he 
went  on  to  purchase  goods. 

A  little  previous  instruction  in  housekeeping 
affairs  would  have  saved  this  person  from  a  good 
deal  of  mortification,  trouble,  and  perplexity. 

A  friend  of  ours,  remarkable  for  his  strong 
good  sens, J,  married  a  very  accomplished  and 
fashionable  young  lady,  attracted  more  by  her 
beauty  and  accomplishments  than  by  any  thing 
else.  In  this,  it  must  be  owned  that  his  strong 
good  sense  did  not  seem  very  apparent.  His 
wife,  however,  proved  to  be  a  very  excellent  com- 
panion, and  was  deeply  attached  to  him,  though 
she  still  loved  company,  and  spent  more  time 
abroad  than  he  exactly  approved.  But,  as  his 
income  was  good,  and  his  house  furnished  with 
a  full  supply  of  domestics,  he  was  not  aware  of 
any  abridgments  of  comfort  on  this  account,  and 
he  therefore  made  no  objection  to  it. 

One  day,  some  few  months  after  his  marriage, 
our  friend,  on  coming  home  to  dinner,  saw  no 
appearance  of  his  usual  meal,  but  found  his  wife 
in  great  trouble  instead. 

"What's  the  matter?"  he  asked. 

"  Nancy  went  off  at  ten  o'clock  this  morning," 
replied  his  wife,  "  and  the  chamber-maid  knov.  s 
5* 


64  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

no  more  about  cooking  a  dinner   than  the  man 
in  the  moon." 

"  Couldn't  she  have  done  it  under  your  direc- 
tion?" inquired  the  husband,  very  coolly. 

"  Under  my  direction  ?  Goodness  !  I  should 
like  to  see  a  dinner  cooked  under  my  direction." 

"Why  so?"  asked  the  husband  in  surprise. 
"  You  certainly  do  not  mean  that  you  cannot 
cook  a  dinner." 

*'  I  certainly  do,  then,"  replied  his  wife.  "  How 
should  I  know  any  thing  about  cooking  ?  " 

The  husband  was  silent,  but  his  look  of  aston- 
ishment perplexed  and  worried  his  wife. 

"  You  look  very  much  surprised,"  she  said, 
after  a  moment  or  two  had  elapsed. 

"And  so  i  am,"  he  answered,  "  as  much  sur- 
prised as  I  should  be  at  finding  the  captain  of 
one  of  my  ships  unacquainted  witTi  navigation^ 
Don't  know-how  to  cook,  and  the  mistress  of_jL, 
family !  Janej  if  there  is^_a  cooking  school  any 
where  in  the  city,  go  to  it,  and  complete  your 
education,  for  it  is  deficient  in  a  very  important 
particular." 

The  wife  was  hurt  and  oftended  at  the  words 
and  manner  of  her  husband  ;  but  she  soon  got 
over  this.  The  next  time  the  cook  went  away, 
there  was  no  trouble  about  the  dinner. 


DOMESTIC    AND    CULINARY    AFFAIRS. 


55 


Under  ordinary  circumstances,  a  woman  whose 
husband  enjoys  a  moderate  income  has  no  need 
to  do  much  in  the  way  of  cooking;  but  as  most 
of  the  domestics  to  be  obtained  know  very 
little  about  this  very  important  branch  of  house- 
hold economy,  it  is  absolutely  necessary  that  the 
mistress  of  a  family  should  herself  be  able  to 
give  the  most  particular  directions  on  thesubiect_ 
—  should,  in  fact,  know  how  to  cook  ever^_djsh 
ordinarily  served  upon  the  table.  But  there  are 
occasions  "wEen~tono  second  hand  should  be 
delegated  the  task  of  preparing  certain  articles 
of  food.  We  now  allude  to  sickness.  No  hand 
but  tVip  }}T\n{\  of  ^  wife  should  prepare  the  food. 
ofjher^^i'il^^'i^  when  he  iB.Jai£k  ;  and  no  hand 
but  the  lianri  nf  ^  ^-nn^lif^f,^  the,  food  of  her  child. 
A  "remembrance  of  the  badly-prepared,  tasteless 
food,  which  almost  every  woman  has  had  served 
to  her,  in  sickness,  from  her  own  cook,  will  be 
felt  as  a  sufficient  reason  for  this  declaration.  To 
cook  for  the  sick  requires  an  experienced  hand. 
A  woman  who  knows  nothing  at  all  about  cook- 
ing will  fail  entirely  in  the  attempt,  and  if  her 
husband  be  sick,  he  will  be  fortunate,  indeed,  if 
he  can  take  more  than  a  few  spoonfuls  of  the 
tea,  or  a  few  morsels  of  the  toast,  that  is  brought 
to  his  bedside  as  he  begins  to  convalesce. 

If  for   no  other   purpose,  a  young  lady  should 


56 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


learn  the  art  of  cooking,  in  order  that  she  may 
be  able  to  prepare  the  food  of  her  parent, 
her  brother,  her  sister,  or,  at  some  future  time, 
the  food  of  her  husband,  when  sick.  This  may 
seem  a  little  matter.  But  no  one  who  has  been 
sick  will  think  it  so. 

This  subject  is  one  that  admits  of  a  great  deal 
more  being  said  on  it  than  we  have  brought  for- 
ward. Enough  to  cause  every  thinking  young 
woman  to  reflect  seriously  on  its  importance, 
has,  however,  been  introduced.  It  must  not  be 
inferred  that  we  would  shut  every  woman  up,  a 
prisoner  in  her  house,  and  cause  her  to  devote 
every  hour  of  her  time  to  domestic  duties.  All 
we  contend  for  is,  that  a  woman  should  govern 
in  her  household,  as  fully  as  a  man  governs  in 
his  store,  office,  counting-room,  manufactory,  or 
workshop,  and  that,  in  order  to  do  this,  she 
should  qualify  herself  beforehand  for  her  par- 
ticular duties,  as  he  has  to  qualify  himself 
for  his. 


IMPROVEMENT    OP    THE    MIND. 


57 


CHAPTER   VI. 


IMPROVEMENT    OF    THE    MIND. 


We  often  find  two  persons,  who  have  been 
equally  well  educated  at  school,  one  of  whom  is 
greatly  in  advance  of  the  other,  in  point  of  in- 
telligence. This  does  not  always  arise  from  the 
superior  ability  of  one,  but  because  one  of  them 
had  read,  thought,  and  observed,  more  than  the 
other.  What_jwe  ^ain  at  school  is  only  the 
means  of  becoming  wise  and  useful.  Jf  we  let 
it  lie  inactive  in  our  minds,  it  will  do  us  no 
good.  How  quickly  does  a  young  lady  lose  her 
power  over  the  piano,  if  she  neglect  the  instru- 
ment !  How  soon  is  a  language  forgotten,  if 
we  do  not  attempt  to  speak  or  write  it !  And 
this  is  true  of  nearly  every  thing  that  is  acquired 
at  school.  It  lies  merely  in  the  outer  court  of 
the  memory,  and  does  not  enter  and  make  any 
permanent  impression  upon  the  mind,  until  it  is 
practised  and  made  useful  in  every-day  life. 

We  often  hear  it  said  of  a  woman,  in  society, 
that  she  is  a  well-educated  woman ;  and  the  in- 
ference usually  drawn  is,  that  she  has  received  a 
liberal    education   at  school.       But   the   remark 


n  r 


58 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


means  something  more ;  it  means   that  she  is  a 

i  reading,  observing,  and  reflecting  woman.     Hun- 

I  dreds    have   their    memories    crowded    with  the 

I         rudiments  of  an  education,  that  lie  there  as  in- 

j  active   as  food  in  the  stomach  of  a  dyspeptic  ; 

I  and  they  imagine  themselves  to   be    well    edu- 

I  cated;  but  it  is  all  an  imagination.     To  be  well 

j         educated  is  something  very  different  from  this. 

I  All  real  improvement  of  the  mind  commences 

I  at  the  time  we  first  begin  to  think  for  ourselves  ; 

and  this  is  after  we  have  left  school.     At  school, 

we  merely  acquire  the  means  to  be  used  in  that 

true  and  higher  order  of  education  which  every 

I  one  must  gain  for  himself.     It  matters  not  how 

i  many  studies  a  young  lady  may  have  pursued  at 

I  school,  nor  how  thoroughly  she  may  have  mas- 

1  tered  all  she  attempted  to  learn  :  if,  after  leaving 

I  school,  she  do  not  read,  observe,  and  think,  she 

will  never  make  an  intelligent  woman. 

In  every  company  a  young  lady  will  find  two 
classes  of  persons,  distinctly  separated  from  each 
other.  If  she  mingle  with  those  of  one  class, 
she  will  find  their  conversation  to  consist  almost 
entirely  of  light  and  frivolous  remarks  on  peo" 
pie's  habits,  dress,  and  manners,  with  the  occa- 
sional introduction  of  a  graver  theme,  that  is 
quickly  set  aside,  or  treated  with  a  4evity  entirely 
at  variance  with  its  merits.     But  if  she  mingle 


IMPROVEMENT    OF    THE    MINB. 


59 


with  those  of  the  other  class,  she  will  find  her- 
self at  once  upon  a  higher  plane,  and  be  im- 
pressed with  the  pleasing  consciousness  that  she 
has  a  mind  that  can  think  and  feel  interested  in 
subjects  of  general  and  more  weighty  interest. 
An  hour  spent  with  the  one  class  leaves  her 
mind  obscure  and  vacant ;  while  an  hour  spent 
with  the  other  elevates,  expands,  and  strengthens 
its  powers,  and  causes  it  to  see  in  a  clearer  at- 
mosphere. 

With  one  or  the  other  of  these  classes  a  young 
lady  is  almost  sure  to  identify  herself,  and  rise 
into  an  intelligent  woman,  or  remain  nearly  upon 
the  level  she  at  first  occupied.  We  need  not 
say  how  important  it  is  for  her  to  identify  herself 
with  the  right  class.  Of  course,  her  own  tastes 
and  preferences  will  have  much  to  do  in  this 
matter.  But,  if  she  incline  towards  the  unthink- 
ing and  frivolous,  she  will  be  wise  if  she  resist 
such  an  inclination,  and  compel  herself,  for  a 
time,  to  mingle  with  those  who  look  upon  life 
with  the  eye  of  rational  intelligence,  and  seek  to 
live  to  some  good  purpose.  The  mental  food 
received  during  the  time  she  thus  compels  her- 
self to  mingle  with  them  will  create  an  appetite 
that  unsubstantial  gossip  and  frothy  chit-chat  can 
no  longer  satisfy. 

The  importance  and  necessity  of  reading  need 


60         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

hardly  be  affirmed.  Its  use  is  fully  understood 
and  admitted.  But  there  is  great  danger  of 
enervating  the  mind  by  improper  reading.  For 
a  young  girl  to  indulge  much  in  novel-reading 
is  a  very  serious  evil.  Few  of  the  popular 
novels  of  the  day  are  fit  to  go  into  the  hands  of 
a  young  and  imaginative  girl.  Apart  from  the 
false  views  of  life  which  they  present,  and  the 
false  philosophy  which  they  too  often  inculcate, 
they  lift  an  inexperienced  reader  entirely  above 
the  real,  from  whence  she  has  too  little  inclina- 
tion to  come  down ;  and  whenever  she  does 
come  down,  she  is  unhappy,  because  she  finds 
none  of  the  ideal  perfections  around  her,  with 
which  her  imagination  has  becomiC  filled,  but  is 
forever  coming  into  rude  contact  with  something 
that  shocks  her  over-refined  sensibilities.  Her 
own  condition  in  life  she  will  be  in  great  danger 
of  contrasting  with  that  of  some  favorite  heroine 
of  romance.  If  she  do  this,  she  will  be  almost 
sure  to  make  herself  miserable.  A  young  lady 
who  indulges  much  in  novel-reading  never  be- 
comes a  woman  of  true  intelligence.  She  may 
be  able  to  converse  fluently,  and  to  make  herself 
at  times  a  very  agreeable  companion,  even  to 
those  who  are  greatly  her  superiors  :  but  she  has 
no  strength  of  intellect,  nor  has  she  right  views 
of  life. 


IMPROVEMENT    OF    THE    MIND. 


61 


All  works  of  fiction,  however,  are  not  bad. 
Where  the  author's  aim  is  to  give  right  views 
of  life,  and  to  teach  true  principles,  if  he  possess 
the  requisite  ability  to  execute  his  design  well, 
he  may  do  great  good.  The  reading  of  works 
of  this  kind  forms  not  only  a  healthy  mental 
recreation,  but  creates  a  true  sympathy  in  the 
mind  for  virtuous  actions,  and  inspires  to  emula- 
tion in  good  deeds.  It  is  by  means  of  this  kind 
of  writing  that  the  broadest  contrasts  between 
right  and  wrong  are  made,  and  so  presented  to 
the  reader  that  he  cannot  but  love  the  one  while 
he  abhors  the  other.  Who  can  read  one  of  Miss 
Sedgwick's  admirable  little  books —  "The  Poor 
Rich  Man  and  the  Rich  Poor  Man,"  "  Live  and 
Let  Live,"  or  "  Home,"  —  without  rising  from 
its  perusal  with  healthier  views  of  life,  and  a 
more  earnest  desire  in  all  things  to  do  justly  and 
to  love  mercy.  Of  this  class  of  books  there  are 
a  great  many.  The  novels  and  tales  of  Miss 
Edgeworth,  Miss  Bremer,  Mrs.  Howitt,  and  Mrs. 
Opie,  are  good,  and  may  be  read  with  not  only 
pleasure,  but  profit,  by  every  young  lady.  The 
time  spent  in  their  perusal  will  not  be  lost.  In- 
deed, some  portion  of  the  time  occupied  in  read- 
ing just  such  books,  is  necessary  to  a  well-bal- 
anced mind.  In  reading  history,  we  sympathize 
only  with  masses  of  people,  or  admire  some  pow- 
6 


62  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

erful  leader ;  books  of  philosophy  lift  the  mind 
up  into  an  abstract  region  of  thought;  and 
poetry  warms,  inspires,  and  delights  the  imagi- 
nation, while  it  purifies  and  refines  the  taste. 
All  these  are  necessary  to  right  intellectual  cul- 
ture; they  form  the  very  groundwork,  solid 
walls,  and  inward  garniture  of  a  well-educated 
mind.  But  if  reading  be  confined  to  these 
alone,  there  is  danger  of  becoming  cold  and 
unsympathizing  —  of  living  in  an  intellectual 
world,  more  than  in  a  real  world  of  people,  with 
like  thoughts  and  like  affections  with  ourselves. 
It  is  here  that  well-wrought  fiction  comes  in 
with  a  humanizing  tendency;  giving  to  man  a 
love  for  his  fellow-man,  and  inspiring  him  with 
a  wish  to  do  good.  In  history,  travels,  and 
biography,  we  see  man  on  the  outside,  as  it 
were,  and  regard  him  at  a  distance,  as  a  think- 
ing and  effective  being;  but  in  fiction,  we  per- 
ceive that  he  is  fashioned  in  all  things  as  we  are ; 
that  he  has  like  hopes  and  fears,  joys  and  sor- 
rows, and  like  aspirations  after  the  good  and  the 
true,  and  we  are  gradually  led  to  feel  with  and 
for  him  as  a  brother,  —  we  hold  him  by  the 
hand,  we  look  in  his  face,  we  see  the  very  pul- 
sations of  his  heart.  All  this  is  good  —  all  this 
is  necessary  to  the  true  formation  of  character. 
But  for  a  young  lady  to  limit  her  reading  to 


IMPROVEMENT    OF    THE    MIND. 


63 


this  order  of  books,  or  even  to  spend  a  large 
part  of  the  time  allotted  to  reading  to  their 
perusal,  will  hinder  her  advancement  in  mental 
improvement.  She  will  be  very  apt,  also,  to 
sink  into  the  mere  waste  of  sympathy  toward 
ideal  personages,  without  seeing  in  them  types 
of  real  classes  that  are  in  the  world,  and  all 
around  her. 

All  right  improvement  of  the  mind  will  depend 
upon  the  leading  motive  which  a  young  lady  has 
in  view,  when  she  reads,  thinks,  or  observes, 
with  a  careful  eye,  what  passes  around  her.  If 
her  end  be  to  acquire  the  power  of  conversing 
intelligently  on  various  topics,  and  of  exhibiting 
an  acquaintance  with  books,  in  order  to  appear 
well  in  society,  or  to  gain  the  reputation  of  being 
an  intellectual  and  well-read  woman,  her  ad- 
vancement will  not  be  as  real  as  she  supposes. 
All  knowledge  has  its  appropriate  sphere  of 
action,  and  that  is  in  the  doing  of  something 
useful ;  and  until  it  comes  into  this  its  true 
sphere,  it  never  rises  into  intelligence.  If 
therefore,  a  woman  reads  and  thinks  merely 
with  an  end  to  be  thought  wise,  she  never  be- 
comes more  than  a  mere  pedant,  who  betrays, 
on  all  occasions,  the  shallowness  of  her  preten 
sions ;  but  if  she  use  the  truth  she  acquires  in 
seeking   to  advance  the  cause  of  truth   for  the 


64  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

sake  of  the  power  it  gives  to  do  good,  then  is  she 
in  the  way  of  becoming  intelligent  and  wise. 

A  woman  of  true  intelligence  is  a  blessing  at 
Jiome,  liT^lier  cTrcle"^of^frieliH^s^  aiKTjn  societyT 
Wherever  she  goes,  she  carries  with  her  a  health- 
giving  influence.  There  is  a  beautiful  harmony 
about  her  character  that  at  once  inspires  a  re- 
spect which  soon  warms  into  love.  The  in- 
fluence of  such  a  woman  upon  society  is  of  the 
most  salutary  kind.  She  strengthens  right  prin- 
ciples in  the  virtuous,  incites  the  selfish  and  in- 
different to  good  actions,  and  gives  to  even  the 
light  and  frivolous  a  taste  for  food  more  substan- 
tial than  the  frothy  gossip  with  which  they  seek 
to  recreate  their  minds. 

To  give  particular  rules  for  self-improvement, 
and  to  specify  the  books  to  be  read,  and  the 
order  of  reading  them,  is  a  thing  not  easily  done. 
Indeed,  what  would  be  a  right  order  for  one  to 
pursue,  would  not  suit  another;  and  therefore 
we  shall  not  attempt  to  lay  down  any  rules  on 
this  subject.  Extensive  reading  is  all  very  good  ; 
but  right  thinking  on  what  we  read,  even  if  the 
amount  be  small,  is  far  better.  The  only  sound 
advice  we  are  prepared  to  give  is,  for  a  young 
lady  to  suffer  herself  to  be  attracted  towards  the 
class  of  intelligent  persons  which  she  will  always 
find  in  society,  and  to  which  we  have  alluded  in 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


65 


this  chapter.  If  she  permit  herself  to  become 
interested  in  the  subjects  that  interest  them,  and 
be  guided  by  what  they  mainly  approve,  she  will 
find  no  difficulty  in  the  choice  of  books.  And 
if  she  seek  improvement  more  from  a  love  of 
truth  than  to  be  thought  intelligent,  she  will 
soon  be  able  to  see  truth  so  clearly  in  the  light 
of  her  own  understanding,  as  to  be  at  no  loss  in 
making  right  discriminations  on  nearly  all  sub- 
jects that  are  presented  to  her  mind. 


CHAPTER   VII. 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


The  lines  of  distinction,  on  account  of  con- 
dition, are  more  clearly  drawn  in  reference  to 
women  than  men,  and  they  are  also  much  more 
difficult  to  pass.  A  poor  young  girl,  without  the 
advantages  of  education,  finds  it  very  difficult  to 
rise  above  her  original  condition,  while  lads  in 
the  same  circumstances,  if  they  possess  quick- 
ness and  intelligence,  are  almost  sure,  when  they 
become  men,  to  take  a  higher  place  in  society, 
than   they   seemed   at  first    destined  to  occupy. 


66  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

Not  one  cause  alone,  but  many  causes  combined, 
go  to  produce  this  result.  There  is  much  of 
actual  disability  to  rise  far  above  her  condition, 
which  tends  to  keep  a  young  girl  down,  resulting 
from  want  of  education,  refined  and  intelligent 
companionship,  and  the  almost  invariable  neces- 
sity for  constant  and  wearying  labor  with  her 
hands.  These  all  unite  to  hinder  mental  im- 
provement, a  cultivation  of  the  taste,  refinement 
of  manner,  and  the  attainment  of  those  accom- 
plishments so  indispensable  to  a  woman,  and 
without  which  a  poor  girl  cannot  rise  above  her 
first  estate  in  life.  But  all  these  combined  need 
not  hinder  her  elevation  if  she  will  but  look  up, 
and  strive  after  the  attainment  of  real  virtue,  in- 
telligence, and  grace  of  mind  and  body.  It  is 
not  so  much  the  condition  into  which  a  young 
woman  is  born,  that  excludes  her  from  familiar 
intercourse  with  the  intelligent  and  refined  of 
her  own  and  the  other  sex,  as  it  is  her  lack  of 
that  intelligence  and  refinement  which  is  in 
itself  the  social  bond  of  union  among  them. 
Pride  in  those  above  her  is  not  so  strong  to 
keep  her  down,  as  disabilities  and  unfitnesses  in 

j  herself      These,    at  first,  are   her   misfortunes ; 

I  but,  afterwards,  they  may  become  her  faults. 

j  The  mere  introduction  of  one,  born  and  edu- 

i  cr.ted  in  a  low  condition  in  life,  into  the  society 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


67 


of  those  who  are  born  into,  or  have  been  elevated 
into,  a  higher,  more  intelligent,  and  refined  con- 
dition, would  be  rather  an  injury  than  a  benefit, 
if  she  were  not  at  the  same  time  gifted  with  some 
portion  of  a  corresponding  intelligence  and  re- 
finement. She  could  neither  give  nor  receive 
any  thing  —  could  add  nothing  to  the  general 
good  and  general  enjoyment,  nor  receive  any 
genuine  good  or  true  enjoyment  in  return.  The 
wish  to  be  thus  introduced,  without  the  requisite 
qualifications  for  such  an  introduction,  has  its 
origin  in  pride,  as  much  as  the  wish  to  keep  out 
from  the  benefits  of  refined  society  those  who  are 
in  an  humble  condition,  hecmise  they  are  poor 
and  humble,  has  its  origin  in  pride.  Among 
the  poor,  uneducated,  and  humble,  there  exists 
the  same  natural  ability  to  be  refined  and  intelli- 
gent, as  among  those  born  to  a  better  condition  : 
the  difference  lies  in  the  difference  of  means 
available  to  each,  arising  from  the  peculiarity 
of  external  circumstances. 

While  it  is  possible  fcr  a  poor,  uneducated 
girl  to  become  a  highly-accomplished  and  intel- 
ligent woman,  yet,  from  the  very  nature  of  the 
disabilities  surrounding  her,  this  is  a  very  diffi- 
cult matter,  and  a  thing  but  rarely  attained. 
The  chief  end  we  have  in  view  in  particularly 
introducing  this  subject  now,  is  to  show  that  a 


ii 


bo  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

certain  degree  of  intelligence  and  refinement, 
while  it  adds  to  the  happiness  and  means  of 
doing  good,  is  attainable  by  all,  no  matter  how 
low  their  original  condition,  and  should  be 
striven  after  by  all.  The  influence  of  an  igno- 
rant, vulgar-minded  woman  is  necessarily  bad,  I 
whether  it  be  felt  by  her  companions,  relatives,  | 
husband,  or  children.  As  a  maiden,  she  in-  | 
spires  no  virtuous  resolves  in  those  with  whom  j 
she  associates;  as  a  wife,  she  does  not  elevate  I 
the  mind  of  her  husband,  and  make  him  love  \ 
what  is  really  excellent,  because  in  her  person-  i 
ified;  as  a  mother,  she  does  not  implant  in  the  j 
minds  of  her  children  that  love  of  truth  by  ! 
v/hich,  in  after  life,  they  may  be  raised  from  the 
baseness  and  disorder  of  their  natural  condition. 
From  this  simple  fact,  it  is  at  once  seen,  that 
upon  the  elevation  of  woman  depends  the  eleva- 
tion of  the  lower  classes  of  society.  Every  one 
should  bear  this  in  mind,  and  especially  woman 
herself —  woman  in  an  humble'  as  well  as  in  a 
high  condition. 

A  young  girl  who  is  poor,  and  unblessed 
by  the  advantages  of  a  good  education,  will 
find  little  to  awaken  a  desire  for  improvement, 
refinement,  and  self-elevation.  Nearly  all  that 
surrounds  her  tends  to  hold  her  just  where  she 
is.      Obeying  the   social  law  of  her  being,  she 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


69 


seeks  companions  ;  and  these  are  young  persons 
of  her  own  age,  and  in  a  like  condition.  Too 
rarely  does  she  find  among  them  a  desire  for 
self-improvement,  and  too  often  a  love  of  what 
is  low  and  vulgar.  The  time  she  passes  with 
them  is  frequently  spent  in  the  most  senseless 
frivolities,  or  in  conversation  about  dress  and 
beaux,  and  such  matters  as  tend  to  give  false 
views  of  life,  and  excite  the  lowest  passions. 
Of  the  excellence  of  virtue,  the  love  of  being 
useful  to  others,  the  beauty  of  a  modest  deport- 
ment, she  hears  little,  if  any  thing  at  all,  in  this 
thoughtless  circle.  There  is  little  to  elevate 
her,  little  to  awaken  in  her  mind  an  earnest 
aspiration  after  the  truly  good  and  beautiful; 
but  every  thing  to  hold  her  where  she  is,  or  to 
drag  her  down  lower. 

Every  one  thus  situated,  however,  who  really 
desires  to  elevate  herself  above  the  low  position 
in  which  she  finds  herself  placed,  will  always  meet 
with  some  one  or  more  among  her  associates  of 
a  better  class  than  the  rest.  If  she  make  these, 
rather  than  the  others,  her  companions,  she  will 
find  much  to  aid,  encourage,  and  strengthen 
her.  Once  in  the  upward  movement,  and  self- 
elevation  will  be,  comparatively,  an  easy  thing. 
To  sketch  briefly  the  history  of  one  thus  sit- 
uated, and  to  show  how  she  elevated  herself,  will 


70         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

make  a  stronger  impression  upon  the  mind  than 
any  mere  declaration  of  the  means  by  which 
such  an  elevation  is  to  be  gained.  This  we  shall 
attempt  to  do. 

Ann  Liston  was  the  daughter  of  a  poor  me- 
chanic, who  had  a  large  family  and  a  small 
income.  The  father  was  industrious,  and  so  was 
his  wife ;  but  the  income  was  so  small,  and  the 
wants  so  many,  that,  with  all  their  industry  and 
efforts  to  save,  they  could  get  nothing  ahead. 
As  soon  as  Ann  was  old  enough  to  do  any  thing 
useful,  she  was  under  the  necessity  of  assisting 
her  mother.  She  was  not  over  nine  years  of 
age  when  first  obliged  to  work  about  the  house, 
or  to  nurse  the  baby.  But  she  was  handy  and 
willing,  and  this  made  her  very  useful  to  her 
mother,  notwithstanding  she  was  so  young. 
The  condition  of  Ann  necessarily  excluded  her 
from  the  advantages  of  a  good  education.  She 
went  to  school  only  a  few  quarters,  and  merely 
learned  to  read  and  to  write  a  little,  besides 
gaining  some  small  acquaintance  with  figures. 
There  was  nothing  at  home  to  excite  a  taste  for 
reading,  and  few  books  within  her  reach  to 
gratify  that  taste,  had  it  been  excited.  The 
whole  family  library  consisted  of  the  Bible, 
Prayer  Book,  Pilgrim's  Progress,  and  one  or 
two  old  books  of  history  and  travel.     The  father 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


71 


was  not  a  reading  man,  nor  was  the  mother  at 
all  inclined  to  books.  But  both  were  members 
of  the  church,  and  on  Sunday  read  their  Bible, 
and  regularly  attended  worship  with  their  chil- 
dren, teaching  them  to  fear  God  and  rev 
erence  sacred  things. 

At  the  acre  of  fourteen,  Ann  went  from  home 
to  learn  the  trade  of  dress-making.  Up  to  this 
period,  her  home  duties  had  been  so  constant 
and  engrossing  as  to  allow  her  but  little  time  to 
mingle  with  young  girls  of  her  own  age  and 
condition.  Her  habits,  feelings,  and  tastes  were 
not,  as  may  be  supposed,  at  all  refined,  nor  was 
there  more  than  a  rough  polish  to  her  manners. 
Five  years  of  pretty  constant  and  pretty  hard 
labor  about  the  house  had  taken  from  her  limbs 
and  movements  the  natural  grace  of  childhood, 
and  left  her  somewhat  ungainly  and  awkward. 
To  counterbalance  these  defects  of  habit  and 
education,  Ann  had  an  honest  mind,  and  pos- 
sessed a  natural  independence  of  thought  and 
action,  with  some  shrewdness,  and  a  good  deal 
of  common  sense.  Thus  furnished,  she  left  her 
father's  house,  and  went  forth  to  gain  an  inde- 
pendent livelihood  in  the  world.  Her  first  ex- 
periences were  rather  painful.  She  found  her- 
self in  the  midst  of  some  ten  or  fifteen  young 
girls,  from  her  own   age  up  to  twenty,  all  en- 


■  72         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES 

I  g^ged,  like  herself,  in  acquiring  a  knowledge  of 

;  the  business  she  had  come  to  learn.     Some  of 

'  these,    who    had    been   blessed   with  advantages 
greater  than  hers,  or  who  had  seen  more  of  the 

i  world,  were  not  backward  in  ridiculing  the  un- 

I  polished  girl  for  her  defects  of  speech,  dress,  and 

i  manner.     Ann  was  sensitive,    and  these  things 

1  hurt  her  ;  but  the  result  was  good,  for  it  caused 

I  her  to  think  of  the  defects  pointed  out  so  rudely, 

i  and  to  make  an  effort  to  correct  them.     It  like- 
wise caused  her  to  be  retiring   and  observant  — 

;  to   think    of  her    words,  her  manners,  and  her 
conduct.       Many   months  did   not  pass,    before 

I  there  was  a  change  in  her  external  appearance, 

!  and  in  her  manners,  that  was  very  apparent  —  a 

!  change  that  had  been  so  gradual  as  not  to  attract 

i  sudden  attention.     She  had  also  learned  to  think, 

!  and  to  contrast  the  good  principles  she  had  been 

■  taught  at  home  with  what  she  saw  and  heard. 
I  Early  impressed  with  a  regard  for  the  truth,  to 
t  her  great  surprise  she  too  often  found  it  violated 
I  by  those  around  her ;  and  she  was  no  less  sur- 
I  prised  to  find  in  many  of  the  young  girls  in  the 
I  work-room  a  total   disregard  to  the  interests  of 

the  person  with  whom  they  were  learning  their 

I  trade. 

'  Among  her  fellow-apprentices  was  one  named 

1  Florence,  to  whom  Ann  early  attached  herself. 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


73 


She  was  the  daughter  of  a  widow,  suddenly  re- 
duced from  comfortable  to  needy  circumstances, 
and  was  acquiring  a  knowledge  of  dress-making 
as  a  means  of  adding  to  their  small  and  insuf- 
ficient income.  This  girl  had  received  an  ex- 
cellent education,  and  had  moved  in  very  good 
society.  She  was  intelligent,  polished  in  her 
manners,  and  possessed  a  finely-cultivated  taste. 
The  loss  of  friends,  and  a  change  in  external 
circumstances,  had  subdued  her  whole  character, 
and  made  her  thoughtful.  There  was  something 
about  Ann,  rude  as  she  at  first  was,  that  caused 
her  to  respect  the  poor  girl.  Instead  of  ridicul- 
ing her  for  her  deficiencies,  she  gently  sought 
to  correct  them.  This  evidence  of  good-will 
touched  the  feelings  of  Ann,  who  hearkened  to 
all  her  suggestions,  and  sought  to  correct  every 
little  defect  of  manner,  or  roughness  of  speech, 
that  was  kindly  pointed  out  to  her.  The  ease, 
grace,  and  v/omanly  dignity  of  Florence  were 
beautiful  in  the  eyes  of  the  humble-minded  girl. 
She  saw  in  them  something  really  true  and  ex- 
cellent, when  contrasted  with  the  rudeness  and 
bold  vulgarity  of  others  in  the  work-room.  Her 
whole  character  was  a  model  of  excellence  in 
her  eyes — a  standard  of  emulation.  We  first 
begin  to  rise  towards  excellence  of  any  kind, 
when  we  first  begin  to  admire  and  love  it, 
7 


74  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

So  it   was    with    Ann  Liston.     She   no   sooner 
began  to  admire  and  love  the  whole  character  i 

I  of  Florence,   than  she  began  to  form  her  own  j 

!  character,  as  far  as  she  could  do  so,  after  a  like 

I  model.     In  her  leisure  moments,  she  read  such 

books  as    were   placed    in   her   hands  by    Flor- 
I  ence.     These  were  not  the  popular  and  exciting  | 

;  novels  of  the  day,  that  were  read  l^  too  many  | 

i  of  her  young  companions  ;  but  books  that  made  | 

her  think  truly  of  life,  and  her  own  duties   and  I 

!  ...  I 

I  responsibilities.  i 

j  By  the   time  Ann  had  finished   learning  her 

!  trade,  she  was  very  much  changed  for  the  better. 

j  The  whole  expression  of  her  face  was   altered. 

Her   step  was  more  graceful,  her  speech  more  | 

!  polished,  and  her  mind  more  enlightened.     Con-  | 

trasted  with  several  of  those  who  had  ridiculed  j 

her  for  her  deficiencies,  when  she  first  left  her  ! 

home,    the    difference  was    quite    as    strong    as  i 

•  before;    but    now    it  was    in    her    favor.      The 

i  achievement  of  this  much  was  not  without  pass-  j 

j  ing  through  many  temptations  from  some  of  the  j 

vulgar,    low-minded  girls  around  her.      Several  ! 

of  these   had  their  beaux,  whom  they  used  fre- 
quently to  meet  and  walk  with  in  the  evening;  ! 
and   they    often   persuaded    Ann    to  join  them.  | 
Once  or  twice  she  did  do  so ;  but  the  young  men 
she  met  were  even  more  vulgar  minded  than  her 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


75 


companions,  who  were,  as  it  seemed  to  her, 
most  iinblushingly  familiar  with  the  young  men. 
Shocked  and  disgusted  with  all  this,  she  ven- 
tured no  more  into  such  company,  contenting 
herself  with  reading  alone,  when  not  at  work,  or 
in  congenial  intercourse  with  Florence,  and  one 
or  two  others  more  like  her  than  the  rest. 

After  having  learned  her  trade,  the  next  busi- 
ness of  Ann  was  to  go  out  and  sew  for  her  living. 
Modest  in  her  deportment  quiet,  and  what  might 
now  be  called  lady-like  in  her  manners,  indus- 
trious and  capable,  Ann  soon  had  as  much,  and 
more  than  she  could  do  in  families  of  good 
standing,  in  all  of  which  she  was  respected  and 
treated  as  she  deserved.  She  continued  in  this 
capacity  for  about  three  years,  during  which 
time  both  mind  and  person  steadily  improved, 
until  she  became  a  really  interesting  and  quite 
intelligent  young  woman.  But,  withal,  she  was 
exceedingly  modest  and  retiring.  A  very  fine 
young  man,  a  clerk  in  the  store  of  the  husband 
of  one  of  the  ladies  for  whom  she  worked,  had 
noticed  Ann  for  more  than  a  year.  Her  appear- 
ance, manner,  and  conversation,  whenever  he 
did  hear  her  speak,  which  was  seldom,  pleased 
him  very  much.  At  last,  encouraged  by  the 
lady  just  alluded  to,  who  spoke  in  the  highest 
praise  of  Ann,  he  formally   addressed  her,  and 


76         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

was,  after  a  time,  fortunate  enough  to  gain  her 
consent  to  be  married.  She  made  him  a  frugal, 
industrious  wife,  and  an  excellent  companion. 
About  five  years  afterwards,  he  went  into  busi- 
ness on  a  small  capital,  which  they  had  saved 
from  his  salary,  and  was  quite  successful.  He 
did  not  become,  it  is  true,  a  very  rich  man,  nor 
his  wife  a  great  lady ;  but  they  were  in  good  cir- 
cumstances, and  able  to  give  their  children  every 
advantage  of  education,  and  the  means  of  useful- 
ness and  advancement  in  the  world. 

Out  of  ten  young  girls  in  the  work-room  where 
Ann  learned  her  trade,  all  with  no  better  advan- 
tages than  she  had  possessed,  seven  married  men 
of  low  minds  and  vulgar  habits,  and  never  rose 
above  their  original  condition.  Two  were  more 
like  Ann,  and  they  were  sought  by  young  men 
of  a  better  class.  One  of  them  did  not  marry 
at  all. 

No  matter  how  many  and  great  may  be  the 
disadvantages  under  which  a  young  girl  may 
labor,  —  she  may  yet  rise,  if  she  will,  very  much 
above  the  points,  in  external  condition,  from 
which  she  started  in  life.  And  in  proportion 
as  she  thus  rises  will  she  find  a  higher  degree 
of  happiness,  and  be  able  to  do  far  more  good 
than  otherwise  would  be  possible  to  her. 

Every  thing  that  tends  to  elevate  the  lower 


EXTERNAL    CONDITION. 


77 


classes  of  the  community  above  what  is  rude, 
ignorant,  and  vulgar,  adds  to  their  happiness, 
because  it  makes  them  better  and  wiser ;  but 
this  rudeness,  ignorance,  and  vulgarity  will  pre- 
vail just  so  long  as  woman  is  kept  down  by  the 
pressure  of  circumstances ;  for,  in  her  influence 
upon  the  other  sex,  but  mainly  upon  her  chil- 
dren, lies  the  all-potent  principle  of  social  refor- 
mation. Let  every  young  woman,  if  her  lot  be 
humble,  and  her  advantages  few,  remember  that 
she  has  a  duty  to  perform  to  society  as  well  as 
herself,  and  wisely  seek  to  fulfil  the  obligations 
that  rest  upon  her.  At  the  same  time,  every 
young  woman,  who  is  blessed  with  the  superior 
advantages  of  education  and  refinement,  should 
as  earnestly  seek  to  lift  up  those  below  her, 
and  inspire  them  with  a  love  of  what  is  useful, 
refined,  and  truly  good. 

Those  whose  external  condition  is  very  dif- 
ferent from  what  we  have  been  describing,  who 
are  blessed  with  all  the  comforts,  luxuries,  and 
advantages  attainable  by  wealth,  are  in  some 
danger  of  entertaining  false  notions  in  regard  to 
themselves,  and  of  valuing  themselves  more  on 
account  of  their  condition  in  life,  than  for  the 
virtues  they  possess.  This  is  of  course  a  false 
valuation ;  and  whoever  makes  it  commits  an 
error  that  will  lead    to  unhappiness    sooner    or 


78         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

later.  Wealth  affords  great  advantages,  but  it 
makes  no  one  any  the  better.  Gold  never  pur- 
chases virtue  nor  excellence  of  character ;  it  is 
possessed  alike  by  the  good  and  the  bad  ;  and 
whoever  values  himself,  as  a  man,  on  account  of 
his  wealth,  shows  himself  to  be  a  very  weak  man. 
A  young  girl,  who  has  all  the  advantages  that 
wealth  affords,  will  be  very  apt  to  feel  that  she 
is  superior  to  those  in  a  lower  condition,  simply 
because  she  is  surrounded  with  more  of  the  ele- 
gances of  life  than  they  are,  and  moves  in  what 
is  called  a  higher  circle.  But  this  feeling  she 
should  strive  against  as  ignoble ;  for  what  have 
the  elegances  of  life  with  which  others  have 
surrounded  her,  and  the  circle  of  friends  into 
which  a  happy  concurrence  of  circum.stances 
has  introduced  her,  to  do  with  her  real  worth  ? 
Nothing  whatever !  One  far  below  her  in 
the  reception  and  enjoyment  of  these  blessings, 
may  really  be  far  above,  her  in  all  that  goes  to 
make  up  the  true  woman.  Let  her,  then,  make 
virtue  the  standard  of  excellence,  and  let  her 
seek  to  do  some  good  with  the  ability  and  supe- 
rior advantages  that  God  has  given  her,  instead 
of  sitting  idly  down  in  the  vain  imagination  of 
her  own  superiority. 


GOSSIPING    AND    EVIL    SPEAKING. 


79 


CHAPTER   VIII. 


GOSSIPIN(?«AND    EVIL    SPEAKING. 


These  are  faults  into  which  the  young  and 
thoughtless  are  very  apt  to  be  betrayed,  and  to 
indulge  in  to  a  most  unjustifiable  and  sometimes 
pernicious  extent,  whereby  the  most  trivia]  fail- 
ing of  a  companion  is  magnified  into  a  very 
serious  offence  against  propriety,  or  an  un- 
guarded word  made  to  do  an  injury  never  in- 
tended by  the  one  who  uttered  it. 

A  young  lady  should  be  very  guarded,  indeed, 
about  speaking  evil  of  any  one,  and  equally  so 
how  she  repeats  the  disparaging  remarks  of 
another.  Much  of  this  evil  speaking  arises 
from  thoughtless  misjudgments  of  those  who 
happen  not  to  be  very  much  liked.  Whatever 
tliey  do  or  say  is  seen  through  a  false  medium, 
that  gives  to  it  an  unnatural  distortion,  or  an 
improper  coloring.  Of  the  injustice  of  this 
nothing  need  be  said,  for  all  can  see  and  ac- 
knowledge it.  The  difficulty  is,  to  make  each 
cne,  who  indulges  this  evil  practice,  conscious 
that  she  is  really  guilty  of  doing  so,  and  there- 
fore a  wroniT-docr  to  others. 


80 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


A  disposition  to  see  the  faults  and  defects  of 
others,  instead  of  what  is  good  in  them,  is  one 
of  our  most  common  failings ;  and  what  we  see, 
or  think  we  see,  is  what  we  are  most  apt  to 
speak  of  This  is  the  reason  why  we  generally 
hear  more  evil  than  good  spoken  of  as  appertain- 
ing to  other  people. 

The  very  common  habit  of  making  the  sayings 
and  doings  of  our  acquaintances  the  principal 
subjects  of  conversation  is  by  no  means  a  good 
one,  and  should  be  avoided  as  much  as  possible, 
for  the  reason  that  such  conversation  is  rarely 
profitable,  and  very  apt  to  betray  us  into  allu- 
sions to  their  defects,  as  much  more  prominent 
than  their  excellences.  And  as  it  does  us  no 
good  to  think  of  the  faults  of  our  friends,  nor 
them  any  good  for  us  to  speak  about  them,  the 
least  said  on  such  matters  the  better.  It  is  not 
possible,  however,  always  to  avoid  allusions  to 
what  has  been  said  and  done  by  our  friends,  or 
to  the  appearance  made  by  them  on  certain  oc- 
casions. Two  young  ladies,  for  instance,  will 
meet  on  the  day  after  a  fashionable  party,  and 
one  of  them  will  allude  to  the  dress,  appearance, 
or  manners  of  some  one  or  more,  who  either  ex- 
hibited a  sad  want  of  tas^^e,  or  whose  conduct 
attracted  attention  for  its  freedom  and  want  of 
delicacy.     Such  things  always  occur,  and  always 


GOSSIPING    AND    EVIL    SPEAKING. 


81 


cause  disparaging  remarks.  The  other  young 
lady,  even  though  she  d6  not  ordinarily  take 
pleasure  in  noticing  the  faults  of  her  acquaint- 
ances, cannot  help  assenting  to  what  is  said, 
and  the  temptation  to  express  herself  freely  on 
the  subject  vi^ill  be  very  strong.  She  should 
guard  herself,  however,  and  avoid  magnifying 
what  did  really  occur,  and  should  seek  to 
change  the  subject  as  quickly  as  possible. 
Something  like  the  following  mode  of  reply,  in 
such  cases,  should  be  adopted :  — 

"  Did  you  ever  see  such  horrid  taste  as  Miss 

P displayed?"    remarks  one  young    friend 

to  another.  ''  She  looked  like  a  stage-dancer." 
'*  She  certainly  was  very  much  over-dressed." 
"  Over-dressed  !  Goodness !  She  was  dressed 
to  death.  Every  body  remarked  it.  How  silly 
it  is  for  a  girl  like  her  to  render  herself  so  con- 
spicuous ! " 

"  You  noticed  Miss  L ,  did  you  not?  " 

"  O,  yes!  Wasn't  she  dressed  sweetly?  I 
think  I  never  saw  her  look  so  beautiful  in  my 
life." 

"  Miss  L is  a  girl  of  good  taste." 

"  And,  you  may  add,  good  temper  and  good 

sense.     Did  you  notice  how  Sarah  J flirted 

with  young  S ?     She  is  a  terrible  coquette. 

I  had  my  eye  on  her  all  the  evening.     Although 


l^\<^63 


82  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


she  doesn't  care  the  snap  of  a  finger  for  S , 

she  makes  him  believe  that  his  company  is  most 
agreeable  to  her." 

"  She  is  very  wrong  to  do  so.  Truth  and  hon- 
esty should  ever  distinguish  a  young  lady's  con- 
duct. Such  a  charge,  I  am  sure,  cannot  be  made 
against  Ellen  G ." 

**  No,  you  may  well  say  that.  She  is  the  very 
soul  of  truth  and  honor.  If  all  were  like  her, 
society  would  present  far  more  beautiful  and 
attractive  features  than  it  now  does.  There  was 
another  at  the  party  who  resembled  her  — 
Flora  F ." 

"Truly  said.  I  love  Flora  as  tenderly  as  I 
do  my  own  sister.  How  exquisitely  do  good 
taste,  good  feelings,  and  good  principles  blend 
in  her  character  !  You  never  hear  her  speak  of 
another  unless  in  praise,  or  palliation  of  faults 
magnified  by  the  less  charitable.  I  always  feel 
that  I  am  better  after  spending  an  hour  with 
Flora." 

"  And  so  do  I.  I  often  wish  that  I  was  like 
her." 

*'  All  of  us  may  become  like  her,  if  we  en- 
deavor to  act  from  the  same  good  principles  that 
govern  in  her  whole  life  and  conduct." 

"  I  don't  know.  Were  I  to  try  ever  so  hard, 
I  do  not  think  I  could  become  like  Flora  F . 


GOSSIPING    AND    EVIL    SPEAKING. 


83 


I  feel  that  there  is  as  much  difference  between 
her  character  and  mine,  as  between  mine  and 
Sarah  J 's." 

*'  Should  not  such  thoughts  and  such  a  con- 
sciousness make  us  very  careful  how  we  judge 
too  severely  the  defects  of  others  ?  Some  persons 
are  naturally  deficient  in  true  taste,  and  others 
have  had  their  taste  perverted  by  a  bad  educa- 
tion ;  some  are  naturally  of  an  amiable  temper, 
while  others  have  much  that  is  perverse  to  con- 
tend with.  In  all  there  is  some  good ;  let  us 
magnify  that  rather  than  the  evil  we  see." 

'*I  believe  you  are  right,"  was  the  reply  to 
this.  "  We  are  all  too  apt  to  see  that  in  our 
friends  which  calls  for  censure  rather  than 
praise." 

How  much  better  is  it  thus  to  lead  away  the 
thoughts  of  a  young  friend,  disposed  to  be  crit- 
ical and  fault-finding,  to  the  contemplation  of 
excellences  in  others  ! 

A  great  deal  of  unhappiness  is  created,  and  a 
great  deal  of  harm  done,  by  indulgence  in  the 
bad  habit  we  are  now  condemning.  Numerous 
instances  might  be  given  in  illustration  of  this. 
We  shall  introduce  but  one,  and  this  with  the 
hope  of  making  the  fault  appear  in  its  truly 
odious  light. 

Ellen   B was  much  given  to  the  use  of 


84         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

disparaging  remarks  in  reference  to  her  com- 
panions. Like  most  others  who  indulged  in 
this  reprehensible  practice,  she  did  not  always 
confine  herself  strictly  to  the  truth.  Not  that 
she  designedly,  and  with  evil  intent,  uttered 
falsehoods.  She  only  embellished  a  little  too 
highly,  without  seeing  that,  in  doing  this,  she 
was  magnifying  foibles  into  faults,  and  pervert- 
inor  lanoruage  from  the  true  meaninof  it  was  in- 
tended  to  convey. 

"  Your   friend,  Emily  R ,  seems  to  be  a 

very  fine  girl,"  said  a  lady  to  her  one  day,  after 
having  spent  her  first  half  hour  with  the  person 
referred  to. 

"Yes,"  replied  Ellen;  "she  is  certainly  a 
fine  girl,  but,  like  all  the  rest  of  us,  she  has  her 
faults." 

"  Not  very  serious  ones,  I  hope,"  said  the 
lady. 

"  Why,  that  will  depend  pretty  much  upon  how 
you  view  them.  She  has  one  fault  that  I  call  a 
pretty  serious  one." 

"What  is  that?" 

"  A  disposition  to  tattle." 

"  Indeed  !     That  is  bad." 

"Not  so  bad  as  some  other  faults,  but  still  bad 
enough.  Whenever  I  am  with  her,  I  consider 
it  necessary  to  be  guarded  in  what  I  say  ;  for,  in 


GOSSIPING    AND    EVIL    SPEAKING. 


85 


consequence  of  her  having  once  repeated  some 
remark  of  mine,  she  involved  me  in  a  very  un- 
pleasant difficulty  with  a  friend,  and  created  a 
difference  that  has  not  been  reconciled  to  this 
day/' 

"  With  such  a  person  I  am  sure  1  should  want 
as  little  to  do  as  possible,"  replied  the  lady.  "  I 
am  sorry  to  hear  what  you  say,  for  I  had  formed 
a  very  good  opinion  of  Emily,  and  felt  like  add- 
ing her  to  the  number  of  my  friends.  But  there 
is  no  telling  what  people  are.  As  for  her,  the 
last  fault  I  should  have  supposed  her  to  be  guilty 
of  is  the  one  you  mention." 

"  I  did  not  mean  to  convey  quite  so  strong  an 

impression   to  your    mind,"    said  Ellen    B , 

perceiving  that  she  had  really  injured  Emily. 
"  I  would  not  have  you  understand  that  Emily 
is  a  common  tattler  and  busybody  in  other 
people's  matters,  for  she  is  not.  I  only  meant 
to  put  you  on  your  guard,  in  case  you  became 
well  acquainted  with  her.  Myself  a  sufferer 
from  having  a  thoughtless  remark  repeated  by 
her,  it  seemed  to  me  only  right  that  I  should 
warn  a  friend  in  time." 

*'  Perfectly  right,  Ellen,  and  I  thank  you  for 

what  you   have    done.     As  to  Emily  R ,  I 

believe  I  shall  not  follow  up  the  acquaintance. 
I  have  a  large  circle  of  intimate  friends,  with 
8 


86 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


whom  I  can  be  unreserved,  without  fear  of  hav- 
ing my  confidence  betrayed,  or  my  unguarded 
words  repeated  to  my  own  and  the  injury  of 
others." 

In  this  decision  the  lady  was  firm.  When  she 
again  met  Emily,  she  was  coldly  polite  to  her, 
and  that  was  all.  The  young  girl,  who  had  been 
pleased  with  her  character,  and  strongly  drawn 
towards  her,  felt  this  change  severely.  It  was  an 
unexpected  repulse  from  one  whose  principles 
she  had  approved,  and  whose  character  had  been 
presented  to  her  as  one  of  no  common  loveliness. 
That  there  was  some  cause  for  this  chancre  she 

o 

knew ;  but  of  its  nature  she  had  not  even  a 
remote  idea. 

Months  passed,  during  which  period  Emily 
was  thrown  several  times  into  the  company  of 
this  lady,  who  always  maintained  towards  her  a 
coldness  and  reserve  entirely  at  variance  with 
the  cordiality  of  manner  exhibited  on  the  occa- 
sion of  their  introduction  to  each  other.  This 
unaccountable  difference  caused  Emily  much 
pain  of  mind. 

It  was,  perhaps,  a  year  subsequent  to  the  time 
this  lady  had  received  her  impression  of  Emily's 
character,  and  after  her  marked  coldness  towards 
the  latter  had  caused  her  to  omit  the  usual  word 


GOSSIPING    A^D    EVIL    SPEAKING.  87 

or  nod  of  recognition  on  meeting,  that  a  friend 
made  some  casual  remarks  about  Emily. 

"  I  know  very  little  about  her,"  the  lady  re- 
plied, indifferently,  "  and  that  little  has  not  pre- 
possessed me  much  in  her  favor." 

**  That's  strange,"  returned  the  friend ;  "  for  a 
person  with  fewer  faults,  and  more  sterling  qual- 
ities of  mind  and  heart,  than  Emily  R ,  is 

rarely  met." 

*'  She  has  one  fault  that  overshadows  many 
good  qualities,"  said  the  lady,  coldly. 

/'  What  is  that?  "  was  asked. 

"  The  fault  of  being  a  tattler." 

"  If  she  is  freer  from  any  one  fault  more  than 
from  another,  it  is  that  you  name." 

"  Perhaps  you  don't  know  her,"  said  the  lady. 

**  Don't  know  Emily  R !      If  that    was 

the  case,  I  should  almost  begin  to  think  I  didn't 
know  myself  We  have  been  like  sisters  for 
years." 

"  Then  you  ought  to  know  her." 

*'I  think  so;  and  I  know  that  she  is  not  a 
tattler;  and  I  must  again  express  my  wonder 
that  you  should  have  formed  such  an  erroneous 
opinion  in  regard  to  her.  From  whom  did  you 
obtain  it  1 " 

"  From  a  very  good  source,  I  believe.  Ellen 
B r-  warned  me  to  be  on  my  guard,  and  stated 


88  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

that  she  was  herself  a  sufferer  on  account  of 
Emily's  tattling  propensities." 

"She  did?" 

*'  Yes.  My  first  impression  of  Emily's  char- 
acter was  good ;  but  when  I  learned  this,  I 
thought  it  as  well  to  have  nothing  to  do  with  her, 
for  I  think  a  tattler  a  very  despicable  person." 

"  I  believe  I  understand  it  all,  now,"  said  the 
friend,  after  musing  a  while.  "  Ellen  is  herself 
a  little  given  to  the  very  thing  she  charges  upon 
an  innocent  person.  On  one  occasion,  she  re- 
peated something  she  had  heard  alleged  against 
a  young  girl,  and  considerably  embellished  her 
narrative.  Emily  was  present.  The  impression 
made  was  very  unfavorable  to  the  individual 
alluded  to.  Of  all  who  heard  these  unfavorable 
remarks,  made  to  the  great  disparagement  of  an 
absent  companion,  Emily  was  the  only  one  who 
was  honest  enough  to  go  to  her  and  apprize  her 
of  what  had  been  said  to  her  real  injury,  in  order 
that,  if  innocent,  she  might  vindicate  her  char- 
acter. The  allegations  were  at  once  pronounced 
false,  and  the  author  of  them  demanded.     Ellen 

B was  named  by  Emily,  who  volunteered  to 

go  to  her  in  company  with  the  aggrieved  person, 
in  order  to  ascertain  from  her  the  source  of  the 
injurious  charge.  Ellen  was  very  angry  with 
Emily  for  what  she  had  done,  and  refused  at  first 


GOSSIPING    AND    EVIL    SPEAKING. 


89 


to  give  any  authority  for  what  she  had  said.  But 
Emily  mildly  argued  with  her  on  the  folly  of 
this,  and,  in  extenuation  of  what  she  had  done, 
assured  her,  that,  if  she  herself  had  been  the  sub- 
ject of  the  remarks  in  question,  she  would  have 
felt  it  to  be  equally  her  duty  to  apprize  her  of 
the  injury  she  was  suffering.  But  Ellen  could 
not  see  the  matter  in  any  better  light  than  as  a 
betrayal  of  confidence  on  the  part  of  Emily. 
The  result  was,  that,  on  tracing  the  charge  made 
to  the  person  given  as  her  authority  by  Ellen, 
more  than  half  of  the  averments  of  Ellen  were 
denied,  and  a  very  different  version  of  the  whole 
story  given,  by  which  it  was  clear  that  she  had 
added  nearly  a;i  of  the  offensive  matter ;  not  as 
sheer  fabrications,  but  as  inferences  from  what 
had  been  said.  It  seems  she  has  not  forgiven 
Emily  for  honestly  putting  it  into  the  power  of 
an  innocent  person  to  vindicate  herself  from  in- 
jurious charges,  but  has  as  grossly  misrepre- 
sented and  injured  her,  as  she  did  the  person 
whom  Emily  warned  of  the  evil  things  said 
against  her.     You  can  now  judge  how  far  Emily 

R is  to  be  condemned  as  a  tattler  on  the 

testimony  of  Ellen  B ." 


"  Clearly  enough,"  replied  the  lady,  with  some 
warmth  of  manner.  "  I  must  at  once  renew  rny 
acquaintance  with  Emily.     As  for  the  other,  on 

8* 


90 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


some  suitable  occasion  I  shall  refer  to  the  sub- 
ject, and  endeavor  to  make  her  see  that  she  has 
been  guilty  of  a  very  serious  fault.  I  feel  strongly 
tempted  to  drop  her  altogether;  but  as  I  com- 
mitted an  error  in  doing  this  with  Emily  R , 

I  will  seek  rather  to  correct  her  faults  and 
strengthen  her  good  qualities  than  to  decline  all 
friendly  intercourse." 

This  is  the  way  in  which  false  impressions 
about  almost  every  one  are  propagated.  The 
slightest  fault,  or  peculiarity,  is  magnified  into 
something  serious,  and  the  censorious  whisper 
goes  round,  while  the  subject  of  it  remains  in 
entire  ignorance  of  the  detriment  she  suffers. 
Let  every  young  lady  set  her  face  against  this  as 
a  serious  evil.  Let  her  place  a  bridle  upon  her 
tongue,  and  upon  her  thoughts,  lest  she  be  be- 
trayed, in  an  unguarded  moment,  into  saying 
something  against  her  young  friend  that  may 
injure  her  in  the  estimation  of  others.  The 
surest  way  to  avoid  this  fault  is  to  look  more 
at  the  good  in  our  friends  than  the  evil.  We 
are  all  perverse  enough,  all  have  evil  tenden- 
cies enough,  and  are  all  frequently  enough  be- 
trayed into  acts  and  words  that  are  wrong,  to 
prompt  us  to  be  charitable  towards  others ;  and 
such  reflections,  if  no  others,  should  make  us 
thoughtful  and  prudent  in  this  matter. 


DRESS. 


91 


CHAPTER   IX. 

DRESS. 

On  this  subject  we  do  not  feel  competent  to 
give  any  particular  directions.  In  matters  of 
female  attire,  a  woman's  taste  is,  as  a  general 
thing,  always  superior  to  a  man's.  Still,  we  see 
a  great  many  badly-dressed  women,  where  the 
defect  does  not  arise  from  any  want  of  the  means 
to  dress,  but  from  bad  taste.  The  fault  of  over- 
dressing is  the  most  common,  and  this  is  almost 
always  attended  with  an  unharmonious  arrange- 
ment of  colors. 

All  that  pertains  to  the  particular  modes  of 
dress,  and  to  the  harmony  of  colors,  has  been  so 
fully  set  forth  in  the  various  books  prepared  for 
and  accessible  to  young  ladies,  that  for  us  to 
attempt  any  thing  of  the  kind  here  would  be 
entirely  useless,  even  if  we  had  given  sufficient 
attention  to  the  subject  to  be  able  clearly  to  set 
the  matter  forth,  which  we  confess  that  we  have 
not.  We  can  tell  when  we  see  a  lady  dressed  in 
good  taste,  but  we  cannot  tell  a  lady  exactly  how 
she  should  dress  to  be  in  good  taste.  It  is  much 
easier  to  detect  a  fault  than  to  produce  a  har- 


92  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

monious  arrangement.  And  it  is  much  easier 
for  a  man  to  see  faults  in  a  lady's  dress  than  to 
give  directions  for  dressing  faultlessly. 

As  we  have  just  said,  we  do  not  feel  compe- 
tent to  give  particular  directions  here,  and  there- 
fore shall  not  attempt  to  do  so.  We  refer  to 
dress,  in  this  place,  merely  for  the  purpose  of 
making  one  or  two  rather  general  remarks  on  the 
subject. 

x\s  in  almost  every  thing  else  in  this  world, 
people  are  very  apt  to  run  into  opposite  extremes 
in  the  matter  of  dress.  While  we  have  one  class 
of  persons  who  seem  to  think  of  nothing  else  but 
dress,  and  who  load  themselves  with  gay  clothing 
and  ornaments  until  they  appear  ridiculous  in 
the  eyes  of  sensible  people,  there  is  another  class 
that  as  unwisely  reject  all  ornaments,  and  array 
themselves  in  garments  of  the  dullest  hue.  In 
this,  as  in  all  other  things,  the  happy  medium  is 
the  true  one.  In  order  to  attain  this  happy 
medium,  some  attention  must  be  paid  to  the  end 
for  which  dress  is  regarded.     If  a  love  of  admi-  j  | 

ration,  and  a  mere  fondness  for  appearing  in  gay  i  j 

attire,  alone  prompt  a  woman  to  give  attention  \  \ 

to  dress,  she  will  be  almost  sure  to  overstep  the  i  j 

bounds  of  good  sense  and  good  taste.     The  hand  i  j 

of  either  pride  or  vanity  always  shows  itself  in  a  j ! 

woman's  dress,  in  spite  of  every  effort  to  hide  it  ■'■ 


DRESS. 


93 


To  dress  with  neatness,  taste,  and  propriety, 
is  the  duty  of  every  young  lady  ;  and  she  should 
give  just  as  much  thought  and  attention  to  the 
subject  as  will  enable  her  to  do  it,  and  no  more. 
Unless  she  do  give  to  it  both  thought  and  atten- 
tion, however,  she  will  not  be  able  to  dress  with 
taste  and  propriety.  Occasionally  we  meet  with 
instances  where  young  ladies  affect,  or  really 
feel,  indifference  in  regard  to  dress.  Every 
thing  like  ornament  is  eschewed  as  beneath  the 
dignity  of  an  intelligent  being.  The  higher 
colors  never  appear  in  any  of  their  garments, 
and  ribbons  are  used  with  a  degree  of  caution 
that  is  quite  amusing.  All  this  might  be  tol- 
erated if  good  taste  accompanied  their  simplicity 
of  attire ;  but,  unfortunately,  a  want  of  good 
taste  is,  in  most  cases,  the  primary  cause  of  the 
indifference  they  manifest.  But,  as  there  exists 
in  woman  a  natural  fondness  for  dress,  the  oppo- 
site extreme  to  this  is  the  one  into  which  young 
girls  most  frequently  run,  unless  they  are 
guided  and  controlled,  as  is  usually  the  case,  by 
the  sounder  and  purer  taste  of  a  mother,  an  elder 
sister,  or  some  judicious  friend.  In  order  to 
keep  herself  from  running  into  this  extreme,  a 
young  lady  should  guard  against  the  common 
fault  of  dressing  for  the  purpose  of  attracting 
attention.     If  she  have  a  fondness  for  gay  colors, 


94 


ADVICE    TO    Y0UNG    LADIES. 


let  her  use  them,  but  not  to  excess ;  on  the  con- 
trary, if  her  taste  lead  her  to  select  those  more 
subdued  and  less  attractive,  let  her  taste  be  her 
guide.  In  regard  to  ornaments,  they  are  proper 
to  be  used,  and,  when  worn  by  a  person  of  good 
taste  in  their  selection  and  arrangement,  add 
very  much  to  a  woman's  appearance. 

An  idea  prevails  very  generally,  among  some 
persons,  that  all  attention  to  dress,  or  the  follow- 
ing of  the  fashions,  as  they  usually  term  it,  is  a 
useless  waste  of  money  and  time,  and  an  actual 
injury  to  the  moral  state  of  the  person  who  thus 
pays  a  regard  to  dress.  There  is  no  doubt  thai 
following  the  fashions  to  an  excess,  and  thinking 
about  little  else  than  dress,  is  just  as  great  an 
evil  as  it  is  here  alleged  to  be.  But  it  is  one 
thing  to  do  this,  and  another  thing  to  have  such 
a  regard  for  external  order,  beauty,  and  pro- 
priety, as  shall  make  our  appearance  pleasing  to 
our  friends,  and  our  presence  welcome  in  circles 
of  taste  and  refinement.  If  we  dress  with  a  sin- 
gularity because  of  a  weak  prejudice  against  the 
prevailing  fashions,  or  outrage  all  true  taste  by 
incongruities  of  attire,  our  presence  cannot  be 
pleasing  to  our  friends,  nor  welcome  in  refined 
and  intelligent  circles. 

The  true  standard  of  dress  for  a  young  lady 
is  that  which  happens  to  prevail  in  the  present ; 


95 


but,  in  adopting  it,  she  should  carefully  avoid  its 
extremes.  If  it  trenches  upon  modesty,  or  en- 
dangers her  health,  let  her  so  far  not  follow  it. 
These  extremes  she  can  easily  avoid,  and  yet  not 
appear  singular. 


CHAPTER   X. 


HEALTH. 


The  highest  degree  of  happiness  and  useful- 
ness attainable  in  this  world  is  not  to  be  had  by 
any  one  who  does  not  possess  a  sound  mind  in  a 
sound  body.     Attention  to  health,  therefore,  is^ 
one  of  the  firstjdutTes^  we  owe  to  ourselves  and., 
society,  because  without  a  heg^^^ 
not  have  a  sound  mind,  nor  efficiently  perform 
our  duties  in  life.  ^  This  is  so  plain  a  proposition 
that  all  can  at  once  comprehend  it. 

Young  ladies  are  proverbial  for  being  careless 
in  regard  to  health ;  and  this,  strangely  enough, 
is  particularly  the  case  with  those  who  have  the 
most  delicate  constitutions.  The  hundreds  who 
die  annually  of  pulmonary  aifections,  owe,  in 
two  cases  out  of  every  three,  their  early  death  to 


96         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

unwise  and  unnecessary  exposure  of  themselves, 
thinly  clad,  in  cold  and  damp  weather.  The 
warnings  of  physicians  and  friends  seem  alike 
unavailing  ;  and  their  earnest  representation  of 
the  real  danger  that  threatens  them  is  treated  as 
a  chimera,  conjured  up  by  over-anxiety,  to  frighten 
them.  Even  the  fearfully  rapid  encroachments 
of  a  deadly  disease  do  not,  in  too  many  instances, 
give  the  requisite  prudence ;  and  the  unhappy 
victim  sinks  speedily  into  the  grave,  with  little 
less  than  the  crim.e  of  self-murder  upon  her 
head.  These  things  are  sad  to  think  about ; 
and  their  frequency  and  familiarity  make  them 
none  the  less  painful  subjects  of  reflection.  But, 
as  the  only  hope  of  reformation  here  lies  in  con- 
tinued precept,  we  deem  it  a  solemn  duty,  when- 
ever an  opportunity  offers,  to  add  our  voice  to 
the  general  voice  of  warning  heard  every  where 
on  this  subject. 

The  doing  of  any  thing  that  requires  self- 
denial,  or  more  than  ordinary  care,  is  dependent 
upon  an  adequate  motive.  One  would  think  that 
there  were  motives  strong  enough  to  prompt  every 
young  lady  to  be  careful  of  her  health  ;  and  so 
there  are ;  the  difficulty  is,  that  she  cannot  be 
I  made  to  feel  that  what  she  does,  or  omits  to  do, 
j  really  injures  her,  because  the  ill  effects  do  not 
become  immediately  apparent.     She  is  told  that 


HEALTH. 


97 


irregularity  in  eating,  late  hours,  exposure  to 
draughts  of  air,  the  atmosphere  of  crowded 
rooms,  thin  dressing,  tight  lacing,  and  various 
other  things,  injure  her  health.  But  she  eats 
four  meals  to-day,  and  two  to-morrow;  she 
stands  at  the  front  door  without  additional  cov- 
ering to  her  neck,  or  any  thing  on  her  head,  to 
talk  with  a  departing  friend;  and  she  attends 
balls,  the  theatre,  and  concerts,  two  or  three 
times  a  week,  wearing  thin  dresses  and  thin 
shoes  :  all  this  she  does  for  a  time,  without  feel- 
ing in  herself  any  ill  effects ;  or,  if  she  feels  them, 
she  will  not  believe  in  the  true  cause.  Such 
being  the  case,  it  is  almost  impossible  to  make 
her  sensible  that  she  is  sowing  in  her  system  the 
seeds  of  incurable  diseases,  the  germination  and 
growth  of  which  no  after  care  will  prevent,  and 
which  will  either  bring  her  early  to  the  grave,  or 
entail  upon  her  a  life  of  suffering,  attended  with 
inability  to  discharge  her  duty  to  those  most 
dearly  loved,  and  for  whose  happiness  and  wel- 
fare she  would  be  willing  to  make  almost  any 
sacrifice.  That  such  is  really  the  fact,  the  sad 
results  of  just  such  an  abuse  of  health  are  to  be 
seen  all  around  us  —  results  that  all  intelligent 
physicians,  and  all  persons  of  observation  and 
common  sense,  know  must  flow  from  the  causes 
just  set  forth.  Surely,  then,  an  adequate  motive 
9 


98         ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

for  prudence  and  care  in  these  things  is  to  be 
found  in  the  fact,  that,  if  no  regard  be  paid  to 
them,  the  health  will  be  undermined^  or  de- 
stroyed altogether. 

In  "  The  Young  Lady's  Friend,"  a  most  ex- 
cellent book,  written  by  Mrs.  Farrar,  there  is  a 
chapter  on  tlie  "  Means  of  Preserving  Health," 
which  we  would  particularly  recommend  to  the 
attention  of  every  young  girl.  By  a  careful 
perusal  of  that  chapter,  she  will  be  able  so  fully 
to  comprehend  the  laws  of  health,  and  to  see  the 
reason  why  an  abuse  of  those  laws  necessarily 
brings  disease,  as  to  require  no  further  argument 
from  relatives  and  friends,  to  induce  prudence 
and  carefulness  on  her  part. 

Where  a  hereditary  predisposition  to  con- 
sumption exists,  as  it  always  does,  if  that 
disease  have  manifested  itself  in  either  parent, 
the  necessity  for  carefulness  in  regard  to  health 
is  of  more  vital  importance  than  if  such  predis- 
position did  not  exist.  Abuse  of  health  in  others 
may  lay  the  foundation  for  diseases  that  only 
entail  suffering  in  after  life ;  but  abuse  of  health 
in  these  is  almost  sure  to  lead  to  premature 
death. 

By  some  it  is  supposed  and  asserted,  that  who- 
ever is  born  of  consumptive  parents  will  be  sure 
to  die  of  consumption ;  and  that  a  large  propor- 


HEALTH. 


99 


tion  are  destined  to  die  before  the  prime  of  life 
is  reached.  That  this  is  most  generally  the  case 
is  certainly  true ;  but  we  do  not  believe  that  the 
result  follows  as  an  absolute  consequence  of  the 
hereditary  predisposition,  but  from  an  abuse  of 
health,  by  which  latent  causes  are  excited  into 
active  causes.  On  this  subject,  it  may  be  useful 
to  quote  the  remarks  of  a  French  medical  writer 
by  way  of  authority.  He  says,  "  Besides  the 
occasional  causes  of  chronic  pneumonia,  (con- 
sumption,) which  are  all  the  agents  that  excite, 
stimulate,  or  irritate  the  organs  of  respiration, 
and  consequently  the  same  as  those  of  acute 
pneumonia,  there  are  predisposing  causes.  Pre- 
disposition consists  in  a  peculiar  irritability  of 
the  lung,  which  renders  it  more  sensible  to  the 
impression  of  irritating  agents,  and,  conse- 
quently, more  apt  to  contract  irritation.  There 
is  no  age,  no  sex,  no  temperament,  which  may 
not  be  aifected  with  pneumonia ;  but  experience 
has  demonstrated  that  the  predisposition,  the 
peculiar  irritability  of  which  we  speak,  is  most 
frequently  found  among  individuals  who  have 
the  constitution  which  has  been  named  phthis- 
ical, the  characters  of  which  are  the  following  : 
narrow  chesty  long  and  small  ncclc^  slender  limbs, 
a  tall,  thin  stature,  delicate  skin,  circumscribed 
redness   of  the   cheek,    the   lymphatico-sanguine 


100 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


temperament.  The  scrofulous  constitution  like- 
wise gives  a  predisposition  to  tubercles,  and  con- 
sequently to  chronic  pneumonia.  As  the  organic 
structure  transmits  an  hereditary  character,  it 
results  that  in  the  same  family  we  may  often 
encounter  the  same  irritation,  derived  from  this 
cause;  or,  what  is  the  same  thing,  we  meet  with 
a  predisposition  to  the  same  maladies.  It  does 
not,  however,  follow  that  these  individuals  are 
irrevocably  condemned  to  contract  the  diseases  of 
their  parents ;  hut,  to  secure  an  exemption  from 
them,  they  must  avoid  the  influence  of  the  occa- 
sional causes  more  carefully  than  individuals 
not  predisposed."  *  *  *  <<  Those  who  have 
great  pulmonary  irritability  should  make  up 
their  minds  to  practise  self-denial  in  a  great 
many  things.  They  should  avoid  the  vicissi- 
tudes of  heat  and  cold,  singing,  hallooing,  dec- 
lamation, stimulating  food  and  drink,  &c." 

From  this  it  is  seen,  that  while  a  person  who 
inherits  a  predisposition  to  lung  diseases  is  in 
great  danger,  yet  exemption  from  their  effects 
may  be  secured ;  but  only  by  great  prudence, 
and  a  cautious  regard  to  health.  In  some  con- 
stitutions, where  there  exists  a  great  suscepti- 
bility to  inflammation  of  the  throat  and  lungs, 
exists  also  a  predisposition  to  the  formation  in 
the  lungs  of  what  are  called  tubercles,  or  little 


101 


foreign  bodies  that  irritate  the  surrounding  parts, 
and  produce  ulcerations.  When  these  tubercles 
are  once  formed,  the  disease  assumes,  in  most 
cases,  an  incurable  type.  The  necessity  to  life 
of  the  unceasing  activity  of  the  lungs,  every  por- 
tion of  which  is  made  up  of  little  vessels  for  the 
reception  and  purification  of  the  blood,  makes  it 
almost  impossible  for  any  healing  process  to  go 
on  after  ulceration  has  once  commenced.  We 
mention  this  form  of  the  disease  here,  in  order 
that  the  necessity  for  avoiding  all  the  exciting 
causes  may  be  fully  seen.  The  formation  of 
these  tubercles,  and  the  production  of  other  in- 
curable changes  in  the  lungs,  may  be  prevented 
by  wisely  abstaining  from  every  thing  that  would 
in  any  way  interfere  with  the  healthy  functions 
of  the  body  ;  or,  rather,  by  giving  to  the  subject 
of  health  the  most  careful  attention,  and  by 
wisely  following  the  advice  of  those  whose  age, 
experience,  and  position,  entitle  their  opimons 
to  respect  and  consideration.  The  mere  avoid- 
ance of  draughts  of  air  and  crowded  rooms,  thin 
dressing  and  damp  feet,  are  not  all  that  is  ne- 
cessary to  guard  the  individual,  who  has  a  predis- 
position to  consumption,  against  its  fearful  at- 
tacks. The  health  of  each  part  of  the  body  is 
dependent  upon  the  health  of  the  whole  body,  as 
much  as  the  health  of  the  whole  is  dependent 
9  * 


102        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

upon  the  health  of  each  part.  Any  thing  that 
deranges  the  general  health  will  be  felt  most 
quickly  in  the  part  that  is  weakest;  and  therefore 
any  thing  that  deranges  the  general  health  of  a 
person  who  has  a  predisposition  to  consumption, 
will  affect  the  lungs.  The  strictest  regard  to 
health  should  therefore  be  paid,  in  every  par- 
ticular, by  those  who  are  at  all  liable  to  pul- 
monary affections,  if  they  would  escape  the 
danger  that  threatens  them.  They  should  take 
plenty  of  exercise,  and  use  daily  cold  ablutions 
of  the  whole  body,  followed  by  active  friction,  to 
restore  fully  the  circulation  to  the  skin.  By 
exercise  they  will  invigorate  the  whole  system, 
and  by  the  free  use  of  water  they  will  keep  the 
skin  healthy,  and  take  away  the  liability  to  cold, 
on  any  sudden  exposure.  Strict  regard  should 
also  be  had  to  the  food  that  is  eaten,  and  to  the 
manner  of  eating  it.  The  diet  should  be  nutri- 
tious, but  not  stimulating,  and  the  quantity  of 
food  taken  ought  never  to  be  so  great  as  to 
oppress  the  system.  Such  articles  of  food  as 
do  not  digest  well  —  and  what  they  are  every  one 
can  easily  decide  from  experience  —  should  be 
avoided,  because  indigestion  weakens  the  powers 
of  the  stomach,  and  by  sympathy  those  of  the 
whole  body  ;  and  worse,  as  it  is  the  business  of  the 
stomach  to  prepare  the  food  for  use  in  the  body, 


HEALTH. 


103 


in  supplying  the  waste  that  is  always  going  on, 
if  it  be  in  an  unhealthy  state  from  any  cause,  its 
work  cannot  be  properly  done,  and  the  conse- 
quence must  be,  that  every  part  of  the  body  will 
suffer.  A  good  digestion,  however,  does  not 
always  depend  upon  the  quality  of  the  food 
taken;  the  best  food  in  the  world  will  be  ren- 
dered indigestible  if  it  be  not  sufficiently  masti- 
cated, or  is  eaten  too  fast.  Great  care  should 
also  be  taken  to  keep  the  chest  well  protected, 
and  on  no  account  to  sit  in  draughts  of  air,  nor  to 
venture  out  of  doors  in  cold  weather  without  put- 
ting on  additional  clothing,  and  covering  the 
head.  Often  we  see  young  ladies  running  in  to 
a  neighbor's  three  or  four  doors  off,  in  midwin- 
ter, without  even  the  addition  of  a  light  shawl 
over  the  head  or  shoulders.  It  is  no  wonder 
that  colds  are  the  result  of  such  indiscretion, 
often  leading  to  serious  inflammation  of  the  air- 
tubes,  or  lungs. 

If,  in  spite  of  all  her  best  precautions,  a  young 
lady,  who  has  every  reason  to  believe  that  she 
inherits  a  tendency  to  disease  of  the  lungs,  takes 
cold,  and  is  attacked  with  hoarseness  and  a 
slight  cough,  she  should  feel  sufficient  concern 
to  prompt  her  to  take  the  greatest  possible  care 
of  herself  The  advice  of  the  family  physician 
ought    immediately   to    be    obtained,    and    she 


104 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES, 


should,  in  the  strictest  manner,  abide  by  his 
directions.  While  the  cold  remains,  she  should, 
on  no  account,  go  out  in  damp,  chilly  weather, 
nor  attend  any  ball,  concert,  or  public  assembly, 
where  the  air,  necessarily  impure  from  being 
breathed  by  so  many,  must  increase,  instead  of 
allaying,  the  irritation  of  her  lungs.  Our  best 
advice  here,  however,  is  to  enjoin  a  strict  ad- 
herence to  the  directions  of  the  family  physicians. 

Slight  colds,  in  some  constitutions,  are  matters 
of  little  moment;  but  in  others  they  are  frequently 
attended  by  the  most  serious  consequences,  and 
always  increase  a  natural  predisposition  to  dis- 
eases of  the  throat  and  chest.  The  habit  of 
thinking  and  speaking  lightly  of  colds,  among 
the  former,  causes  the  latter  too  often  to  regard 
them  as  of  little  account ;  but  in  this  they  com- 
mit a  dangerous  and  too  often  fatal  error.  Al- 
most every  case  of  confirmed  and  hopeless 
disease  of  the  lungs  may  be  traced  back  to  a 
slight  cold. 

We  dwell  upon  this  subject  because  of  its 
great  importance,  beyond  the  mere  fact  of  the 
retention  of  health  and  preservation  of  life  by  the 
individual.  The  fearful  encroachments  of  the 
disease  now  under  consideration  is  one  that  is 
lamented  by  all.  So  certainly  does  it,  in  most 
cases,  early  find  its  victims,  especially  among  the 


105 


female  sex,  that  the  instances  are  becoming  rare, 
that  the  daughter  of  a  mother  who  has  died  of 
consumption  attains  her  thirtieth  year.  Too 
frequently  she  sinks  into  the  grave  ere  she  has 
passed  more  than  a  few  summers  beyond  the 
bright  period  of  womanhood.  But  this  is  by  no 
means  a  necessary  consequence.  If  the  present 
generation  of  young  persons,  constitutionally 
liable  to  the  disease  in  question,  would  success- 
fully strive  to  keep  it  from  developing  itself  in 
them,  they  would  transmit  to  their  offspring  a 
predisposition  to  the  disease  in  a  less  active 
form;  and  if  they  would,  in  turn,  be  equally  as 
prudent  as  their  parents,  they  might  transmit  the 
tendency  in  a  still  less  active  form  to  their  off- 
spring, so  that,  in  a  few  generations,  this  destruc- 
tive foe  of  the  young,  the  pure,  and  the  beautiful, 
would  no  longer  occupy  its  present  prominent 
place  in  our  catalogue  of  diseases. 

If  any  of  our  young  readers  can  see  the  im- 
portance of  the  subject,  viewed  in  this  light,  they 
cannot  but  feel  more  deeply  than  ever  the  duty 
that  rests  upon  them  to  preserve  their  health  for 
the  sake  of  the  happiness  of  others,  and  the  gen- 
eral well-being  of  society.  The  consequences 
arising  from  abuse  of  health  does  not  always  rest 
with  an  individual ;  and  a  knowledge  of  this,  if 


106       ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

no  Other  motive  be  strong  enough,  should  prompt 
every  one  to  seek  its  preservation. 

Every  young  girl  knows  that  she  will,  in  a 
few  years,  have  to  take  her  place  in  society  as  a 
woman.  Let  her  look  at  her  mother  and  her 
mother's  friends,  and  see  how  much  the  well- 
being  and  happiness  of  others  are  dependent 
upon  the  retention  of  their  lives  and  the  preser- 
vation of  their  health.  In  a  few  years,  she  will, 
in  all  probability,  stand  in  the  same  relation  to 
society  as  her  mother  now  does,  and  have  as 
many  duties  to  perform,  involving  the  comfort 
and  happiness  of  others.  If,  when  this  time 
come,  through  her  youthful  folly  and  indiscre- 
tion, her  health  be  gone,  her  lot  will  be  a  sad 
one  indeed.  Pain  and  disability  will  attend  the 
performance  of  even  the  most  trifling  duty,  and 
she  will  be  a  burden  to  herself,  and  the  source 
of  anxiety  and  grief  to  her  nearest  and  best 
friends  ;  and,  it  may  be,  just  as  the  tenderest  ties 
that  can  bind  a  woman  to  earth  are  formed,  death 
will  rudely  break  them  asunder. 

What  other  considerations  can  we  urge  upon 
our  fair  young  friends  to  induce  them  to  regard 
the  admonitions  of  those  who  love  them,  and  are 
wiser  than  they  are  ?  The  means  of  preserving 
health  are    accessible   to  all.     There  is  not  so 


BROTHERS. 


107 


much  ignorance  on  this  subject  as  disinclination 
to  make  a  temporary  sacrifice  of  present  desires, 
in  order  to  secure  a  great  and  lasting  good. 
Such  being  the  case,  we  have  sought  rather  to 
present  motives  for  the  preservation  of  health, 
than  rules  for  attaining  the  so  much  desired 
object.  Where  a  disposition  to  take  proper  care 
of  the  health  exists,  a  knowledge  of  the  means 
necessary  to  be  used  are  easily  attained. 


CHAPTER   XI. 


BROTHERS. 


Older  brothers  are  not  usually  as  attentive,  tfi... 
their  younger  sisters  as  the  latter  would  feel  to 
be  agreeable.  The  little  girls  that  were  so  long 
known  as  children,  with  the  foibles,  faults,  and 
caprices  of  children,  although  now  grown  up 
into  tall  young  ladies,  who  have  left  or  are  about 
leaving  school,  are  still  felt  to  be  children,  or 
but  a  little  advanced  beyond  childhood,  by  the 
young  men  who.  have  had  some  three  or  four 
years'  experience  in  the  world.  With  these 
older  brothers,  there  will  not  usually  be,  arising 


108  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

from  this  cause,  much  confidential  and  unre- 
served intercourse ;  at  least,  not  until  the  sisters 
have  added  two  or  three  years  more  to  their 
ages,  and  assumed  more  of  the  quiet  dignity  of 
womanhood. 

Upon  these  older  brothers,  therefore,  the  con- 
duct of  sisters  cannot,  usually,  have  much  effect. 
They  are  removed  to  a  point  chiefly  beyond  the 
circle  of  their  influence.  But  upon  brothers 
near  about  their  own  age,  and  younger  than 
themselves,  the  influence  of  sisters  may  be 
brought  to  bear  with  the  most  salutary  results. 
The  temptations  to  which  young  men  are  ex- 
posed, when  first  they  come  in  contact  with  the 
world,  are  many,  and  full  of  the  strongest  allure-  j 

I  ments.     Their  virtuous  principles  are  assailed  in  | 

j  a  thousand  ways  ;  sometimes  boldly,  and  some-  I 

times  by  the  most  insidious  arts  of  the  vicious  j 

and  evil-minded.     All,  therefore,  that  can  make  | 

virtue  lovely  in  their  eyes,  and  vice  hideous, 
they    need   to    strengthen    the    good    principles  ! 

stored  up,  from  childhood,  in  their  minds.     For  j 

their  sakes,  home  should  be  made  as  attractive  | 

as  possible,  in  order  to  induce  them  frequently  j 

to  spend  their  evenings  in  the  place  where,  of  all  j 

others,  they  will  be  safest.     To  do  this,  a  young  ; 

i  lady  must  consult  the  tastes  of  her  brothers,  and  | 

endeavor  to  take  sufficient  interest  in  the  pur-  i 


BROTHERS. 


109 


suits  that  interest  them,  as  to  make  herself  com- 
panionable. If  they  are  fond  of  music,  one  of 
the  strongest  incentives  she  can  have  for  attain- 
ing the  highest  possible  skill  in  performing  upon 
the  piano,  will  be  the  hope  of  making  home, 
thereby,  the  most  attractive  place  vi'here  they  can 
spend  their  evenings.  If  they  are  fond  of  read- 
ing, let  her  read,  as  far  as  she  can,  the  books 
that  interest  them,  in  order  that  she  may  take 
part  in  their  conversations;  and  let  her,  in 
every  other  possible  way,  furnish  herself  with  the 
means  of  making  home  agreeable. 

There  is  no  surer' way  for  a  sister  to  gain  an 
influence  with  her  brother,  than  to  cultivate  all 
exterior  graces  and  accomplishments,  and  im- 
prove her  mind  by  reading,  thinking,  and  obser- 
vation. By  these  means  she  not  only  becomes 
his  intelligent  companion,  but  inspires  him  with 
a  feeling  of  generous  pride  towards  her,  that,  more 
than  any  thing  else,  impresses  her  image  upon 
his  mind,  brings  her  at  all  times  nearer  to  him, 
and  gives  her  a  double  power  over  him  for  good. 

The  indifference  felt  by  brothers  towards  their 
sisters,  when  it  does  exist,  often  arises  from  the 
fact  that  their  sisters  are  inferior,  in  almost  every 
thing,  to  the  women  they  are  in  the  habit  of 
meeting  abroad.  Where  this  is  the  case,  such 
indifference  is  not  so  much  to  be  wondered  at. 
10 


110        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

Sisters  should  always  endeavor  to  gain,  as 
much  as  possible,  the  confidence  of  their  broth- 
ers, and  to  give  them  their  confidence  in  return. 
Mutual  good  offices  will  result  from  this,  and 
attachments  that  could  only  produce  unhappi- 
ness  may  be  prevented.  A  man  sees  more  of 
men  than  a  woman  does,  and  the  same  is  true 
in  regard  to  the  other  sex.  This  being  so, 
a  brother  has  it  in  his  power  at  once  to  guard  \  \ 

his  sister  against  the  advances  of  an  unprincipled  i  j 

man,  or  a  man  whose  habits  he  knows  to  be  bad ; 
and  a  sister  has  it  in  her  power  to  reveal  to  her 
brother  traits  of  character  in  a  woman,  for  whom 
he  is  about  forming  an  attachment,  that  would 
repel  rather  than  attract  him. 

Towards  her  younger  brother  a  sister  should 
be  particularly  considerate.  In  allusion  to  this 
subject,  Mrs.  Farrar  has  written  so  well  that 
we  cannot  repress  our  wish  to  quote  her.  "  If 
your  brothers  are  younger  than  you,  encourage 
them  to  be  perfectly  confidential  with  you ;  win 
their  friendship  by  your  sympathy  in  all  their 
concerns,  and  let  them  see  that  their  interests 
and  their  pleasures  are  liberally  provided  for  in 
the  family  arrangements.  Never  disclose  their 
little  secrets,  however  unimportant  they  may 
seem  to  you ;  never  pain  them  by  an  ill-timed 
joke ;  never  repress  their   feelings  by  ridicule ; 


BROTH  KRS. 


Ill 


but  be  their  tenderest  friend,  and  then  you  may 
become  their  ablest  adviser.  If  separated  from 
them  by  the  course  of  school  and  college  educa- 
tion, make  a  point  of  keeping  up  your  intimacy 
by  full,  free,  and  affectionate  correspondence ; 
and  when  they  return  to  the  paternal  roof,  at 
that  awkward  age  between  youth  and  manhood, 
when  reserve  creeps  over  the  mind  like  an  im- 
penetrable veil,  suffer  it  not  to  interpose  between 
you  and  your  brothers.  Cultivate  their  friend- 
ship and  intimacy  with  all  the  address  and  ten- 
derness you  possess  ;  for  it  is  of  unspeakable 
importance  to  them  that  their  sisters  should  be 
their  confidential  friends.  Consider  the  loss  of 
a  ball  or  party,  for  the  sake  of  making  the  even- 
ing pass  pleasantly  to  your  brothers  at  home,  as 
a  small  sacrifice  —  one  you  should  unhesitatingly 
make.  If  they  go  into  company  with  you,  see 
that  they  are  introduced  to  the  most  desirable 
acquaintances,  and  show  them  that  you  are  in- 
terested in  their  acquitting  themselves  well." 

Having  quoted  so  much  from  the  "  Young 
Lady's  Friend,"  we  feel  inclined  to  give  a  few 
passages  more  from  the  author's  admirable  re- 
marks on  the  relation  of  brother  and  sister. 

"  So  many  temptations  beset  young  men,  of 
which  young  women  know  nothing,  that  it  is  of 
the  utmost  importance  that  your  brothers'  even- 


112        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

ings  should  be  happily  passed  at  home;  that  their 
friends  should  be  your  friends ;  that  their  engage- 
ments should  be  the  same  as  yours ;  and  that 
various  innocent  amusements  should  be  pro- 
vided for  them  in  the  family  circle.  Music  is 
an  accomplishment  usually  valuable  as  a  home 
enjoyment,  as  rallying  round  the  piano  the 
various  members  of  a  family,  and  harmonizing 
their  hearts,  as  well  as  their  voices,  particularly 
in  devotional  strains.  I  know  no  more  agree- 
able and  interesting  spectacle  than  that  of 
brothers  and  sisters  playing  and  singing  together 
those  elevated  compositions  in  music  and  poetry 
which  gratify  the  taste  and  purify  the  heart, 
while  their  parents  sit  delighted  by.  I  have 
seen  and  heard  an  elder  sister  thus  leading  the 
family  choir,  who  was  the  soul  of  harmony  to 
the  whole  household,  and  whose  life  was  a  per- 
fect example  of  those  virtues  which  I  am  hers 
endeavoring  to  inculcate.  Let  no  one  say,  in 
reading  this  chapter,  that  too  much  is  here  re- 
quired of  sisters ;  that  no  one  can  be  expected  to 
lead  such  a  self-sacrificing  life ;  for  the  sainted 
one  to  whom  I  refer  was  all  that  I  would  ask 
my  sister  to  be;  and  a  happier  person  never 
lived.  '  To  do  good  and  make  others  happy,' 
was  the  rule  of  her  life ;  and  in  this  she  found 
the  art  of  making  herself  so." 


ri 


BROTHERS. 


113 


"  Brothers  will  generally  be  found  strongly 
opposed  to  the  slightest  indecorum  in  sisters. 
....  Their  intercourse  with  all  sorts  of  men 
enables  them  to  judge  of  the  construction  put 
upon  certain  actions,  and  modes  of  dress  and 
speech,  much  better  than  women  can ;  and  you 
will  do  well  to  take  their  advice  on  all  such 
points." 

*'I  have  been  told  by  men,  who  had  passed 
unharmed  through  the  temptations  of  youth,  that 
they  owed  their  escape  from  many  dangers  to 
the  intimate  companionship  of  affectionate  and 
pure-minded  sisters.  They  have  been  saved 
from  a  hazardous  meeting  with  idle  company  by 
some  home  engagement,  of  which  their  sisters 
were  the  charm  ;  they  have  refrained  from  mix- 
ing with  the  impure,  because  they  would  not 
bring  home  thoughts  and  feelings  which  they 
could  not  share  with  those  trusting  and  loving 
friends;  they  have  put  aside  the  wine-cup,  and 
abstained  from  stronger  potations,  because  they 
would  not  profane  with  their  fumes  the  holy  kiss, 
with  which  they  were  accustomed  to  bid  their 
sisters  good-night." 
10* 


114 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


CHAPTER   XII. 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    PARENTS. 


It  often  happens  that  a  daughter  possesses 
greatly  superior  advantages  to  those  enjoyed,  in 
early  years,  by  either  her  father  or  mother.  She 
is  not  compelled  to  labor  as  hard  as  they  were 
obliged  to  labor  when  young ;  and  she  is  blessed 
with  the  means  of  education  far  beyond  what 
they  had.  Her  associations,  too,  are  of  a  dif- 
ferent order,  all  tending  to  elevate  her  views  of 
life,  to  refine  her  tastes,  and  to  give  her  admis- 
sion into  a  higher  grade  of  society  than  they 
M^ere  fitted  to  move  in. 

Unless  very  watchful  of  herself  and  very 
thoughtful  of  her  parents,  a  daughter  so  situated 
will  be  led  at  times  to  draw  comparisons  between 
her  own  cultivated  intellect  and  taste  and  the 
want  of  such  cultivation  in  her  parents,  and  to 
think  indifferently  of  them,  as  really  inferior,  be- 
cause not  so  well  educated  and  accomplished  as 
she  is.  A  distrust  of  their  judgment  and  a  dis- 
respect of  their  opinions  will  follow,  as  a  natural 
consequence,  if  these  thoughts  and  feelings  be 
indulged.     This    result  often    takes   place    with 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    PARENTS. 


115 


thoughtless,  weak-minded  girls ;  and  is  followed 
by  what  is  worse,  a  disregard  to  their  feelings, 
wishes,  and  express  commands. 

A  sensible  daughter,  who  loves  her  parents, 
will  hardly  forget  to  whom  she  is  indebted  for  all 
the  superior  advantages  she  enjoys.  She  will 
also  readily  perceive  that  the  experience  which 
her  parents  have  acquired,  and  their  natural 
strength  of  mind,  give  them  a  real  and  great 
superiority  over  her,  and  make  their  judgment,  in 
all  matters  of  life,  far  more  to  be  depended  upon 
than  hers  could  possibly  be.  It  may  be  that  her 
mother  has  never  learned  to  play  upon  the  piano, 
has  never  been  to  a  dancing-school,  has  never 
had  any  thing  beyond  the  merest  rudiments  of  an 
education ;  but  she  has  good  sense,  prudence, 
industry,  economy  ;  understands  and  practises 
all  the  virtues  of  domestic  life ;  has  a  clear,  dis- 
criminating judgment;  has  been  her  husband's 
faithful  friend  and  adviser  for  some  twenty  or 
thirty  years;  and  has  safely  guarded  and  guided 
her  children  up  to  mature  years.  These  evi- 
dences of  a  mother's  title  to  her  respect  and  full- 
est confidence  cannot  long  be  absent  from  a 
daughter's  mind,  and  will  prevent  her  acting  in 
direct  opposition  to  her  judgment. 

Thoughtless  indeed  must  be  that  child  who 
can  permit  an  emotion  of  disrespect  towards  her 


116  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES.  jj 

parents  to  dwell  in  her  bosom  for  more  than  a  jj 

single  moment !  i  \ 

Respect  and  love  towards  parents    are    abso-  |: 

lately  necessary  to  the  proper  formation  of  the  |  j 

character  upon  that  true  basis  which  will  bring  | 

into  just  order   and   subordination   all  the  pow-  j 

ers  of  the   mind.     Without  this  order  and  sub-  j 

ordination  there  can  be  no  true  happiness.     A  ! 

child  loves  and  respects  his  parents,  because  from  ' 

(them   he  derived  his  being,  and  from  them  re-  | 

ceives  every  blessing  and  comfort.    To  them,  and  | 

to  them  alone,  does  his  mind  turn  as  the  authors  of  j 

all  the  good  gifts  he  possesses.     As  a  mere  child,  ! 

it  is  right  for  him  thus  to  regard  his  parents  as  j 

the  authors  of  his  being  and  the  originators  of  all  | 

his  blessings.     But  as  reason  gains  strength  and  i 

he  sees  mcrre  deeply  into  the  nature  and  causes  i 

of  things,  which  only  takes  place  as  the  child  ap-  i 

proaches  the  years  of  maturity,  it  is  then  seen 
that  the  parents  were  only  the  agents  through 
which  life,  and  all  the  blessings  accompanying  it, 
came  from  God,  the  great  Father  of  all.  If  the 
parents  have  been  loved  with  a  truly  filial  love, 
th.en  the  mind  has  been  suitably  opened  and  pre- 
pared for  love  towards  God,  and  an  obedience  to 
his  divine  laws,  without  which  there  can  be  no 
true  happiness.  When  this  new  and  higher 
truth  takes  possession  of  the  child's  mind,  it  in 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    PARENTS. 


117 


no  way  diminishes  his  respect  for  his  earthly 
parents,  but  increases  it.  He  no  longer  obeys 
them  because  they  command  obedience,  but 
he  regards  the  truth  of  their  precepts,  and 
in  that  truth  hears  the  voice  of  God  speaking 
to  him.  More  than  ever  is  he  now  careful  to 
listen  to  their  wise  counsels,  because  he  per- 
ceives in  them  the  authority  of  reason,  which  is 
the  authority  of  God. 

Most  young  ladies,  on  attaining  the  age  of 
responsibility,  will  perceive  a  difference  in  the 
manner  of  their  parents.  Instead  of  opposing 
them,  as  heretofore,  with  authority,  they  will 
oppose  them  with  reason,  where  opposition  is 
deemed  necessary.  The  mother,  instead  of  say- 
ing, when  she  disapproves  any  thing,  "No, 
my  child,  you  cannot  do  it ; "  or,  "  No,  you 
must  not  go,  dear ; "  will  say,  "  I  would  rather 
not  have  you  do  so  ;  "  or,  "  I  do  not  approve  of 
your  going."  If  you  ask  her  reasons,  she  will 
state  them,  and  endeavor  to  make  you  compre- 
hend their  force.  It  is  far  too  often  the  case, 
that  the  daughter's  desire  to  do  what  her  mother 
disapproves  is  so  active,  that  neither  her  mother's 
objections  nor  reasons  are  strong  enough  to 
counteract  her  wishes,  and  she  follows  her  own 
inclinations  instead  of  being  guided  by  her 
mother's   better  judgment.     In  these   instances, 


118        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

she  almost  always  does  wrong,  and  suffers  there- 
from either  bodily  or  mental  pain. 

Obedience  in  childhood  is  that  by  which  we 
are  led  and  guided  into  right  actions.  When 
we  become  men  and  women,  reason  takes  the 
place  of  obedience ;  but,  like  a  young  bird  just 
fluttering  from  its  nest,  reason  at  first  has  not 
much  strength  of  wing ;  and  we  should  therefore 
suifer  the  reason  of  those  who  love  us,  like  the 
mother-bird,  to  stoop  under  and  bear  us  up  in 
our  earlier  efforts,  lest  we  fall  bruised  and 
wounded  to  the  ground.  To  whose  reason 
should  a  young  girl  look  to  strengthen  her  own, 
so  soon  as  to  her  mother's,  guided  as  it  is  by 
love?  But  it  too  often  happens  that,  under  the 
first  impulses  of  conscious  freedom,  no  voice  is 
regarded  but  the  voice  of  inclination  and  pas- 
I  sion.     The  mother  may  oppose,  and  warn,  and 

j  urge   the    most   serious    considerations,   but  the 

j  daughter  turns   a  deaf  ear  to  all.     She  thinks 

I  that   she   knows   best.     Let  us  give  a   case  in 

point. 
j  "  You  are  not  going  to-night,  Mary?"  said  a 

j  mother,   coming  into  her  daughter's  room,  and 

finding  her  dressing  for  a  ball.  She  had  been 
rather  seriously  indisposed,  for  some  days,  with  a 
cold  that  had  fallen  upon  her  throat  and  chest, 
which  was  weak,  but  was  now  something  better 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    PARENTS. 


119 


"  I  think  I  will,  mother,  for  I  am  much  better 
than  I  was  yesterday,  ^nd  have  improved  since 
morning.  I  have  promised  myself  so  much 
pleasure  at  this  ball,  that  I  cannot  think  of  being 
disappointed." 

The  mother  shook  her  head. 

"  Mary,"  she  replied,  "  you  are  not  well 
enough  to  go  out.  The  air  is  damp,  and  you 
will  inevitably  take  more  cold.  Think  how  badly 
your  throat  has  been  inflamed." 

"  I  don't  think  it  has  been  so  very  bad, 
mother." 

"  The  doctor  told  me  it  was  badly  inflamed, 
and  said  you  would  have  to  be  very  careful  of 
yourself,  or  it  might  prove  serious." 

"  That  was  some  days  ago.  It  is  a  great  deal 
better  now." 

"  But  the  least  exposure  may  cause  it  to 
return." 

"  I  will  be  very  careful  not  to  expose  myself. 
I  will  wrap  up  warm  and  go  in  a  carriage.  I 
am  sure  there  is  not  the  least  danger,  mother." 

"  While  I  am  sure  that  there  is  very  great 
danger.  You  cannot  pass  from  the  door  to  the 
carriage  without  the  damp  air  striking  upon 
your  face,  and  pressing  into  your  lungs." 

"  But  I  must  not  always  exclude  myself  from 


120        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

the  air,  mother.  Air  and  exercise,  you  know,  the 
doctor  says,  are  indispensable  to  health." 

"  Dry,  not  damp  air.  This  makes  the  dif- 
ference. But  you  must  act  for  yourself,  Mary. 
You  are  now  a  woman,  and  must  freely  act  in 
the  light  of  that  reason  which  God  has  given 
you.  Because  I  love  you,  and  desire  your  welfare, 
I  thus  seek  to  convince  you  ^hat  it  is  wrong 
to  expose  your  health  to-night.  Your  great 
desire  to  go  blinds  you  to  the  real  danger, 
which  I  can  fully  see." 

''  You  are  over-anxious,  mother,"  urged  Mary. 
"  I  know  how  I  feel  much  better  than  you  pos- 
sibly can,  and  I  know  I  am  well  enough  to  go." 

"  I  have  nothing  more  to  say,  my  child," 
returned  the  mother.  "  I  wish  you  to  act  freely, 
but  wisely.  Wisely  I  am  sure  you  will  not  act 
if  you  go  to-night.  A  temporary  illness  may  not 
alone  be  the  consequence;  your  health  may 
receive  a  shock  from  which  it  will  never  re- 
cover." 

"  Mother  wishes  to  frighten  me,"  said  Mary 
to  herself,  after  her  mother  had  left  the  room. 
^'  But  I  am  not  to  be  so  easily  frightened.  I  am 
sorry  she  makes  such  a  serious  matter  about  my 
going,  for  I  never  like  to  do  any  thing  that  is  not 
agreeable  to  her  feelings.     But  I  must  go  to  this 


CONDUCT    TOWAilUS    PARENTS. 


121 


ball.  William  is  to  call  for  rae  at  eight,  and  he 
would  be  as  much  disappointed  as  myself  if  I 
were  not  to  go.  As  to  taking  more  cold,  what 
of  that?  I  would  willingly  pay  the  penalty  of  a 
pretty  severe  cold  rather  than  miss  the  ball." 

Against  all  her  mother's  earnestly  urged  objec- 
tions, Mary  went  with  her  lover  to  the  ball.  She 
came  home,  at  one  o'clock,  with  a  sharp  pain 
through  her  breast,  red  spots  on  her  cheeks, 
oppression  of  the  chest,  and  considerable  fever. 
On  the  next  morning  she  was  unable  to  rise 
from  her  bed.  When  the  doctor,  who  was  sent 
for,  came  in,  he  looked  grave,  and  asked  if 
there  had  been  any  exposure  by  which  a  fresh 
cold  could  be  taken. 

"  She  was  at  the  ball  last  night,"  replied  the 
mother. 

"Not  with  your  approval,  madam  ? "  he  said 
quickly,  looking  with  a  stern  expression  into  the 
mother's  face. 

"  No,  doctor.  I  urged  her  not  to  go ;  but 
Mary  thought  she  knew  best.  She  did  not  be- 
lieve there  was  any  danger." 

A  strong  expression  rose  to  the  doctor's  lips, 
but  he  repressed  it,  lest  he  should  needlessly 
alarm  the  patient.  On  retiring  from  her  cham- 
ber, he  declared  the  case  to  be  a  very  critical 
one ;  and  so  it  proved  to  be.  Mary  did  not 
11 


122  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

leave  her  room  for  some  months ;  and  when  she 
did,  it  was  with  a  constitution  so  impaired  that 
she  could  not  endure  the  slightest  fatigue,  nor 
bear  the  least  exposure.  Neither  change  of 
climate  nor  medicine  availed  any  thing  towards 
restoring  her  to  liealth.  In  this  feeble  state,  she 
married,  about  twelve  months  afterwards,  the 
young  man  who  had  accompanied  her  to  the 
ball.  One  year  from  the  period  at  which  that 
happy  event  took  place,  she  died,  leaving  to 
stranger  hands  a  babe  that  needed  all  her  ten- 
derest  care,  and  a  husband  almost  broken-hearted 
at  his  loss. 

This  is  not  merely  a  picture  from  the  imagina- 
tion, and  highly  colored.  It  is  from  nature,  and 
every  line  is  drav/n  with  the  pencil  of  truth. 
Hundreds  of  young  women  yearly  sink  into  the 
grave,  whose  friends  can  trace  to  some  similar 
act  of  imprudence,  committed  in  direct  opposi- 
tion to  the  earnest  persuasions  of  parents  or 
friends,  the  cause  of  their  premature  decay  and 
death.  And  too  often  other,  and  sometimes 
even  worse,  consequences  than  death,  follow  a 
disregard  of  the  mother's  voice  of  warning. 

Let  no  young  lady,  then,  consider  herself  free 
to  follow  the  impulse  of  her  own  feelings,  be- 
cause she  is  no  longer  \inder  the  authority  of  her 
parents.     Let  her  remember  that  she  is  still  to  live 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    PARENTS. 


123 


in  the  strictest  obedience,  —  obedience  to  reason, 
—  and  that,  at  her  tender  age,  her  own  reason  is 
not  sufficiently  matured,  but  must  be  strengthened 
and  guided  towards  sound  conchisions  by  the 
experience  of  others.  To  her  parents  she  must, 
therefore,  still  look ;  and  she  is  as  much  bound  to 
obey  the  voice  of  reason  speaking  through  them, 
as  she  was  before  bound  to  obey  tiie  voice  of 
authority.  If  heedless  of  this  voice  of  reason 
thus  Speaking,  she  must  not  wonder  if  she 
commit  serious  errors,  that  may  entail  upon  her 
years,  it  may  be  a  lifetime,  of  suffering  and 
repentance. 

From  what  has  been  said,  let  it  not  be  sup- 
posed that  a  young  lady  should  not  cultivate  the 
habit  of  thinking  for  herself,  nor  seek  the  guid- 
ance of  her  own  reason,  properly  enlightened. 
No;  this  is  essential  to  the  moral  health  and 
true  well-being  of  every  individual.  All  that  is 
meant  is,  that  every  young  lady  should  willingly 
receive  the  aid  of  others'  reason  and  experience, 
to  enable  her  to  decide  in  her  own  mind  what  is 
right  for  her  to  do  under  certain  circumstances. 
So  much  inclined  will  she  be  to  act  from  feeling 
and  impulse,  that  she  will  find  all  such  aids  of 
the  first  importance;  and  she  will  be  in  much 
more  danger  of  acting  from  her  own  impulses 


124        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

and  passions,  and  thus  acting  wrong,  than  she 
will  be  of  acting  blindly  from  the  advice  of 
parents  or  friends. 


CHAPTER   XIII. 

EQUALITY    OF    THE    SEXES. 

Singularly  enough,  we  have  in  this  day  a 
class  of  intellectual  ladies,  who  boldly  contend 
for  the  absolute  equality  of  the  sexes,  and  who 
write  books  for  the  purpose  of  proving  this  doc- 
trine, and  spreading  it  throughout  society.  As 
far  as  we  are  able  to  understand  what  they  do 
believe,  we  infer  that  they  hold  the  only  radical 
difference  that  exists  between  a  man  and  a 
woman  to  be  the  difference  of  physical  con- 
formation—  the  social  difference  that  is  seen 
every  where,  arising  from  man's  superior  phys- 
ical power,  by  which  he  is  able  to  keep  woman 
in  subjection.  They  claim  for  woman  equal 
civil  and  political  privileges  witfi  man,  and  see 
nothing  but  tyranny  in  the  law,  or  usage  that 
}ias  the  force  of  law,  which  keeps  a  woman  out 


EQUALITY    OF    THE    SEXES.  125 

of  her  country's  legislative  halls.  \Every  where  -/> 
would  these  reformers  place  women  in  contest^ 
with  men  for  the  honors  and  emoluments  which 
Fociety  bestows  upon  the  successful ;  —  in  the 
■^ariip,  on  tlie  beiich,  at  tlie  bar,  in  tlie  pulpit,  in 
the  dissecting-room,  or  hospital,  with  the  opera- 
tor's knife  in  her  hand,  —  in  fact,  wherever 
strong  nerve,  powerful  intellect,  decision,  and 
firmness  are  required. 

Some  of  the  books  written  by  advocates  of 
these  doctrines  contain  views  of  a  most  per- 
nicious character,  striking  still 'more  deeply  at 
the  very  foundations  of  social  well-being.  As 
might  be  supposed,  few  of  their  writers  under- 
stand or  teach  what  is  true  in  regard  to  mar- 
riage. And  this  is  no  matter  of  wonder;  for 
how  can  any  one,  who  is  not  able  to  see  the 
true  difference  between  the  sexes,  teach  what  is 
true  in  regard  to  their  union  ? 

In  order  to  guard  our  young  friends  against 
the  false  reasonings,  and  equally  false  conclu- 
sions, of  these  advocates  of  the  equality  of  the 
sexes,  we  will,  in  as  plain  and  comprehensive  a 
way  as  possible,  set  forth  what  is  the  true  rela- 
tion of  one  sex  to  the  other  ;  and  in  doing  this 
we  must  explain  the  radical  difference.  As  to 
equality  in  itself,  this,  iio^doubt,  exists;  butlt  is 
in  tliejequal  right  of  b^i  to^bejiseful  and  happy 


j      126        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES.  j 

'     .  .  ! 

in  the  particular  spheres  for  which  God  created  ! 
them.      The  main  point   of  equality    which    is 
contended   for,  and  upon   which  all  the  rest  is 

made    to    depend,    is  intdlectual  equality ;    and  I 

here  the  great  error  is  committed,  and  it  is  com-  { 

i         mitted    by  ''  intellectual  "   or  "  masculine  "  wo-  I 

I  men,  who  hold  the  same  false  relation  to  their  i 

j         sex,  that  ''  effeminate  "  men  hold  to  theirs.     It  is  j 

I  a  little  curious  that  the  first  use  made,  by  these  j 

intellectual  women,  of  their  great  mental  powers,  j 

is  to  lead  their  followers  into  a  most  danorerous  i 

error !  | 

That  there   does  exist   as   great    a  difference  j 

between    the    mental    as    between   the   physical  i 
structure  of  the  sexes,   is   clear,  from  common 

perception,  to  almost  every  one.     That  it  must  ' 

be  so,   will  be  seen  from  this :     Every  physical  \ 
form  that  we  see  in   nature  is  the  outbirth   of 

some  spiritual  and  invisible  cause ;  and  the  pe-  i 

culiarity  of  its  form   and  quality  depends  solely  i 

upon    the  peculiarity  of  its   cause.     The  cause  j 

that  produces  a  rose  is  different  from  that  which  | 

produces  a  lily,  and  ever  remains  different.     The  ! 

cause  that  produces  a  lion  is  different  from  that  j 

which  produces  a  lamb.     It  is  not  circumstances,  | 

the  peculiarity  of  education,  nor  any  other  ex-  | 
ternal  thing,  that  makes  this  difference,  for  it  is 
radical     And  as  this  is  true  in  the  broader,  so 


EQUALITY    OF    THE    SEXES. 


127 


m 

ferent  from  tlie  mind  of  a  woman,  because  ,.he 
has  a  different  external  conformation.  This  dif- 
ference is  not  a  slight  one ;  it  is  a  difference  that 
pervades  every  part  of  the  body. 

The  question  now  comes  — "  In  what  does 
this  difference  specifically  consist?"  Before 
attempting  to  answer  this  fully,  let  it  be  re- 
marked, that  this  difference  is  a  uniting  dif- 
ference, not  a  separating  one ;  and  that  inherent 
in  the  two  sexes  is  an  instinct  that  tends  to  a 
union  of  one  with  the  other.  This  union,  let  it 
be  further  stated,  is  necessary  to  the  formation 
of  a  perfect  being :  until  it  does  take  place,  both 
the  man  and  the  woman  must  be,  in  a  certain 
sense,  imperfect — he  only  a  thinking  man,  and 
she  only  a  loving  man.  But  when  it  is  effected, 
then  both  unite  to  form  one  truly  perfect  man, 
with  thought  and  affection  in  their  fullest  power. 

As  clearly  as  it  is  possible  for  us  to  do  it,  will 


is  it  true  in  all  the  minuter,  shades  of  difference 
that  exist  in  the  world  of  nature.     If  there  be 
any  difference  in  form,  there  is  a  corresponding 
difference,  be  it  ever  so  minute,  in  the  producing 
cause.     Keeping  this  in  view,  it  may  readily  be    Q 
seen,  thaFwhat  niakes  man  a  man,  and  woman   O^^^l^.J^..^ 
a  w«man,  is  not  the   body,  buT  the  mind;  and,  j^  J       ^  ^ 
as  the_body  is  formed  from,  by,  or  through  the'.r"^  ■ 
mind  as  a  cause,  the  mind  of  a  man  must  be  dif-     '   \>. 


M  \ 


'>j 


» 


^Uf..^ 


128 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


i  we  now  endeavor  to  show  in  what  the  difference 

i  of  the  sexes  consists.     The  mind  is  composed  of 

I  two  faculties,  Will  and  Understandincr ;   the  one 

I         the  seat  of  affection,  and  the  other  of  thought. 
j  The  brain  is  that  organ  by  which  the  mind  acts, 

j  and  is  marked  by  two  grand  divisions,  the  cere- 

I  brum  and  the  cerebellum.     The  cerebrum  occu- 

I         pies  the  highest  and  anterior  part  of  the   skull, 
i  while   the    cerebellum,  or    little   brain,  as    it   is 

j  sometimes   called,  occupies  the  lower   and  pos- 

I         terior  part  of  the  skull.     It  is  by  means  of  the 
I  cerebellum  that  the  will  acts,  and  by  means  of 

I  the  cerebrum  that  the  understanding  acts.     By 

I  the  will,  affections  are  excited ;  and  by  the  under- 

I  standing,  thoughts.     The  will  feels,  or  loves:  the 

I  understanding    thinks.       The    understanding    is 

the  agent  of  the  will,  and  bodies  forth  or  gives 
forms  to  its  peculiar  affections.  The  will  is 
man's  life  or  love,  and  the  understanding  is  only 
the  means  by  which  the  life  or  love  of  a  man 
comes  into  activity,  and  thence  into  power. 

By  keeping  this  division  in  the  mind,  the  dif-  :i 

j  ference  between  the  sexes,  when  stated,  will  be  1  j 

|i  clearly   apparent.     A   man  has  will   and   under-  ij 

i         standing,   and    a   cerebellum    and    cerebrum  by  j! 

i  I  which  they  act ;   and  so  has   a   woman.     In  this  |  i 

H  they  are  alike.     But  in  man  the  understanding  - 

|t'        predominates,  and  in  woman  the  will;  and  here 
M  '■ 


EQUALITY    OF    THE    SEXES. 


129 


they  are  different.  If  this  be  so,  we  may,  of 
course,  expect  to  find  a  larger  development  of 
the  cerebrum,  or  upper  brain,  in  man,  and  a 
larger  development  of  the  cerebellum,  or  lower 
brain,  in  woman ;  and  this  is  so.  A  man's  head 
is  higher,  and  fuller  in  front,  than  a  woman's; 
while  a  woman's  head  is  broader  and  larger 
behind  than  a  man's. 

From  this  it  will  be  seen  that  man  has  a  will  and 
an  understanding;  and  so  has  a  woman;  —  that 
both  are  thinking  and  loving  beings,  but  that  in 
one  the  understanding  or  intellect  preponderates, 
and  in  the  other  the  will  or  affections ;  and  there- 
fore to  claim  mental  equality  is  absurd.  A  man 
is  not  equal  to  a  woman,  nor  a  woman  equal  to 
a  man.  As  to  the  question  of  superiority,  we 
leave  that  for  others  to  decide  ;  merely  stating, 
however,  that  the  will  has  reference  to  good,  and 
the  understanding  to  truth ;  the  affections  re- 
garding quality  or  good,  and  the  understand- 
hig  being  merely  the  discriminating  power  by 
which  truth  is  perceived.  Some  think  good 
higher  than  truth  ;  and  this  is  our  *own  opinion. 
Good  is,  in  fact,  the  essence,  and  truth  the  form, 
of  a  thing. 

The  true  difference  between  the  sexes  is  that 
which  we  have  just  stated.  Now,  let  any  sen- 
sible woman  reflect  upon  the  nature  of  this   dif- 


130        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

ference,  and  she  will  at  once  see  that  the  claim 
of  equality  which  is  set  up  is  altogether  an  erro- 
neous one,  and  that  the  attempt  to  make  woman 
equal  in  the  way  some  contend  that  she  should 
be,  would  be  to  do  the  greatest  possible  wrong, 
both  to  herself  and  society.  That  she  has  not 
the  strong  intellectual  power  that  man  possesses, 
no  woman,  but  one  blinded  by  her  own  pride  and 
self-love,  will  for  a  moment  attempt  to  maintain. 
There  are  men  of  weak  intellect,  and  women  of 
!i  stroncr   intellect:    but  take  the    whole   mass    of 

I  women  and  the   whole  mass  of  men,  and  every 

j  I  one    can    see   that    there    is    an    immense    pre- 

1 1  ponderance   of    intellect    in    the   one    over   the 

; !  other.     By  intellect  do  not  understand  us  to  say 

!  i  mind :    we   are  only  speaking   of  a  faculty  of 

the  mind  by  which  man  is  peculiarly  distin- 
guished. Love,  the  sweeter,  purer,  stronger 
quality  of  mind,  is  woman's. 

In  the  beginning,  God  made  man  male  and  fe- 
male. There  is  a  deep  significance  in  this  peculiar 
language.  It  is  said  in  the  Bible,  speaking  of  a 
man  and  his* wife,  that  They  ticain  shall  be  one 
fiesh.  And  the  common  perception  of  man- 
kind, brought  down  into  common  language,  is, 
that  "  a  man  and  his  wife  are  one."  This 
is    not  a   mere   figure    of    speech,    a   beautiful 


EQUALITY    OF    THE    SEXES. 


131 


idealism.  It  is  the  truth.  A  man  and  his  wife, 
truly  so,  are  one.  Now,  how  can  two  things, 
precisely  alike,  become  one  ?  A  man  and  a  man 
are  alike,  and  so  are  a  woman  and  a  woman; 
but  they  cannot  become  one.  There  needs  to 
be  a  uniting  difference ;  and  this  we  have  in  the 
preponderance  of  intellect  in  man,  and  affection 
in  woman ;  and  their  union,  mystical  and  holy, 
is  needed  to  make  one  truly  perfect,  effective 
man. 

Of  the  nature  of  this  mystical  union  we  had 
thought  of  speaking  here  at  some  length ;  but  the 
subject  is  rather  difficult  of  comprehension,  and 
hardly  in  place  in  a  work  like  this. 

It  follows,  from  what  has  been  said,  that  mar- 
riage is  essential  to  human  perfection.  This  we 
firmly  believe;  and  we  also  believe  that  where 
marriage  is  opposed  from  principle,  (it  never  is 
from  any  other  than  a  selfish  principle,)  the  mind 
becomes  perverted  from  its  true  order,  and  the 
intellect  weakened. 

It  may  seem  to  some,  that  to  say  equality 
of  the  sexes  is  not  the  true  mode  of  speaking,  as 
a  denial  of  this  equality,  leaves  on  the  mind  an 
idea  of  inferiority  of  one  to  the  other.  To  some, 
the  terms  used  will  doubtless  convey  this  mean- 
ing. The  difficulty  of  choosing  terms  that  ex- 
press with  perfect  exactness  what  we  desire  to 


132  ADVICE    TO    YOUjVG    LADIES. 

convey,  is  often  very  great,  especially  as  to  the 
same  set  of  terms  different  persons  attach  pecu- 
liar, and  sometimes  very  important,  shades  of 
difference.  By  equal,  as  used  in  this  chapter, 
is  meant  being  alike  as  to  mental  conformation 
and  mental  power  —  which  is  denied.  As  to 
which  is  highest  or  lowest,  superior  or  inferior, 
that  is  another  matter.  Here  we  believe_woman 
to  be  the  equal  of  man;  not  born  to  obedience, 
but  to  136  his  intelligent  and  lovin^companion^^ 

Let  no  young  woman  be  deceived  by  the  class 
of  reformers,  to  which  we  made  allusion  in  the 
commencement  of  this  chapter.  Some  of  them, 
stepping  out  of  the  sphere  for  which  God  and 
their  own  peculiar  mental  qualities  designed 
them,  are  assuming  the  place  of  men  as  itinerant 
and  public  lecturers;  and  most  of  them  speak 
almost  with  a  species  of  scoffing  of  the  holy 
state  of  wedlock.  No  good,  in  any  case,  has 
ever  arisen,  but  much  evil,  from  the  promulga- 
tion of  their  pernicious  doctrines.  Man  they 
are  too  much  in  the  habit  of  representing  as  a 
selfish  tyrant,  and  woman  as  his  plaything  or 
slave;  and  they  are  full  of  intemperate  appeals 
to  their  sex  to  throw  off  the  yoke  that  man  has 
placed  upon  their  necks.  That  there  are  men 
who  are  selfish  tyrantsj  and  make  slaves  of  their 
wives,   is   not   to  be  denied ;    but  just  as  many 


EQUALITY    OF    THE    SEXES. 


133 


women  tyrannize  over  their  husbands.  These 
form  the  exceptions,  not  the  rule ;  and  to  judge 
of  all,  by  these  exceptions,  shows  either  a  weak 
head  or  a  bad  heart. 

As  far  as  we  have  observed  these  social  re- 
formers, we  find  that  the  great  evil  complained 
of,  the  head  and  front  of  all  the  wrong  they 
suffer,  lies  in  the  necessity  there  is  for  the 
female  sex  to  attend  to  domestic  duties,  while 
man  steps  abroad  into  the  \vorld,  and  makes 
himself  a  name  and  a  place  therein.  They 
complain  that  every  avenue  to  wealth,  place,  and 
preferment,  is  blocked  up  by  men,  and  that  a 
woman  is  not  permitted,  by  the  absurd  customs, 
of  society,  to  contend  for  honors  and  wealth,  but 
must  meekly  withdraw  into  her  little  circle  at 
home,  and  be  content  with  her  husband's  honor, 
or  the  portion  of  his  wealth  he  may  choose  to 
dole  out  to  her. 

With  this  idea  set  steadily  before  their  minds, 
at  the  same  time  that  they  are  profoundly  igno- 
rant of  what  really  makes  the  difference  between 
man  and  woman,  they  see  nothing  but  wrong 
and  oppression  in  the  usages  of  society,  and 
charge  upon  man  the  authorship  of  what  is  only 
the  legitimate  result  of  a  law  impressed  by  the 
hand  of  God  upon  the  human  mind. 

In  thus  speaking,  it  is  not  meant  to  deny  that 
12 


134 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


many  evils  exist  in  society,  and  that  women  do 

not  suffer  sorely  from  these  evils.     This,  alas  ! 

we  know  too  well.     But  that  which  is  pointed 

out  by  the  persons  we  allude  to,  as  the  cause,  is 

not  the  true  one.  ^^.^^....^..,^ 

r^There  is  something  really  so   absurd   and  re- 

I  volting  in  the  idea  of  taking  woman  out  of  her 

f  present  sphere,  and   her  present  high   and  holy 

'  uses  in  society,  and  placing  her  side  by  side  with 

man  in  the  world's  rough  arena,  and  in  contest 

with  him  for  honor,  and  fame,  and  wealth,  that 

we  cannot  seriously  argue  against  it.     We  have 

deemed  it  sufficient  to  show   that,   in  the  very 

nature  of  things,  such  can  never  be  the  case. 


CHAPTER   XIV. 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    MEN. 


There  are  two  extremes  which  we  constantly 
see  among  young  women  on  first  going  into  com- 
pany, and  coming  into  the  society  of  men.  The 
one  is  a  simpering  bashfulness,  that  looks  and  \s 
very  silly,  while  the  other  is  exhibited  in  a  bold. 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    MEN. 


135 


free  air,  that  is  even  more  offensive  to  good 
sense  and  propriety.  A  little  more  confidence 
will  correct  the  one,  and  a  little  more  modesty 
the  other.  Both  are  exceedingly  unpleasant  to 
meet  with,  though  the  former  is  much  more  tol- 
erable to  men  of  true  feeling  and  discernment 
than  the  latter.  These  latter  will  always  find 
plenty  of  young  men  ready  to  gossip,  and  flirt, 
and  take  liberties  of  speech  with  them,  that  the 
gelf-respect  of  any  modest  girl  would  cause  her 
at  once  to  repel;  but  the  -  crowd  they  gather 
around  them  is  far  from  being  a  crowd  of  real 
admirers;  or,  if  weak  enough  to  admire,  they 
are  far  from  being  such  admirers  as  a  true 
woman  would  wish  to  have.  They  are  mostly 
silly  boys,  or  men  who  have  lost  all  true  respect 
for  woman. 

On  first  going  into  company,  a  pure-minded, 
truly  modest,  inexperienced  girl,  will  naturally 
feel  a  degree  of  reserve  and  embarrassment, 
especially  on  meeting  with  and  being  introduced 
to  strange  young  men.  This  feeling  of  reserve 
she  should  not  seek  to  throw  off,  unless  the  men 
have  received  their  introduction  to  her  through 
her  father  or  brother,  or  some  particular  friend 
of  the  family,  in  whom  her  parents  evidently 
place  great  confidence.  When  this  is  the  case, 
politeness  requires  that  she  should  endeavor  to 


136  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

^      make  herself  agreeable  and  entertaining  to  the 
person  so  introduced,  by  joining  in  conversation 
with   him   upon  some  general  topic,  instead  of 
merely  replying  in  monosyllables  to  every  remark 
i  he  may  offer  —  a  custom  that  is  very  annoying  to 

I  a  person  who  is  politely  endeavoring  to  entertain 

another.  Don't  say  that  you  cannot  do  it  —  that 
you  don't  know  what  to  say.  Compose  your 
mind,  and  think,  and  thought  will  soon  dictate 
what  you  ought  to  say.  If,  however,  the  person 
who  is  seeking  your  acquaintance,  has  been  in- 
troduced, without  your  consent,  by  some  other 
than  your  father,  brother,  or  your  parents'  par- 
ticular friend,  you  cannot  be  too  reserved  towards 
him.  You  have  no  guaranty  for  his  character 
or  his  principles,  and  therefore  you  should  not 
let  him  be  upon  easy  and  familiar  terms  with 
you. 

In  regard  to  her  acquaintances  of  the  other 
sex,  a  young  lady  cannot  be  too  particular.  It 
is  no  proof  that  a  young  man  is  worthy  to  be 
numbered  among  her  friends,  because  he  is  well 
dressed,  good  looking,  converses  intelligently, 
and  visits  at  the  house,  or  attends  the  parties 
given  by  this,  that,  or  the  other  respectable 
person.  The  error  of  believing  this  is  a  too 
common,  but  a  very  dangerous  one.  Unfor- 
tunately, such  evidences   are  no  proofs  of  true 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    MEN. 


137 


respectability  and  virtue.  As  society  is  now 
constituted,  the  worst  class  of  young  men,  as 
well  as  the  best,  are  equally  free  to  mingle  in 
fashionable  circles:  all  that  is  needed  to  give 
them  access  are  family,  education,  and  good 
manners.  The  most  depraved,  alike  with  the 
most  virtuous,  may  possess  these  external  advan- 
tages. How  often  is  it  the  case  that  we  see  a 
young  man,  whose  habits  are  as  bad  as  a  de- 
praved heart  can  make  them,  in  close  and 
friendly  conversation,  and,  it  may  be,  impiously 
venturing  to  touch  the  hand  of  a  pure-minded, 
innocent  girl,  who,  if  the  quality  of  his  mind 
could  be  made  apparent  to  her,  would  shrink 
from  him  with  horror  !  It  is,  we  regret  to  say, 
an  almost  every-day  occurrence.  To  prevent 
this  as  far  as  possible,  a  young  lady  should  de- 
cline all  proposed  introductions,  unless  made  by 
her  nearest  and  best  friends  —  those  whom  she 
knows  to  be  discriminating,  and  who  have 
deeply  at  heart  her  welfare.  If  introductions  are 
forced  upon  her  without  her  consent,  she  can  do 
no  less  than  treat  the  person  so  introduced  with 
politeness;  but  she  should  limit  the  acquaintance 
to  the  particular  occasion.  Afterwards  she  should 
be  careful  to  treat  the  individual  as  a  stranger. 
If  he,  however,  taking  advantage  of  his  introduc- 
tion, should  force  himself  upon  her,  she  should 
12* 


138 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


not  treat  him  with  rudeness,  —  no  lady  will  do 
that,  —  but  with  a  degree  of  coldness  that  will 
sooner  or  later  cause  him  to  feel  that  his  ac- 
quaintance is  not  agreeable. 

Reserve  like  this  is  absolutely  necessary  to 
the  protection  of  a  pure-hearted  maiden,  in  a 
society  constituted  as  ours  at  present  is.  The 
semblances  of  all  that  is  honorable  and  noble- 
minded  are  so  perfect,  that  even  age,  with  all  its 
penetration,  cannot  sometimes  see  through  the 
veil  that  hides  corruption  and  moral  deformity, 
much  less  the  eyes  of  a  young  and  inexperienced 
girl. 

Treated  by  the  other  sex  as  a  woman,  a 
maiden  of  seventeen,  eighteen,  or  even  twenty, 
is  apt  to  forget  that  she  knows  little  or  nothing 
of  the  world,  and  that  her  knowledge  of  char- 
acter is  very  limited.  All  around  her,  it  seems 
as  if  a  book  were  laid  open,  and  she  has  but  to 
read  and  obtain  the  fullest  information  on  what- 
ever appertains  to  life.  But  she  has  yet  to  learn 
that  she  sees  only  tne  appearances  of  things,  and 
that  realities  are  hidden  beneath  them,  and  can- 
not be  seen  by  her  except  through  the  eyes  of 
those  who  are  older  and  more  experienced.  If 
she  will  believe  this,  it  will  make  her  modest 
and  reserved  ;  modesty  and  reserve  will  make 
her    thoughtful ;    thinking  is  the  mind's    seeing 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    MEN. 


139 


power,  and  by  it,  and  it  alone,  will  a  young  lady 
be  able  to  see  for  herself  what  is  right,  and  form 
her  own  judgment  of  the  world  into  which  she 
has  been  introduced,  and  where  she  has  an  im- 
portant part  to  act  as  a  woman.  The  men  with 
whom  she  comes  in  contact  nre  often  from  two 
to  tliree,  and  sometimes  from  &  ^  to  seven,  years 
older  than  herself  They  have  teen  more  and 
thought  more  than  she  has.  The  first  deceitful 
appearances  of  life  have  passed  away  with  them, 
and  they  can  see  beneath  the  surface.  When  in 
company  with  men,  therefore,  a  young  lady 
should  seek  rather  to  follow  than  lead  in  the 
conversation ;  for,  by  doing  this,  she  will  gain 
much  useful  information  and  many  desirable 
hints  in  regard  to  manners,  character,  social 
usages,  books,  and  various  other  matters  useful 
to  be  known.  If,  as  will  not  unfrequently  be  the 
case,  young  men  begin  some  trifling  chit-ch^it  or 
idle  gossip  about  fashion,  or  call  attention  to 
some  peculiarity  of  dress,  person,  or  manner  in 
individuals  present,  a  young  lady  should  as 
adroitly  as  possible  change  the  subject,  and  en- 
deavor to  lead  her  companion  into  a  conversation 
on  topics  of  more  interest  and  importance.  If 
she  fail  in  doing  this,  she  should  maintain  a  rigid 
silence  on  the  subjects  introduced  ;  they  are  un- 
worthy of  her,  and  their  introduction  should  be 


140 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


felt  as  no  compliment.  It  may  be,  that  her  com- 
panion is  not  able  to  talk  about  any  thing  more 
sensible ;  if  that  be  the  case,  the  quicker  he  seek 
to  entertain  those  like  him,  the  better,  and  a 
young  lady  of  good  sense  will  think  stooping  to 
gossip  with  him  too  dear  a  price  to  pay  for  his 
favorable  opinion.  • 

Never  converse  with  young  men  about  your 
own  private  and  personal  matters,  nor  of  the 
concerns  of  your  family.  They  are  merely  your 
acquaintances,  not  your  confidential  friends,  and 
never  should  be  admitted  to  that  distinction. 
Some  young  men  will  take  a  dishonorable  ad- 
vantage of  such  things,  and  repeat  what  you 
have  said  in  order  to  make  it  appear  that  you 
entertain  for  them  a  particular  preference.  If 
what  you  have  really  said  be  not  sufficient  to 
give  that  construction  to  it,  they  will  add  a  little 
coloring,  so  as  to  make  it  suit  their  purpose. 
Many  a  young  lady,  could  she  hear  her  own 
words  repeated,  with  ^  certain  construction 
placed  upon  them  by  young  men,  would  weep 
with  shame  and  mortification.  It  is  impossible 
for  you  to  be  too  guarded  in  this  particular.  If 
you  could  but  once  hear,  as  the  writer  has  dozens 
of  times  heard,  young  men,  after  spending  an 
evening  in  free,  social  intercourse  with  young 
ladies,  relate  what  this,  that,  and  the  other  one 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    MEN. 


141 


said  to  them,  and  the  manner  of  saying  it,  with 
the  construction  placed  upon  both  words  and 
manner,  you  wonld  almost  be  tempted  to  seal 
your  lips  in  silence  when  again  in  company.  In 
matters  like  this,  the  vanity  of  some  young  men 
causes  them  to  see  far  more  than  ever  existed. 
Be  modest,  thoughtful,  and  rather  reserved  than 
free  in  your  manner ;  repel  with  coldness  and 
silence  all  familiarity;  take  but  little  part  in 
sentimental  conversations,  if  introduced,  and 
repress  any  free  expression  of  admiration  for 
poetry,  starlight,  and  moonshine,  no  matter  how 
strong  you  may  feel  it ;  be  careful  how  you  com- 
pliment a  young  man's  appearance,  his  manners, 
or  his  talents  ;  and,  above  all,  let  your  intentions 
and  thoughts  be  right,  and  you  need  not  fear  any 
serious  misjudgment  of  your  feelings  or  char- 
acter. 

Among  the  errors  which  young  ladies  are  very 
prone  to  commit  is  one  that  all  men  notice,  and 
which  some  men  feel  to  be  very  annoying,  es- 
pecially as  the  error,  in  too  many  cases,  is  one 
that  mature  years  does  not  seem  to  correct.  In 
this  country,  politeness,  deference,  and  attention 
to  ladies,  are  considered  cardinal  virtues  among 
well-bred  men.  The  best  places  at  table,  the 
most  comfortable  seats  in  public  conveyances* 
the  most  delicate  and  choice  viands  at  a  repast, 


142        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

—  in  fact,  every  thing  that  is  most  comfortable,  or 
that  can  at  all  be  a  matter  of  preference,  —  is  gen- 
erously yielded  by  gentlemen  to  ladies,  not  as 
their  right,  but  from  feelings  of  kindness,  or 
from  the  dictate  of  {hat  genuine  politeness  that  I 

always  prefers  another.     So  habitual  is  this  to  | 

gentlemen,  that  a  young  lady  meeting  with  def-  I 

erence  and  attention  every  where,  is  apt  to  fall  , 

into  the  error  of  supposing  that  it  belongs  to  her  i 

sex  as  a  right,  instead  of  being  yielded  by  good  ! 

feeling.     We    can    suppose    no  other  to  be  the  i 

reason  why  so  many  ladies,  instead  of  waiting  i 

for  these  preferences  to  be  shown,  boldly  claim  i 

them;  or,  when  shown,  never  seem  to  imagine  i 

that  a  polite  acknowledgment  of  the  kindness  is  j 

the  smallest  return  they  can  make.     How  often  i 

do  we  see  a  lady  at  a  concert,  or  other  public  | 

place,  walk  deliberately  up  to  a  gentleman  who  \ 

has  come  much  earlier  than  she  has,  in  order  to  | 

secure  a  good  seat,  and  stand  in  front  of  him, 
with    a  look  or  manner  that  says,  as   plain    as  1 

words,    "  Come,    sir !     give   place.      I   wish    to  | 

have  that  seat."     The  same  rudeness  and  want  | 

of  respect  to  the  rights  of  the  other  sex  are  daily  j 

seen  by  those  who  ride  in  omnibuses.  The 
stage  is  stopped,  and  a  lady  of  this  class  comes 
to  the  door  for  the  purpose  of  entering,  and  finds 
every  seat   taken.    Instead   of  at  once  retiring, 


CONDUCT    TOWARDS    MEN. 


143 


she  coolly  waits  for  the  gentleman  nearest  the 
door  to  get  out  of  the  vehicle,  in  order  that  she 
may  get  in  ;  and  it  most  generally  happens  that, 
for  the  sake  of  appearances  alone,  some  one  of 
them  yields  his  place,  —  no  matter  whether  he  be 
too  much  indispose^d  to  walk  without  great  fa- 
tigue, or  be  in  haste  on  important  business,  —  and 
the  lady  gets  in,  perfectly  unconscious  of  the 
fact  that  every  one  of  her  male  fellow-passengers 
feels  that  she  has  trespassed  upon  their  good 
feelings  as  men.  The  true  lady,  the  nioment 
she  discovers  that  the  stage  is  full,  retires ;  but 
it  is  very  rarely  that  she  is  not  immediately 
recalled  by  some  one,  who  says  he  has'  but  a 
short  distance  farther  to  go,  or  who  will  stand 
outside,  or  who  professes  to  be  in  no  hurry,  and 
would  just  as  lief  walk  as  ride.  When  pains  are 
thus  taken  to  make  room  for  a  lady,  she  should, 
in  most  cases,  accept  the  offered  seat  with  an 
expression  of  thanks,  as,  by  so  doing,  she  will 
afford  the  person  who  tenders  it  far  more  pleasure 
than  if  she  were  to  decline  the  politeness.  There 
is  often  more  lady-like  feeling  displayed  in  ac- 
cepting an  offered  kindness,  than  in  declining  it. 
It  is  not  a  little  curious  to  see  how  these  very 
ladies,  who  expect  so  much  from  gentlemen, 
seem  to  forget  that  any  thing  is  due  from  them. 
Who  has  not  come  to  the  door  of  an  omnibus, 


144 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


one  side  of  which  had  its  complement  of  six, 
while  upon  the  other  side  four  ladies  had  spread 
themselves  out,  from  end  to  end  of  the  seat,  not  one 
of  whom  would  move  an  inch  to  make  place  for 
another,  who  had  an  absolute  right  to  a  part  they 
were  ungenerously  occupying?  It  is  usually  a 
matter  of  indifference  whether  the  new  passenger 
be  a  lady  or  a  gentleman;  no  offer  of  a  seat  is 
made,  and  the  passenger  has  to  retire,  while  the 
owners  of  the  vehicle  are  wronged  out  of  a  por- 
tion of  their  profits. 

All  these  things  are  noticed  in  a  moment  by 
gentlemen,  and  form  subjects  of  remark  among 
them.  Some,  with  more  independent  firmness 
than  others^,  make  it  a  rule  never  to  yield  their 
rights  to  any  woman  who  thus  rudely  demands  a 
deference  to  her  convenience  ;  while  to  a  true 
lady  they  voluntarily  render  every  attention,  and 
yield  every  preference. 

Young  ladies  should,  on  entering  society, 
learn  to  think  correctly,  that  they  may  act  cor- 
rectly, in  all  matters  relating  to  their  intercourse 
with  gentlemen.  By  always  remembering  that 
they  have  no  real  title  to  a  preference  in  every 
thing,  they  will  be  sure  to  receive  with  a  proper 
feeling,  and  a  proper  acknowledgment  of  the 
kindness,  all  polite  attentions  and  preferences 
that    are    accorded    to   them    by  the    other  sex. 


CHARACTER    OF    MALE    VISITORS. 


145 


Instead  of  expecting  to  be  always  receiving 
attentions  from  gentlemen,  there  should  be  an 
efFort  made  to  reciprocate  kind  offices  in  every 
possible  and  proper  way.  The  preference  yield- 
ed, the  attention  oifered,  the  generous  self- 
denial  made  for  your  comfort,  at  the  same  time 
that  it  is  accepted,  should  always  be  retained 
with  an  air  that  shows  that  you  feel  it  to  be  a 
favor,  and  not  a  right  to  which  you  are  entitled. 


CHAPTER   XV. 


CHARACTER    OF     THE     MEN     WHO     ARE     RECEIVED 
AS    VISITORS. 


A  YOUNG  lady  always  has  it  in  her  power  to 
limit  her  visiting  acquaintances  to  those  whose 
characters  she  fully  approves.  And  this  she 
owes  it  to  herself  to  do. 

In  forming  an  estimate  of  character,  a  young 
lady  will  always  find  some  difficulty,  because  she 
must  be  ignorant  of  a  young  man's  habits,  if 
bad,  except  so  far  as  a  knowledge  of  them  hap- 
pens to  come  to  her  through  common  report. 
To  a  very  considerable  extent,  however,  the  in- 
13 


146 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


stinctive  perceptions  of  a  virtuous  young  woman 
will  materially  aid  her  in  forming  an  estimate  of 
the  young  men  into  whose  society  she  is  thrown. 
If,  from  the  first,  the  presence  of  any  one  is  re- 
pugnant to  her,  she  will  do  well  to  avoid  the 
society  of  that  person,  no  matter  how  persever- 
ingly  he  may  seek  to  gain  her  good  opinion. 
Around  the  mind  of  every  one  is  a  sphere  of  its 
quality,  as  certainly  as  odor  surrounds  a  flower; 
and  this  quality  is  perceived  in  attractions  or 
repulsions,  by  all  who  are  similar  or  dissimilar. 
The  good  are  instinctively  drawn  towards  each 
other,  and  so  are  the  evil,  without  the  real  cause 
coming  into  the  mind's  consciousness.  The 
quality  of  the  affections,  likewise,  whether  good 
or  evil,  are  expressed  in  the  eye  and  on  the  face ; 
and  although  we  have  no  key  to  their  interpreta- 
tion, and  cannot  say,  except  in  certain  cases, 
what  the  mind's  true  quality  is,  from  what  it 
stamps  upon  the  face,  yet  we  have  an  instinctive 
perception  of  it  as  good  or  evil,  and  are  repelled 
or  attracted  involuntarily.  To  her  first  impres- 
sions of  character,  it  will,  therefore,  always  be 
well  for  a  young  lady  to  pay  great  respect,  and 
always  admit  with  caution  any  one  who  was  at 
first  repugnant  to  a  friendly  relation.  She  who 
will  keep  her  mind  pure,  and  carefully  observe 
and  be  guided  by  her  first  impressions  of  char- 


CHARACTER    OF    MALE    VISITORS. 


147 


i  t 


acter,  will  not  be  in  much  danger  of  making  the 
acquaintance  of  young  men  of  bad  moral  prin- 
ciples. 

But  this  test  is  not  always  practicable,  and, 
from  many  causes  not  necessary  to  be  explained 
here,  not  always  to  be  relied  upon.  Nor  will 
the  dislikes  and  prejudices  of  a  young  lady,  as 
they  will  be  called,  always  be  considered  by  her 
friends  sufficient  reasons  for  her  declining  the 
visits  of  certain  young  men  who  to  them  seem 
very  unexceptionable. 

If  she  have  brothers,  their  unfavorable  opinion 
of  a  young  man,  even  if  no  allegations  are  made 
against  him,  should  generally  be  considered  by 
a  young  lady  a  sufficient  reason  for  keeping  him 
at  a  distance.  Her  brothers  have  opportunities 
of  knowing  more  about  young  men  than  she  pos- 
sibly has ;  for  amongst  young  men,  the  habits 
and  principles  of  each  other  are  pretty  well 
known.,  If  she  be  in  doubt,  let  her  ask  her 
mother's  opinion ;  and  sufficient  evidence  to 
warrant  a  young  man's  encouragement  or  re- 
pulsion as  a  visitor,  will,  in  most  cases,  be  soon 
furnished. 

When  the  character  of  a  young  man  is  known 
to  be  bad,  —  if  he  have  betrayed  innocence, 
or  been  guilty  of  any  dishonorable  act,  —  let 
him  not,  on  any  consideration,  be  admitted    to 


148 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


a  visiting  acquaintance,  nor,  even  in  public  as- 
semblies, noticed,  except  with  coldness  and  for- 
mality. His  family  connections,  his  education, 
manners,  polish,  intelligence,  or  ability  to  enter- 
tain, should  be  considered  as  nothing  when  put 
in  the  scale  against  his  evil  principles,  and  the 
irreparable  wrong  he  has  done  in  society. 

It  has  always  been  a  matter  of  surprise  and 
regret  to  the  writer  to  s^e  so  different  a  custom 
from  this  prevailing  in  society ;  and  he  has  often 
been  led  to  question  the  purity  of  mind  of  those 
young  girls  who  seemed  so  eager  to  gain  the  notice 
and  return  the  attentions  of  certain  young  men, 
notorious  for  their  want  of  virtue.  Until  women 
themselves  mark  with  appropriate  condemnation 
the  known  vicious  conduct  of  young  men,  and 
rigidly  exclude  all  such  from  intimate  intercourse 
with  them,  they  suffer  the  moral  atmosphere 
around  them  to  remain  in  an  unhealthy  state ; 
and  its  respiration,  as  a  natural  consequence,  is 
detrimental  to  all  who  breathe  it. 

One  reason,  and  a  most  important  one,  why  a 
young  lady  should  not  admit  to  a  friendly  ac- 
quaintance any  young  man  whom  she  has  not 
the  very  best  reasons  for  believing  to  be  vir- 
tuous and  honorable,  is  this :  The  highest  and 
best,  and  therefore  the  happiest,  social  relation 
is  that  of  marriage.     A  young  lady  cannot  visit 


CHARACTER    OF    MALE    VISITORS. 


149 


young  men  for  the  purpose  of  making  a  selection 
of  a  husband :  she  has  to  remain  at  home  and 
wait  until  some  one  chooses  her  out  from  all  the 
rest,  ar)d  asks  her  to  become  his  partner  through 
life.     This  is   a  matter   in  which,  although  she 
must  remain  passive,  she  is  deeply  and  vitally 
interested;  and  she  cannot  but  desire  that  her 
hand    may   be    sought   by   one   who   has    every 
virtue   written  upon  his  heart.      To  accept  or 
reject    an   offer   of  marriage   is    always   in  her 
power,  and  this  right  she  should  exercise  with 
deliberation,    wisdom,    and    firmness.      It    will 
almost    always  follow,   that   he    who    seeks    her 
hand  will  be  of  those  who  have  been  for  a  time 
her  visiting  friends,  and  with  whom  she  has  been 
on  terms  of  more  unrestrained  intercourse  than 
with  any  others.     Viewed  in  this  light,  the  im- 
portance of  not  admitting  any  but  men  of  known 
excellence   of  character  as  visiting  friends  will 
be  clearly  seen ;  for  it  may  happen,  that,  if  this 
rule   be  not  followed,  the  most  unsuitable,  be- 
cause the  most  unprincipled  of  all,  may  be  the 
one  who  makes  the  offer  of  marriage ;  and  the 
young  woman  thus  addressed   may  be  led,  from 
being  flattered  by  the  preference  and  dazzled  by 
a  specious   exterior,  to  forget  or  disbelieve  the 
common  estimation  in  which  he  is  every  where 
13* 


V 


150 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


held,  and  accept  an  offer  that  may  entail  upon 
her  a  lifetime  of  regrets,  perhaps  of  misery. 

It  will,  likewise,  almost  always  happen  that  a 
young  lady  will  be  judged  of  by  the  company  she 
keeps.  A  man  of  strict  integrity  and  virtue  will 
be  very  apt  to  think  lightly  of  any  one  at  whose 
house  he  meets  a  person  that  he  knows  to  be  bad, 
especially  if  he  seem  to  be  on  good  terms  there ; 
and  he  will  also  be  very  apt  to  visit  less  fre- 
quently than  would  otherwise  be  the  case. 
Thus,  for  want  of  sufficient  firmness,  it  may  be, 
to  repel  the  advances  of  a  bad  man,  a  young  lady 
may  have  to  give  up  the  benefits  of  the  society 
of  a  good  man  — a  consequence  that  she  should 
be  most  careful  to  avoid. 

In  selecting  from  her  casual  acquaintances 
those  that  she  feels  willing  and  desirous  of  ad- 
mitting to  the  privilege  of  visiting  her  on  terms 
of  social  intimacy,  a  young  lady  should  be  care- 
ful that  brilliant  qualities  of  mind,  a  cultivated 
taste,  and  superior  conversational  powers,  do  not 
overcome  her  virtuous  repugnance  to  base  prin- 
ciples and  a  depraved  life ;  or  cause  her  to  forget 
that  these  may  exist  under  the  most  polished 
exterior.  Those  who  possess  sterling  qualities 
of  mind  are  not  always  as  highly  gifted  as  some- 
other,  and  often,  at  first,  seem  very  dull  and  very 
uninteresting   persons.      Their  silent  and  close 


CHARACTER  OF  MALE  VISITORS. 


151 


observation  of  all  that  is  passing  around  them 
is  not  unfrequently  mistaken  for  dulness,  when, 
at  the  very  time  this  false  estimation  of  them  has 
been  formed,  they  have  read  thoroughly,  and 
without  mistaking  a  letter,  the  whole  characters 
of  those  who  had  misjudged  them.  No  matter 
how  well  educated  a  young  man  may  be,  nor 
how  varied  may  be  his  powers  of  entertainment, 
no  young  lady  should  permit  him  to  visit  her  fa- 
miliarly, if  she  have  undoubted  evidence  of  his 
moral  depravity.  There  is  pollution  in  the  very 
atmosphere  that  surrounds  him.  The  more 
attractive  his  exterior,  the  more  dangerous  he 
is  as  a  companion  for  a  young  and  inexperienced 
girl,  and  the  more  likely  to  dazzle  and  bewilder 
her  mind,  and  give  her  false  estimates  of  things 
where  true  estimates  are  of  the  very  first  im- 
portance. 

A  young  lady  who  admits  to  her  acquaintance 
a  v/ell-educated,  polished,  accomplished,  but  cold- 
hearted,  unprincipled  man  of  the  world,  has 
placed  herself  in  a  dangerous  position.  She  is 
no  equal  for  such  a  one.  He  can,  with  a  subtlety 
almost  beyond  the  power  of  her  detection,  change 
her  ordinary  views  of  things,  confuse  her  judg- 
ment, and  destroy  her  rational  confidence  in  the 
discriminating  powers  of  her  own  mind;  at  the 
same  time  that,  by  the  most  judicious  and  del- 


152  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

icately-offered  flattery,  he  keeps  her  always  in  a 
good  opinion  of  herself.  All  this  may  be  done 
without  his  having  any  particular  design  in  view. 
He  is  fond  of  the  company  of  ladies,  and,  while 
with  them,  from  the  abundance  of  his  heart  will 
utterance  come  forth. 

In  choosing  her  acquaintances,  then,  let  a 
young  lady  look  to  good  sense,  good  taste,  and 
good  principles,  rather  than  to  brilliancy  of  ex- 
terior without  these.  In  doing  so,  she  will  find 
more  upon  which  to  base  a  true,  improving,  ele- 
vating, and  refining  companionship,  than  if  she 
select  from  a  different  but  more  imposing  class. 


CHAPTER   XVI. 

RECEIVING    ATTENTIONS    FROM    MEN. 

As  there  is  always  danger  of  misunderstanding 
what  is  meant  by  the  particular  attentions  of 
young  men,  it  is  best  to  attach  no  partic- 
ular meaning  to  them  whatever,  but  to  hold  the 
mind  in  a  state  of  rational  equilibrium.  If  a 
young  girl  do  not  think  about  marriage  and  a 
lover,  she  wilf  not  be  in  much  danger  of  misin- 


RECEIVING    ATTENTIONS    FROM    MEN. 


153 


terpreting  either  the  words  or  manner  of  her 
male  acquaintances,  nor  will  they  be  in  much 
danger  of  making  mistakes  as  to  the  character  of 
her  regard  for  them. 

In  the  free,  social  intercourse  of  a  young  lady 
with  her  friends  of  the  other  sex,  the  idea  of 
love,  or  a  particular  preference  of  one  over  the 
other,  should  never  be  permitted  to  enter  her 
mind.  She  should  look  upon  them  as  her  intel- 
ligent friends,  and  feel  that  their  association  was 
for  mutual  advantage  in  elevating  the  mind,  im- 
proving the  taste,  and  strengthening  the  moral 
principles. 

It  will  frequently  happen,  however,  that  some 
of  her  acquaintances  will  be  more  marked  in  their 
attentions  than  the  rest,  and,  from  the  privilege 
of  being  occasional  visitors,  seek  to  establish  a 
still  more  familiar  and  unreserved  intercourse. 
This  will  be  shown,  it  may  be,  in  the  offer  of 
presents,  and  in  invitations  to  attend  balls,  the 
theatre,  a  concert,  or  some  other  place  of  public 
resort.  In  regard  to  presents,  a  lady  of  much 
good  sense  and  true  discernment  has  thus 
written  :  "  Accepting  presents  from  gentlemen 
is  a  dangerous  thing.  Some  men  conclude  from 
your  taking  one  gift  that  you  will  accept  another, 
and  think  themselves  encouraged  by  it  to  offer 
their  hearts  to  you  ;  but,  even  when  no  misap- 


154  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

prehension  of  this  kind  follows,  it  is  better  to 
avoid  every  such  obligation ;  and,  if  you  make  it 
a  general  rule  never  to  accept  a  present  from  a 
gentleman,  you  will  avoid  hurting  any  one's 
feelings,  and  save  yourself  from  all  further  per- 
plexity. Where  ladies  are  known  to  be  in  the 
habit  of  refusing  presents,  and  yet  are  objects  of 
great  admiration  and  devotion,  they  will  often 
receive  anonymous  gifts,  which  it  is  impossible 
to  elude.  When  this  is  the  case,  it  is  a  good 
way  to  put  them  by,  out  of  sight,  and  never  to 
mention  them.  The  pleasure  of  seeing  them  on 
your  table,  and  hearing  them  talked  about,  and 
the  donor's  name  speculated  upon,  is  often  suf- 
ficient to  induce  a  repetition  of  the  anonymous 
deed,  or  an  acknowledgment  of  it,  which  is  very 
embarrassing,  as  you  must  either  break  your 
rule,  or  hurt  the  feelings  of  the  donor.  Of  all 
the  votive  offerings  made  to  the  young  and  the 
fair,  flowers  are  the  most  beautiful  and  most 
unexceptionable.  Where  it  is  the  fashion  for 
gentlemen  to  present  bouquets  to  their  female 
friends,  so  many  are  given  that  it  seems  more 
like  a  tribute  to  the  sex,  than  a  mark  of  partic- 
ular regard,  and  their  perishable  nature  exempts 


j  them   from  the    ban   put    upon    more    enduring  ' 

memorials.     You   can  accept  and  wear   flowers 

without  committing  yourself,  and  to  refuse  them 


RECEIVING    ATTENTIONS    FROM    MEN.        155 

would  be  unnecessary  rigor.  If  any  peculiar 
circumstance  make  you  desirous  of  distancing  a 
gentleman,  you  can  take  the  flowers  without 
wearing  them." 

In  regard  to  invitations  from  young  men  to  go 
with  them  to  places  of  public  amusement,  we 
think,  as  a  general  rule,  they  should  be  declined. 
And  this  for  several  reasons.  We  do  not  believe 
any  young  lady  should  appear  at  a  ball,  the 
theatre,  or  concert,  except  in  company  with  her 
parents,  brother,  cousin,  or  some  very  intimate 
friend  of  the  family,  unless  she  be  under  engage- 
ment of  marriage,  and  then  her  lover  becomes 
her  legitimate  protector  and  companion.  In  the 
first  place,  to  accept  of  such  attentions  would  be 
for  a  young  lady  to  lay  herself  under  an  obliga- 
tion that  might,  at  some  after  period,  be  very 
embarrassing,  or  so  interfere  with  her  feelings 
of  independence,  as  to  make  it  difficult  for  her 
to  act  towards  an  individual,  who  had  thus  sought 
to  gratify  her,  as  both  feeling  and  judgment  dic- 
tated; and  in  the  second  place,  her  thus  ap- 
pearing in  public  with  a  young  man  known  not 
to  be  an  intimate  friend  of  the  family,  would 
naturally  give  rise  to  the  belief  that  she  enter- 
tained for  him  a  preference  that  did  not  exist, 
and  thus  place  her  in  a  false  light  in  the  eyes  of 
her    acquaintances;    and    this   would  more  cer- 


156  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 

tainly  be  the  case,  if  some  other  friend,  whose 
invitation  she  felt  compelled  to  decline,  were  to 
offer  a  like  attention. 

If  a  young  lady  is  fond  of  riding  on  horseback, 
and  among  her  male  acquaintances  are  those 
who  are  equally  fond  of  the  healthful  exercise, 
there  will  be  no  impropriety  in  her  accepting  an 
invitation  to  ride,  if  one  or  more  young  ladies 
are  to  be  of  the  company.  But,  in  doing  so,  she 
should  make  it  a  rule  always  to  have  the  horse 
she  is  to  ride  ordered  from  the  stable  by  a  ser- 
vant, at  her  own  or  father's  expense.  It  may  so 
happen  that  the  circumstances  of  a  young  lady's 
family  are  such,  that  the  hire  of  a  horse,  even 
occasionally,  is  a  matter  of  outlay  that  cannot 
be  afforded.  Where  this  is  the  case,  she  ought 
by  all  means  to  deny  herself  the  gratification  of 
riding  out,  rather  than  permit  any  3^oung  man,  not 
her  accepted  lover,  to  bear  the  expense. 

We  need  hardly  refer  to  the  outrageous  want 
of  all  decent  respect  for  herself,  that  would 
prompt  a  young  lady  to  invite,  by  adroit  ref- 
erences to  an  approaching  concert,  or  to  her 
extreme  fondness  for  horseback  exercise,  a 
young  man  to  be  at  the  cost  of  gratifying  the 
desire  she  feels  to  participate  in  these,  or  in  any 
other  pleasures.  And  yet  such  things  are  of 
too  frequent  occurrence,  and  among  those  who 


RECEIVING    ATTENTIONS    FROM    MEN. 


157 


ought  to  have  much  better  sense,  and  more  mod- 
esty, than  to  even  desire  to  be  the  companions  of 
young  men  not  entitled  to  the  privilege,  on  such 
occasions.  Those  who  do  it  gain  the  pleasure 
of  present  gratification  at  the  expense  of  dimin- 
ished respect  in  the  eyes  of  the  very  men  who 
seemed  to  take  so  much  delight  in  obliging  them. 
But  little  flattered  would  a  young  lady,  who  had 
been  guilty  of  so  flagrant  a  violation  of  good 
sense,  good  manners,  and  politeness,  feel,  to 
overhear  a  conversation  like  this  :  — 

"  Didn't  I  see  you  at  Hertz's  concert  with 
Caroline  T ?  " 

*'Yes." 

*'  How  in  the  world  came  you  to  have  that 
honor  ?  " 

The  young  man  addressed  shrugs  his  shoul- 
ders and  arches  his  eyebrows,  but  makes  no 
reply. 

"How  was  it,  Harry?  Tell  me!  I  had  no 
idea  of  your  being  particularly  taken  in  that 
quarter." 

'*  Nor  am  I  very  much  taken.  The  fact  is,  I 
couldn't  help  myself" 

''Indeed!" 

"  No,  the  gypsy  asked  me  to  take  her,  and  1 
couldn't  refuse,  of  course." 
/  14 


IdS 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


"  O,  no,  Harry !  That  can't  be.  Caroline 
T would  hardly  do  that." 

"  She  could,  and  she  did.  Not,  it  is  true,  in 
so  many  words;  but  she  talked  about  Hertz  in 
such  a  way  that  she  left  nie  no  alternative  but  to 
ask  her  if  I  should  not  have  the  pleasure  of 
accompanying  her  to  his  concert.  I  was  in 
hopes  she  would  have  the  good  taste,  on  reflec- 
tion, to  decline ;  but  no,  she  took  me  up  on  the 
spot ;  and  I  was  compelled  to  go  with  her,  and 
leave  my  sister  Jane,  who  is  almost  dying  to  hear 
this  great  performer,  at  home." 

"  Is  it  possible  !  Why,  I  never  heard  of  such 
a  thing.  The  girl  cannot  have  a  particle  of 
respect  for  herself" 

"  If  she  has,  it  is  a  very  strange  kind  of  re- 
spect. I  wonder  whom  she  will  get  to  take  her 
to  Sivori's  concert.  She  alluded  to  him  two  or 
three  times,  but  couldn't  make  me  understand 
her.     Suppose  you  invite  her  to  go." 

"  O,  no,  I  thank  you.  I'd  rather  be  excused. 
I'm  not  at  all  ambitious  of  the  honor." 

"Nor  I.  The  next  time  I  am  in  her  com- 
pany, and  any  allusion  is  made  to  an  approaching 
concert,  I  will  change  the  subject." 

But  little  flattered,  we  repeat,  would  any 
young  lady  feel  to  overhear  a  conversation  like 


RECEIVING    ATTENTIONS    FROM    MEN.         159 


this,  of  which  she  was  the  subject ;  and  yet  this 
is  precisely  the  light  in  which  conduct  such  as 
we  now  allude  to  is  viewed,  und  young  men  do 
not  hesitate  to  speak  of  it,  among  each  other,  in 
even  stronger  terms  than  we  have  given. 

Before  a  young  lady  reaches  the  age  of  twenty 
years,  she  should,  as  a  general  rule,  discourage 
all  particular  attentions  from  young  men,  and  en- 
deavor to  hold  her  mind  as  balanced  and  inde- 
pendent in  regard  to  all  her  male  acquaintances  as 
possible.  The  subject  of  marriage,  except  as  an 
abstract  question  upon  which  certain  opinions  are 
held,  should  never  be*allovved  to  come  up  when 
thinking  of,  or  in  company  with,  her  young  friends 
and  acquaintances.  To  have  a  lover  before  she  is 
twenty,  is,  in  most  cases,  a  misfortune  for  a  young 
girl.  In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  this  lover  is  not 
the  one  that  would  be  accepted  if  the  affections 
were  free  at  twenty  or  twenty-one.  The  love  of 
boys  and  girls  is  never  founded  upon  a  true  basis, 
but  is  merely  the  offspring  of  blind  passion.  It 
may  turn  out  well.  The  parties,  when  their  minds 
expand,  and  they  become  men  and  women,  may 
be  exactly  suited  to  each  other  ;  but  the  chances 
are  altogether  against  it.  Nor  is  the  love  of  a 
man,  whose  mind  has  attained  maturity,  for  a 
girl  who  is  still  too  young  to  accept  wisely  an  offer 
of  marriage,  a  love   that  promises  happiness    as 


160 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES, 


the  fruit.  He  cannot  know  her  as  a  man  ought 
to  know  the  woman  who  becomes  his  wife,  nor 
can  she  possibly  know  him  as  a  woman  ought  to 
know  the  man  she  marries.  Viewing  the  matter, 
then,  in  any  light  you  please,  the  acceptance  of  a 
lover  before  twenty  involves  a  great  risk. 

If  to  accept  a  lover  before  this  age  be,  then,  a 
hazardous  thing,  the  permission  of  any  marked 
attentions  from  any  particular  young  man  is  un- 
wise. Better  treat  all  alike,  and  endeavor  to  feel 
for  all  alike;  that  is,  as  nearly  as  it  can  be  done. 
Of  course  there  must  and  will  be  preferences; 
but  let  these  be  the  preferences  of  your  taste  and 
judgment,  not  of  your  heart.  Thus,  holding  your 
affections  free  at  this  most  important  age,  when 
the  mind  is  first  looking  out  intelligently  upon 
the  world,  you  will  acquire  a  clearness  of  mental 
vision,  a  power  of  discrimination,  and  an  insight 
into  character,  otherwise  unattainable.  But,  if 
you  permit  yourself  to  fall  in  love,  the  balance  of 
your  mind  is  gone ;  you  see  nothing,  you  hear  noth- 
ing, you  feel  nothing,  that  does  not  in  some  way 
connect  itself  with  the  object  of  your  affections. 
All  improvement  of  the  mind  ceases;  the  judg- 
ment, not  yet  arrived  at  its  full  stature,  ceases  to 
grow,  and  hardens  into  a  diminutive  form ;  your 
powers  of  discrimination  expand  no  farther.  You 
stop  where  you  are,  and  rarely,  if  ever,  make  a 


EARLY    MARRIAGES. 


161 


woman  whos^  influence  in  society  is  beneficially 
perceived.  This  is  blind  love  —  a  very  different 
thing  from  the  strong,  deep,  intelligent  affection 
of  a  true  woman.  How  any  man  can  be  satisfied 
with  the  immature  love  of  a  silly  young  girl  is  be- 
yond our  conception.  Indeed,  we  do  not  believe, 
as  a  general  thina,  that  a  man  who  is  thus  satisfied 
is  worthy  of  the  affections  he  seeks  to  gain. 


CHAPTER   XVH. 


EARLY    MARRIAGES. 


On  the  subject  of  early  marriages,  a  diversity 
of  opinions  prevails ;  and  they  generally  vibrate, 
like  the  pendulum  of  a  clock,  from  one  extreme 
to  the  other.  A  young  lady  will  hear  some  one 
strongly  advocate  early  marriages  to-day,  and 
to-morrow  hear  an  opposite  opinion  advanced  and 
vigorously  maintained.  It  is  but  rarely  the  case 
that  those  who  enter  into  these  discussions  really 
understand  the  subject  of  marriage,  and  therefore 
cannot  declare  what  is  absolutely  true  on  this 
disputed  question.  And,  besides,  what  one 
means  by  early  marriage  is  a  different  thing  from 
14*      . 


-i! 


162 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


what  another  means.  In  most  cases,  these  opin- 
ions are  based  upon  the  evil  or  good  that  has 
happened  to  result  from  what  are  considered 
early  marriages,  in  instances  that  have  fallen 
under  the  notice  of  those  who  adVocate  or  con- 
demn, instead  of  flowing  from  a  knowledge  of 
the  true  laws  that  ought  to  govern  in  marriage. 

The  writer  is  an  advocate  of  early  marriages 
between  men  and  women  —  not  between  boys 
and  girls.  That  which  makes  man  truly  a  man, 
and  woman  truly  a  woman,  is  rationality  —  not 
the  legal  age.  Freedom  from  the  restraints  of 
youth,  and  an  acquirement  of  the  legal  rights  of 
majority,  are  very  far  from  giving  this.  It  comes 
from  experience,  to  which  have  been  added  think- 
incr  and  observation.  Nothincr  is  seen  in  its  true 
aspect  when  we  first  enter  upon  life ;  and  it  is 
only  after  our  judgments  have  been  matured  by 
a  few  years  of  experience,  that  we  can  really  see 
things  around  us  in  their  true  relation  one  to  the 
other.  A  few  years,  too,  makes  us  see  not  only 
deeper  into  what  is  without  us,  but  also  into 
what  is  within  us  ;  and  scarcely  a  month  of  this 
period  passes  without  our  being  led  to  correct 
some  error  or  misconception  into  which  we  had 
fallen.  If,  during  this  period,  mistakes  are  con- 
stantly made  in  matters  of  trivial  importance,  what 
security  is  there  that  a  mistake  will  not  be  made 


EARLY    MARRIAGES. 


163 


in  that  most  important  of  all  the  acts  of  a  wo- 
man's life  —  marriage?  There  is  none,  and  the 
fact  that  the  saddest  possible  mistakes  aro  made 
almost  every  day,  ought  to  warn,  if  proper  reflec- 
tion will  not,  a  young  lady  against  the  error  of 
permitting  her  affections  to  be  drawn  out  before 
at  least  two  years  have  passed  from  the  time  of 
her  leaving  school  as  a  young  woman.  Usually, 
she  has  it  in  her  power  to  do  this. 

Marriage  from  the  age  of  twenty  to  twenty- 
two  or  three,  we  think  an  early  marriage  for  a 
woman,  and  believe  that  evils  almost  always  arise 
from  an  earlier  consummation  of  a  marriage  con- 
tract. Mr.  Combe  is  of  opinion,  "  that  many 
young  people  of  both  sexes  fall  sacrifices  to  early 
marriages,  who  might  have  withstood  the  ordinary 
risks  of  life,  and  lived  together  in  happiness,  if 
they  had  delayed  their  union  for  a  few  years,  and 
allowed  time  for  the  consolidation  of  their  consti- 
tutions." And  this  must  strike  every  reflecting 
mind  as  true,  without  the  necessity  of  looking 
round  to  see  the  hundreds  of  young  mothers  with 
shattered  constitutions,  lingering  over  the  grave, 
or  sinking  down  into  its  chilling  precincts. 
Neither  physical  nor  mental  health  can  follow  a 
marriage  that  takes  place  too  early.  It  is  almost 
impossible  to  make  a  right  choice,  and  the  consti- 


164 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


tutioii  is    not   well   enough    formed  to  bear    the 
great  physical  changes  that  usually  occur. 

If^oun^  ladies  would  learn  to  think  above  the 
fact  of  marriaore,  and  not  consider  it  a  state  in 
which  they  were  merely  to  find  the  highest  possi- 
ble delight  attainable  on  earth,  but  a  state  in 
which  they  could  be  most  useful,  and  impart 
blessings  and  dispense  happiness  to  otherSj  they, 
would  not  rush  so  thoughtlessly  into  this  impor- 
tant relation,  but  would  be  very  sure  that  what 
Hiey  loved  in  another  was  really  worth  loving^ 
and  til  at  fhey  were  loved  in  return  for  their  men- 
tal and  m(^al  qualities,  aiid  not  .merely  for  their 
persgn. 

I'rue  love  —  that  which  abides  —  has  its  founda- 
tion in  a  knowledge  and  appreciation  of  moral 
qualities.  These  cannot  be  known  without  the 
power  of  discerning  them,  and  this  power  is 
not  sufficiently  developed,  in  very  young  persons, 
to  enable  them  to  decide  upc^  the  fitness  of 
another  to  becom.e  a  wife  or  a  husband.  Fam- 
ily connections,  talents,  beauty  of  person,  and 
exterior  grace,  may  all  be  decided  upon ;  but 
other  qualifications  are  required  —  without  which 
marriage  is  only  an  external  union  —  that  call  for 
a  deeper  discrimination  than  any  one  possesses  in 
the  first  years  of  his  or  her  majority. 

Too  early  marriages,  from  the  causes  briefly 


EARLY    MARRIAGE. 


165 


alluded  to  here,  are  productive  of  much  unhappi- 
ness.     From  their  bewildering  dream,  a  young 
couple,  who  have  unwisely  rushed  into  marriage 
before  either  of  them  was  old  enough  really  to 
understand    what  love    meant,  not    unfrequently 
awake,  in  the  course  of  a  very  short  time,  to  the 
painful    consciousness    that    they    have    wedded 
unwisely.     If  in  the  mind  of  each  is  a  ground- 
work of  good  sense  and  good  feeling,  the  conse- 
quences   may   not   be    so    very    bad,    although 
through  life  there  will  be  times  when  each  will 
deeply  and  sadly  regret  their  early  act  of  folly. 
But  in  numerous  cases,  either  in  one  or  the  other, 
there  exists    a  peculiarity  of  temperament   that 
entirely  mars  the  happiness  of  both.     Open  dis- 
agreements or    secret  bickerings  turn    the  holy 
and  happy  state  of  marriage  into   a  condition  of 
inexpressible  misery,  the  larger  share  of  which 
usually  falls  upon    the    head    of  the    one   least 
able  to  bear  it  — the    wife.     Or    actual    hatred 
of  one  towards  the  other  is  engendered,  and  they 
are  driven   asunder,  and  stand   in   socj^ety  as  the 
disfigured  and  disfiguring  mementoes  of  the  folly 
of  a  too  percipitate  marriage. 

When,  however,  a  young  lady  has  reached  the 
age  we  have  named,  and  a  man,  known  to  be 
virtuous  and  honorable,  has  formally  offered 
her  his  hand,  and  been  accepted,  the  marriage 


166        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

ought  not  long  to  be  delayed,  if  no  impediment 
exist,  such  as  inability  on  the  part  of  the  young 
man  to  support  a  wife. 

Among  the  reasons  that  have  been  urged 
against  a  young  lady's  contracting  marriage  im- 
mediately^  is  the  following  by  Mrs.  Farrar,  whicS 
is  well  worth  considering.  She  says,  "  The 
married  school-girl  deprives  herself  of  a  most 
delightful  and'useful  stage  in  her  existence  —  that 
of  a  grown-up  daughter,  maturing  under  the  eye 
of  a  mother,  and  the  influence  of  a  home  circle, 
ivltTi  time  enough  for  mental  culturCj  and  a  use- 
ful experience  of  domestic  affairs,  without  the 
care"  which  belongs  to  the  inistress  of  a  family. 
i  She  loses  all   the   varied  pleasures  of  a  young 

lady,  and  skips  at  once  from  childhood  to  mar- 
ried life.  Early  marriage  also  prevents  the  liter- 
ary education  ofli'girt  being  carried  far  enougH 
for  it  to  go  forward  easily,  amid  the  cares  of  a 
family,  and  therefore  it  oftjea^e^sgs^ altogether ; 
in  a  few  years,  she  loses  what  little  she  acg^uired 
at  school^  and  degenerates  into  ^a  mere  house- 
keeper and  nurse."  *  *  *  <«  I  would  fain 
l)ene\^e"that  I  am  writing  for  a  class  of  ladies-too 
young  to  need  much  advice  upon  that,  [love  and 
marriage;]  and  though  I  occasionally  hear  of 
school-girls  whd  forfeit  the  privileges  and  pleas- 
ures of  being  grown-up  young  ladies,  and  jump 


o  .-, 


MARRIAGE. 


167 


at  once  into  the  cares  of  married  life,  I  trust 
that  increased  knowledge  and  wisdom,  on  the 
part  of  the  young  and  old,  will  prevent  such  im- 
mature marriages,  and  give  women  an  opportu- 
nity of  being  more  fully  developed  in  body  and 
mind,  before  they  subject  either  to  the  severe 
trials  which  belong  to  wives  and  mothers  " 


CHAPTER   XVIII. 


MARRIAGE. 


This  is  a  subject  upon  which  a  great  deal  has 
been  written  and  a  great  deal  thought :  but  the 
world  is  yet  very  slow  in  perceiving  and  adopting 
what  is  true  in  relation  to  it;  and  such  will  con- 
tinue to  be  the  case  until  this  important  law  is 
clearly  understood  and  acknowledged,  viz. :  that 
the  end  for  which  a  thing  is  done  gives  quality 
to    the   act.      Whoever  marries   without  having 

o 

just  ideas  of  so  important  a  relation,  runs  great 
danger  of  committing  an  error  that  will  render 
turbid  for  life  all  the  well-springs  of  her  happi- 
ness. This  being  the  case,  we  ask  of  our  fair 
young  friends  to  consider  deeply   what  we  shall 


168 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


say  in  this  chapter,  and  endeavor  to  comprehend 
it  fully. 

The  law  just  stated  —  that  the  end  for  which  a 
thing  is  done  qualifies  the  act  —  is  one  that  ap- 
plies with  particular  force  to  marriage.  Marriage 
is  a  divine  institution,  ordained  for  the  highest 
purposes;  and  a  marriage  contract  between  two 
persons  is  the  most  important  and  solemn  act  of 
their  whole  lives ;  for  it  not  only  effects  a  change 
in  things  outward,  but  also  in  things  appertaining 
to  the  spirit,  for  it  brings  into  a  relationship  the 
most  intimate  possible  two  minds,  that,  if  they  do 
not  harmonize,  must  act  upon  and  react  against 
each  other  with  a  disturbing  force  that  neces- 
sarily precludes  the  soul's  true  development  and 
perfection.  Now.  unless  the  end  for  which  a 
marriage  contract  is  formed  be  a  right  end,  the 
marriage  cannot  be  a  happy  one ;  and  just  in 
the  degree  that  the  end  has  been  selfish,  and 
has  regarded  things  external,  as  wealth,  con- 
nections, beauty,  or  other  mere  personal  attrac- 
tions, so  far  will  unhappiness  be  the  result. 

To  make  this  plainly  apparent,  let  us  suppose 
that  a  young  lady  is  attracted  by  the  brilliant 
talents  of, the  man  who  addresses  her,  and  that 
he  is  more  attracted  by  her  beauty  of  person,  or 
the  Wealth  she  inherits,  than  by  her  virtues. 
Now,  both  of  these  reasons  for  loving  (we  should 


MARRIAGE. 


169 


rather  say  for  a  preference,  for  there  is  no  love 
in  the  question)  are  merely  selfish.  The  lady 
does  not  desire  a  union  with  the  man  because 
she  loves  the  moral  perfections  of  his  character, 
and  seeks  to  become  one  with  him;  but  her  pride, 
overshadowing  all  such  holy  considerations, 
seeks  to  unite  her  name  with  his  that  she  may 
stand  higher  in  the  world's  estimation.  That 
this  is  so  will  be  plain  to  any  one  who  will  think 
calmly  on  the  subject.  On  the  other  hand,  the 
man  does  not  seek  a  union  with  her  because 
he  regards  marriage  with  a  high  and  sacred 
regard,  as  a  means  whereby  a  pure,  virtuous,  and 
loving  spirit  may  become  blended  as  one  with  his 
own,  and  both  be  more  perfected  by  the  union ; 
he  does  not  love  her  because  she  imbodies  the 
very  virtues  and  perfections  that  seem  purest  and 
best  in  his  eyes.  No !  He  wants  more  money 
than  he  has  yet  been  able  to  possess,  and,  loving 
money  better  than  any  thing  else,  he  takes  her 
because  she  has  enough  of  this  valuable  com- 
modity to  satisfy  to  some  extent  his  cupidity. 
Or,  having  an  admiration  for  beauty,  and  vanity 
enough  to  consider  the  eclat  attached  to  a  beau- 
tiful wife  as  something  desirable,  he  is  guided  in 
his  choice  by  beauty  alone,  unregardful  of  the 
more  important  qualifications  necessary  to  make 
a  woman  his  true  and  loving  companion. 
15 


170 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


Here,  it  will  be  seen  that  the  end  which  each 
had  in  view  has  given  quality  to  the  act  of  each. 
The  choice  has  been  made  to  rest  on  external 
considerations  alone,  and  must  be  productive  of 
disappointment  and  consequent  unhappiness.  It 
will  take  but  a  short  time  for  the  lady  to  make 
the  sad  discovery,  that  the  brilliant  reputation  of 
her  husband  is  no  compensation  for  a  morose 
temper,  a  love  of  dissipation,  indifference  to 
his  wife,  captiousness,  want  of  principle,  or,  even 
worse,  infidelity.  Nor  will  it  take  him  long  to 
tire  of  her  beauty,  or  to  discover  that,  now  he 
has  full  possession  of  her  property,  her  person  is 
of  little  value. 

This  is  presenting  an  extreme  case ;  yet  such 
are  every  day  occurring.  In  most  cases  of  mar- 
riage, even  when  selfish  considerations  like  these 
are  predominant,  there  is  yet  in  the  parties  suffi- 
cient good  sense  to  be  aware  that  indifference  to 
qualities  of  mind  is  an  error  that  might  prove 
fatal  to  happiness ;  and  therefore  th&y  are  careful 
to  see  that  in  those  who  possess  the  main  pre- 
requisites, there  are  no  faults  or  peculiarities  of 
character  that  could  not  well  be  borne.  These 
marriages  prove  unhappy  just  in  the  degree  that 
the  leading  end  was  of  a  selfish  and  external  char- 
acter ;  but  the  good  sense  that  prompted  some 
regard  to  qualities  of  mind,  shows    itself  after- 


MARRIAGE. 


171 


wards  in  an  effort  to  make  the  very  best  of  a  bad 
bargain.  Although  the  parties  never  know,  by 
experience,  what  trae  felicity  flows  from  a  true 
marriage,  they,  nevertheless,  in  most  cases,  man- 
age to  get  along  as  comfortably  as  possible,  and 
avoid,  as  far  as  it  can  be  done,  all  bickerings  and 
collisions,  for  the  sake  of  peace,  their  reputation, 
or  their  children. 

But,  where  qualities  of  mind  are  considered 
the  first  essential  of  marriage,  and  where  it  is 
entered  into  with  all  external  things  regarded  as 
subordinate,  from  a  pure  love  of  the  moral  beauty 
of  the  one  with  whom  a  union  is  about  to  be 
formed,  happiness  must  flow  as  a  natural  conse- 
quence. This  result,  however,  carmot  follow, 
unless  both  be  influenced  by  right  ends ;  and  it 
is,  therefore,  of  as  much  consequence  to  a 
young  lady,  that  he  who  seeks  her  hand  should 
do  so  from  right  motives,  as  that  she  should 
accept  him  from  right  motives.  To  be  as  well 
assured  of  the  purity  of  her  lover's  ends  as 
her  own,  she  will  find  to  be  a  matter  of  some 
difficulty.  But,  until  all  reasonable  doubts  on 
the  subject-  are  removed,  she  should  hesitate 
about  accepting  his  offer  of  marriage;  for  to  do 
so  would  be  running  a  risk  greater  than  any 
young  lady  should  incur.  If,  from  evidence 
not   to    be    questioned,    a    young   lady   is   fully 


172 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


satisfied  that  only  for  her  wealth,  connections^ 
beauty,  accpmpHshmeritSj  or  personal  attractions, 
and  not  for  something  within  her  which  is  loved 
independent  of  these,  her  hand  is  sought  in  mar- 
riage, she  should  reject  the  overture  at  no  matter 
what  cost  of  feeling  to  herself;  for  this  will  be 
a  slight  thing  indeed,  compared  to  the  suffering 
which  such  a  marriage  might  entail  upon  her. 
All  these  are  unstable  attractions;  but  qualities 
of  mind  are  enduring,  and  grow  brighter  and  in- 
crease in  power  with  the  lapse  of  years.  And 
besides,  what  woman  of  right  feeling  would  think 
of  accepting  a  man  who  did  not  love  her,  but 
was  only  induced  to  offer  his  heartless  hand  in 
marriage,  in  order  that  he  might  gain  something 
from  the  union  more  desirable  to  his  sordid 
feelings  than  the  devotion  of  a  pure  and  loving 
heart  ? 

In  many  of  the  high-wrought  and  unnatural 
fictions  of  the  day,  which  are  the  offspring  of 
perverted  and  impure  minds,  or  of  such  as  are 
really  ignorant  of  what  love  is  in  its  essence  and 
true  activity,  we  often  find  an  innocent  and  pure- 
minded  woman  represented  as  loving,  with  a  de- 
votion little  less  than  idolatry,  a  man  whose  heart 
teems  with  evil  passions,  and  whose  life  is  little 
else  than  one  act  after  another  of  vice,  brutality, 
and  crime.     All  his  neglect,  outrage,  and  passion, 


MARRIAGE. 


173 


slie  bears  with  meek  endurance,  loving  on  with  a 
deeper  and  more  fervent  love  ;  and  she  is,  in  most 
cases,  at  last  rewarded  by  a  union  with  one  from 
whom  such  a  woman  as  she  is  said  to  be,  would 
slirink  in  disgust  and  horror.  This  union  is 
represented  as  the  high  reward  of  her  devotion, 
and  the  writer  generally  has  the  unblushing 
effrontery  to  tell  us  that  she  is  supremely  happy. 
As  well  could  an  angel  be  happy  in  the  arms  of 
a  spirit  from  the  bottomless  pit !  It  is  all  false  ! 
Such  things  never  take  place  as  represented. 
A  woman  may  love,  with  the  wild  passions  of  an 
impure  heart,  a  bold,  bad  man,  whose  brilliant  qual- 
ities iiave  dazzled  her  imagination,  and  caused 
it  to  gloss  over  his  evils  and  magnify  what  she  is 
pleased  to  call  his  generous  qualities  ;  she  may 
be  true  to  him,  amid  neglect,  outrage,  and 
wrong,  and  she  may  at  last  receive  her  reward, 
and  become  his  wife.  But  we  can  neither  ad- 
mire her  fidelity  nor  rejoice  in  her  reward,  for 
we  know  that  happiness  will  not  result  from  her 
marriage,  but  that  her  last  days  will  be  the  most 
wretched  of  her  life.  A  right-minded  woman  — 
one  with  a  pure  heart  and  a  clear  head  —  would 
rather  shrink  from  than  be  attracted  by  such  a 
man. 

These   pictures,   set   forth    often   in  the  most 
brilliant  and  attractive  colors,  do  much  to  mis- 


174 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


lead  the  young,  and  give  them  false  views  on  a 
subject  in  regard  to  which  every  thing  depends 
upon  their  having  the  clearest  perceptions.  The 
heroine  is  admired,  and  her  constancy  and  devo- 
tion believed  to  be  virtues  of  the  highest  order, 
and  worthy  of  imitation,  when  she  is  but  too 
often  the  mere  false  creation  of  a  corrupt  mind, 
and  has  no  counterpart  in  real  life,  because  she 
cannot  have.  From  this  fault  even  our  best 
novelists  are  not  wholly  free. 

True  love  is  not  a  wild,  strong,  fiery,  impetu- 
ous passion.  It  is,  on  the  contrary,  calm,  deep, 
and  clear-seeing.  It  is  attracted  by  qualities 
alone,  and  in  search  of  these  it  looks  through  all 
that  is  merely  external,  at  the  same  time  that  it 
sees  in  external  things  the  images  of  things  in- 
ternal. There  may  be  faults  of  character,  there 
may  be  external  defects,  there  may  be  much 
wanting  to  give  perfection  to  its  object ;  but  if 
the  ruling  ends  be  right,  and  if  there  be  nothing 
in  external  things  to  mar  and  destroy  the  true 
development  of  what  is  within,  and  if,  in  addi- 
tion to  all  this,  there  be  that  mysterious  attraction 
of  heart  for  heart  which  comes  from  above,  and 
guides  all  aright  who  will  wait  for  and  be  guided 
by  its  heavenly  influences,  then  it  finds  its  blest 
fruition,  but  not  till  then.  It  is  mere  passion 
that  loves  blindly  and  irrationally;  but  true  love 


MARRIAGE. 


175 


is  wise  and  discriminating,  and  its  devotion  more 
real  and  lasting. 

Marriage  without  such  love  is  no  marriage  at 
all.  It  is  merely  an  external  union,  from  external 
grounds,  and  cannot  be  expected  to,  as  it  never 
does,  yield  any  true  happiness.  Where  no  posi- 
tively bad  qualities  exist  in  those  who  have  con- 
tracted marriage  from  mere  external  considera- 
tions, it  not  unfrequently  happens  that  the  par- 
ties lead  quiet  and  orderly  lives,  and  seem  to 
enjoy  themselves  very  well,  and  imagine  that  they 
have  all  the  pleasures  attainable  in  the  conjugal 
state.  But  they  are  more  in  error  than  they 
imagine. 

In  the  chapter  on  the  "  Equality  of  the  Sexes," 
something  of  the  real  difference  between  man 
and  woman  was  shown ;  and  we  there  called  that 
difference  a  "uniting  difference."  In  the  ori- 
ginal creation  of  the  sexes,  God  designed  that  a 
union  should  take  place  between  them,  and  so 
organized  them,  spiritually,  that  such  a  union 
must  take  place,  or  both  would  be  imperfect,  and 
consequently  unhappy  ;  and  the  existence  of  the 
human  race  itself  was  made  to  depend  upon  this 
union.  Marriage  is,  therefore,  of  divine  ordina- 
tion, and  can  never  be  entered  into  properly, 
except  from  the  purest  and  the  highest  motives. 

But  enough  has  been  said,  we  would  fain  be- 


176 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


lieve,  to  make  any  young  lady  see  the  importance 
of  being  governed  by  right  ends  in  a  matter  in- 
volving so  deeply  as  this  does  her  best  and  dear- 
est interests. 

As  to  the  giving  of  any  particular  rules  by 
which  a  young  lady  is  to  square  her  conduct  in 
matters  of  the  heart,  we  neither  feel  inclined  to 
the  task  nor  competent  to  perform  it.  Our  lead- 
ing object  is,  to  give  such  general  principles  as 
w^ill  enable  each  one  for  herself  to  decide  upon  a 
right  course  of  action  in  a  matter  that  is  fraught 
with  consequences  of  such  vital  importance.  If 
a  young  lady  have  correct  views  on  the  subject 
of  marriage,  she  will  not  be  in  much  danger 
of  committing  any  serious  error.  We  would, 
however,  say,  that  in  all  cases  the  mother  ought 
to  be  fully  advised  of  the  state  of  her  daughter's 
affections.  This  is  due  to  her  relation,  her  ex- 
perience, and  her  deep  and  unselfish  love  for  her 
child.  Many  a  young  girl,  who  has  fully  con- 
fided every  thing  to  her  mother,  has  been  saved 
from  blindly  loving  one  who  had  been  able  to 
mislead  her  as  to  his  true  character,  but  could 
not  deceive  the  mother. 

When  an  offer  of  marriage  is  made,  whether  it 
come  unexpectedly  or  not,  it  should  neither  be 
accepted  nor  rejected  by  a  young  lady  without 
time  for  reflection,  and  a  reference  of  the  matter 


MARRIAGE. 


177 


to  her  parents,  or,  if  they  be  not  living,  to  some 
friend  whose  age  and  experience  give  her  the 
position  of  a  sound  adviser.  If  the  person  who 
makes  the  offer  is  not  considered  by  the  young 
lad^as^a  suit  able  partner,  let  her  firuAy  decline 
hmT,  no  matter  how  sbon^lj  TieJ  'paF^^ 
fnendTlTrge  a  different  course.  If,  on  the  con- 
trary^ she  approve  and  they  object,  let  her  se- 
riously consider  the  grouad  of  their  objections, 
and  if  they  stand  against  his  moral  character, 
and  are  undoubtedly  true,  let  her,  as  she  values 
their  happiness,  respect  their  objections.  But  if 
they  are  merely  extrinsic,  and  do  not  touch  his 
character  and  personal  fitness  to  make  her  hap- 
py, and  she  is  calmly  and  deeply  conscious  of 
loving  him  with  a  pure,  fervent,  and  undying  love, 
that  has  its  origin  in  a  knowledge  and  regard  for 
his  moral  excellences,  let  her  not  reject  his  offer. 
The  objections  of  her  parents  will  be  a  good 
reason  for  her  not  c(t  once  accepting  the  offer  ;  but 
this  reason  she  should  state  to  her  lover,  and  both 
should  be  content  to  wait  patiently,  if  it  be  even 
as  long  as  one  or  two  years,  in  the  hope  of  over- 
coming the  prejudices  that  exist,  before  deter- 
mining to  marry  against  the  wishes  of  her  friends. 
This  deference  to  their  objections  may  have  the 
effect  of  overcoming  them,  and  the  marriage  be 
allowed  to  take  place  with  their  fullest  sanction, 


178        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

without  which,  no  matter  how  much  she  may 
love  her  husband,  nor  how  worthy  he  may  be  of 
her  love,  a  wife  can  never  be  truly  happy. 

As  to  runaway  matches,  they  usually  turn  out 
the  worst.  Of  course,  there  are  many  exceptions 
to  this ;  but,  as  a  general  thing,  where  parents 
positively  forbid  their  daughter  to  keep  company 
with  a  young  man,  there  are  pretty  good  reasons 
for  it ;  and  if  the  daughter  be  mad  enough,  in  a 
moment  of  passion,  to  run  away  with  and  marry 
him,  she  generally  has  cause,  in  a  few  years, 
bitterly  to  repent  her  folly.  It  is  much  better  to 
wait  a  long  time,  in  the  hope  of  Overcoming  ob- 
jections, than  to  take  this  rash  and  generally  im- 
prudent step. 

The  position  of  an  heiress  is  almost  always  a 
difficult  and  dangerous  one.  There  are  a  great 
many  unprincipled  men  in  the  world,  who  seek 
to  better  their  fortunes  by  marriage,  and  who  are 
constantly  on  the  look-out  for  some  rich  young 
girl,  whose  affections  they  can  win,  and  thus 
acquire  a  fortune  without  the  labor  of  making  it 
themselves.  Some  of  these  persons  cultivate 
every  exterior  grace  of  body  and  mind,  with  no 
other  end  than  to  make  themselves  attractive  in 
the  eyes  of  the  other  sex,  and  render  more  cer- 
tain any  conquest  that  may  seem  to  them  worth 
makingr.     To  fall  a  victim  to  the  heartless  en- 


irARRIAGE. 


179 


ticenients  of  such  a  man,  would  be,  for  any  right- 
minded  young  woman,  a  sad  misfortune ;  for  hap- 
piness could  not  follow  her  union  with  him.  And 
it  is  not  to  be  concealed  that  her  danger  is  very 
great.  Money  is  so  convenient  and  desirable  a 
thing,  and  the  att?inment  of  it  by  marriage  so 
much  easier  than  earning  it,  that  in  a  day  when 
there  is  so  little  true  appreciation  of  marriage  as 
a  divine  and  holy  ordinance,  instituted  for  the 
highest  purposes  by  the  Creator,  as  there  is  at 
present,  the  temptation  for  young  men  to  seek  for 
wealth  in  a  union  with  some  one  who  possesses 
it,  is  very  great.  The  utterly  unprincipled  are 
not  alone  those  whose  regard  for  a  young  girl  is 
greatly  biased  by  the  amount  of  her  father's 
fortune,  or  the  income  she  may  hold  in  her  own 
right.  So  absorbing  is  the  universal  desire  for 
money,  and  so  much  in  the  habit  is  almost  every 
one  of  looking  at  it  as  the  greatest  good,  and  of 
seeking  it  rather  as  an  end  than  as  a  means  of 
usefulness,  that  even  those  who,  in  the  ordinary 
matters  of  life,  are  governed  by  the  best  of  mo- 
tives, are  apt  to  think  money  a  virtue  indispen- 
sable in  a  wife,  and  suffer  themselves  to  be  m- 
fluenced  in  their  choice  by  the  grovelling  and 
disgraceful  consideration  of  dollars  and  cents. 

As  the  end  for   which  marriage  is  contracted 
will  inevitably  qualify  the  union,  and  bring  un- 


180  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


happiness  just  in  the  degree  that  the  end  selfishly 
regards  external  things,  it  is  not  difficult  to  per- 
ceive that,  if  a  young  lady's  money  have  bfeen  the 
principal  virtue  in  the  eyes  of  her  lover,  a  mar- 
riage with  him  must  result  in  disappointment, 
and,  perhaps,  in  the  most  heartfelt  misery.  One, 
therefore,  who  has  the  misfortune  (shall  we  say?) 
to  inherit  riches,  needs  to  be  more  watchful  than 
any  other,  lest  her  hand  be  yielded  to  one  who 
thinks  more  of  her  wealth  than  of  her  person  and 
virtues.  She  will  be  in  less  danger  from  accept- 
ing the  hand  of  one,  born,  like  herself,  to  the 
possession  of  wealth,  if  he  be  virtuous,  high- 
minded,  and  actively  engaged  in  some  useful 
employment  as  a  professional  man,  or  merchant, 
than  in  accepting  the  hand  of  one  whose  exter- 
nal condition  is  unequal  to  her  own.  In  the 
former  case,  tastes,  habits,  and  social  relations, 
will  be  more  equal,  and  the  chances  of  happi- 
ness much  more  in  her  favor.  But,  if  she  be- 
lieve herself  to  be  sincerely  loved  for  herself  ii 
alone,  by  one  who  possesses  intelligence,  manly 
virtue,  and  tastes  that  harmonize  with  her  own, 
and  she  truly  and  sincerely  love  him  in  return, 
let  her  accept  the  offer  of  his  hand,  even  if  he 
have  not  a  tithe  of  the  wealth  that  has  fallen  to 
her  lot. 

In  marriage  there. should  always  exist  a  har- 


MARRIAGE. 


181 


monizing  equality  in  intellect,  education,  taste, 
and  habits  of  thinking.  No  woman  should  ever 
accept  the  hand  of  a  man  of  weaker  intellect 
and  grosser  tastes  than  herself;  for  a  union  with 
him  would  be  an  unnatural  one.  Man,  as  we 
have  shown,  is  characterized  by  intellect  and 
woman  by  affection ;  and  a  true  marriage  never 
takes  place  unless  where  a  woman  can  love  the 
moral  wisdom  of  her  husband ;  and  this  she  can- 
not do  if  his  intelligence  and  moral  perceptions 
be  inferior  to  her  own.  This  is  self-evident. 
We  often  see  a  woman  of  fine  mind  married  to 
a  man  who  is  altogether  her  inferior  in  educa- 
tion, taste,  refinement,  good  sense,  and  strength 
of  intellect;  and  in  such  cases  we  always  per- 
ceive sad  evidences  enough  that  by  both  the 
union  is  felt  to  be  an  unequal  one ;  and  often  the 
yoke  that  binds  her  to  her  companion  is  plainly 
enough  seeii  to  be  deeply  galling.  Men  of 
inferior  minds  are  usually  attracted  by  a  woman 
of  brilliant  talents ;  and,  strangely  enough,  women 
of  this  class  are  too  apt  to  unite  their  fortunes 
with  them,  —  in  too  many  instances,  it  is  feared, 
on  account  of  the  mere  external  advantages  that 
such  a  union  will  give  them.  But  dearly  enough 
do  they  usually  pay  for  their  unnatural  folly. 

All  genuine  love  is  founded  upon  respect.     No 
woman  can  have  the  kind  of  respect  for  a  man  who 
16 


182 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


is  inferior  to  herself  upon  which  love  is  founded 
and  therefore  no  woman  can  truly  love  a  man 
who  is  her  inferior  in  mental  and  moral  endow- 
ments. If  she  cannot  truly  love  him,  she  cannot 
be  happy  with  him;  and  to  marry  him  can  only 
be  an  act  of  folly  and  madness. 

Similarity  of  religious  faith  should  also  be 
considered  indispensable.  Where  there  is  a 
regard  for  religion,  it  forms  the  central  idea  in 
the  mind  ;  and  a  difference  on  a  matter  of  so 
much  importance  cannot  fail,  at  some  time  or 
other,  to  producer  a  jar  of  discord.  It  may  not 
come  until  the  interests  of  children  are  to  be 
regarded,  when  one  or  the  other  will  have  to 
yield  in  a  matter  involving  principles  felt  to  be 
of  the  most  vital  importance.  Who  shall  yield  ? 
Can  the  mother,  in  conscience,  .consent  to  have 
her  children  instructed  in  doctrines  that  she 
believes  will  lead  them  far  away  into  the  mazes 
of  err6r,  and  endanger  their  best  and  highest 
interests?  Can  the  father  believe  a  system  of 
religion  to  be  true,  and  not  teach  it  to  his  chil- 
dren ?  Will  he  not  be  deeply  culpable  if  he  neg- 
lect to  do  so?  Here  there  can  be  no  neutral 
ground,  no  yielding  on  the  part  of  either,  if 
both  be  equally  well  convinced  of  the  importance 
of  giving  their  children  early  religious  instruc' 
tion.     Painfully  embarrassing,  indeed,  is  the  con- 


MARRIAGE. 


183 


dition  of  parents  thus  situated,  and  sad  are  the 
results  that  too  often  flow  therefrom. 

If  what  we  have  alleged  in  regard  to  marriage 
be  really  so,  as  we  certainly  believe  it  to  be, 
then  true  internal  marriage  cannot  take  place 
between  those  who  think  differently  in  matters  of 
religion.  A  man  is  truly  a  man  by  virtue  of  his 
ability  to  grow  wise,  and  the  true  internal  union 
which  takes  place  between  a  husband  and  wife, 
is  in  her  love  of  his  wisdom  and  his  love  of  her, 
because  she  is  the  love  of  his  wisdom,  or  of 
those  things  that  his  intellect -sees  to  be  wisdom, 
and  which  he,  by  a  life  corresponding  thereto, 
acquires  to  himself.  By  wisdom  is  not  here 
meant  mere  knowledge  of  things,  as  of  natural 
sciences.  A  man  may  possess  the  most  extended 
knowledge,  and  yet  not  be  truly  wise.  A  wise 
man  is  a  just  man,  and  regards  the  good  of  all. 
He  not  only  sees  what  is  true,  but  he  conforms 
his  life  to  the  truth.  He  seeks  to  gain  all  knowl- 
edge within  his  ability  to  acquire,  in  order  that 
he  may  be  useful  to  his  fellow-man.  Now,  it  is 
this  kind  of  wisdom  in  a  man  that  a  woman  truly 
loves  in  a  true  marriage  relation;  and  this  is 
what  conjoins  them  —  this  is  what  makes  their 
union  an  internal  one.  And,  if  this  be  so,  how 
is  it  possible  for  a  woman  to  love  her  husband's 
wisdom,  if,  at  the  very  outset,  she  cannot  believe 


184 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


with  him  in  the  most  vital  thing  that  concerns 
them  —  religion  1  Instead  of  internal  union, 
there  must  exist  internal  discord.  How  can  she 
respect  his  intelligence,  when  in  a  matter  so 
plain  to  her  he  cannot  see  any  thing  but  error  1 
How  can  he  love  the  reflection  of  his  own  intel- 
ligence and  wisdom  in  her,  when  no  such  reflec- 
tion is  given  1 

If  this  be  not  plain  to  any  one,  let  her  consider 
well  what  has  been  said  in  regard  to  the  religious 
education  of  children,  and  see  in  that  a  sufficient 
reason  for  making  a  similarity  of  faith  an  indis- 
pensable thing  in  the  man  she  consents  to  marry. 

JMuch  more  could  be  said  on  the  very  impor- 
tant subject  of  marriage;  but  the  limit  of  this 
work  will  not  admit  of  our  dwelling  upon  it  any 
longer.  From  what  we  have  set  forth,  almost 
any  one  may  deduce  rules  of  action  for  her  own 
government ;  and  by  strictly  obeying  them,  she 
will  save  herself  from  the  wretchedness  of  a 
marriage  based  upon  false  instead  of  true 
principles. 


THE    YEAR    AFTER    MARRIAGE. 


185 


CHAPTER    XIX. 


THE    YEAR    AFTER    MARRIAGE. 


Happy  beyond  expression  in  finding  herself  the 
wedded  wife  of  the  man  in  whom  are  centred, 
she  would  fain  believe,  all  the  virtues  of  his  sex, 
a  young  woman  is  apt  to  forget  that  the  new 
position  in  which  she  is  placed  is  not  without  its 
trials.  But  she  must  remember  that  neither 
herself  nor  her  husband  is  perfect.  Both  are 
young  and  inexperienced,  with  characters  not 
yet  fully  developed,  and  the  hereditary  taint  of 
selfishness  uncorrected. 

The  first  year  after  marriage  is  that  which 
usually  tries  most  severely  the  young  wife,  and 
awakens  her  to  realities  that  sometimes,  for  a 
brief  season,  deeply  sadden  her  spirit.  It  is  by 
no  means  improbable  that  her  husband  suffers 
equally  with  herself  The  cause  lies  in  the  fact 
that  neither  the  one  nor  the  other  is  faultless. 
Both,  by  nature,  are  selfish.  They  have  this 
selfishness  by  hereditary  transmission  from  their 
parents;  and  it  cannot  be  removed  until  they 
have  attained  mature  age,  and  then  resist  its  per- 
verting influences  as  evil.  All  their  education 
16* 


186 


ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 


from  childhood  up,  with  all  the  good  principles 
taught  them  by  parents  and  teachers,  becomes 
means  in  their  hands  whereby  they  are  to  resist 
their  natural  tendencies  to  evil  and  overcome 
them.  But  this  is  not  the  work  of  a  moment, 
but  of  a  whole  lifetime.  At  the  period  when 
marriage  usually  takes  place,  but  little  progress 
has  been  made  in  overcoming  the  natural  incli- 
nations.    From  pride,  interest,  a  love  of  repu- 

^  tation,  or  other  causes,  they  are  concealed  from 
view ;  but  whatever  they  are,  they  will  inevitably 
show  themselves  to  the  young  wife  or  young  hus- 
band before  much  time  passes  beyond  the  honey- 
moon. The  selfishness  of  one  or  both,  in  some 
little  or  great  matter,  will  inevitably  exhibit  itself, 
to  the  surprise  and  grief  of  the  other. 

The  young  man  has  been,  we  will  suppose, 
his  own  master  for  some  two  or  three  years.  He 
has  been  in  the  habit  of  thinking  for  himself,  and 
consulting  his  own  reason  and  inclinations  in 
every  thing.  He  has  been  in  perfect  freedom. 
But  now  he  finds  that  he  can  no  longer  do  this ; 
he  is  no  longer  free.  Another  has  come  into  so 
close  a  relationship  with  him,  that  he  can  scarcely 

%  think  without  in  some  way  affecting  her.  There 
is  another  will,  also,  whose  promptings  have  to 
be  regarded.  It  is  hardly  to  be  supposed  that  he 
will  at  once  be  able  to  see  his  duty  to  his  young 


THE    YEAR    AFTER    MARRIAGE. 


187 


wife,  and  do  it  at  the  sacrifice  of  feeling  and  in- 
clination. 

Another  source  of  unhappiness  will  arise  from 
this  fact :  During  the  period  of  courtship,  the 
young  man  consults  the  tastes,  wishes,  incli- 
nations, and  preferences  of  the  young  lady,  and 
makes  them  his  own.  In  every  thing,  he  defers 
to  her.  It  is  his  highest  delight  to  make  her 
happy,  and  to  effect  this  he  is  ready  for  almost 
any  sacrifice.  After  marriage,  the  bride  still 
expects  this  entire  devotion  to  her,  and  the  same 
deference.  But  erelong  she  finds  that  the  hus- 
band is  less  assiduous  than  the  lover,  and  is  un- 
reasonable enough  to  have  a  will  of  his  own, 
tastes  of  his  own,  inclinations  and  preferences  of 
his  own,  and,  what  is  worse,  disposed  to  consult 
them  where  they  differ  from  hers,  instead  of  yield- 
ing all,  as  before.  It  may  be,  that,  in  the  first 
excitement  of  the  moment,  on  discovering  this, 
she  will  set  her  will  in  opposition  to  her  hue- 
band's,  and  endeavor  to  put  him  down.  Usually, 
this  experiment  proves  a  diflicult  one,  and  causes 
her  to  shed  many  bitter  tears.  She  may  become 
angry,  and  bring  accusations  of  want  of  affection, 
and  selfishness,  and  all  that,  against  her  husband  ; 
and  he,  surprised  and  confounded  at  this  unex- 
pected turn  of  affairs,  may  act  and  speak  in  a 
very  unreasonable,  and  perhaps  unkind  manner. 


188 


ADVICE    TO    YOU?>'G    LADIES. 


All  this  had  better  be  avoided,  if  possible,  and 
might  be  avoided,  if  each  party  were  more  given 
to  reflection  than  young  couples  usually  are ;  but 
it  is  not  so  very  serious  a  matter,  nor  so  much  to 
be  wondered  at,  and  will  work  its  own  cure,  but 
not  until,  by  being  made  very  unhappy  a  good 
many  times,  the  young  wife  perceives  her  error, 
and  the  young  husband  is  conscious  that  he  is  a 
little  too  self-willed. 

It  is  not  a  trifling  thing  for  two  minds  to  come 
into  such  close  contact  and  relationship  with 
each  other  as  marriage  effects.  And  when  we 
reflect  that  each  inherits  a  tendency  to  love  self 
supremely,  and  that  each  has  indulged  and  given 
strength  to  this  tendency,  it  is  not  at  all  to  be 
wondered  at,  that  there  should  at  first  be  some 
strings  of  discord  jarred.  It  would  be  stranger 
still  were  it  otherwise ;  for  every  selfish  affection, 
when  it  becomes  active,  seeks  its  own  ends,  re- 
gardless of  the  good  of  another. 

From  these  causes,  the  first  year  after  mar 
riage  will  usually  be  found  the  most  trying  and 
difficult  one  that  a  young  couple  has  to  pass. 
During  that  period,  however,  they  will  begin  to 
understand  themselves  and  each  other  better, 
and  mutually  correct  the  faults  that  produced 
unhappiness. 

It  does  not  always  happen  that  the  young  wife 


THE    YEAR    AFTER    MARRIAGE. 


189 


sets  her  will  against  that  of  her  husband ;  but  it 
almost  always  happens  that  she  finds  him  much 
more  disposed  to  consult  his  own  tastes  antl  in- 
clinations than  he  was  previous  to  marriage :  and 
she  will,  very  naturally,  feel  disappointed  at  this, 
and  be  led  to  think  that  he  does  not  love  her  as 
much  as  she  was  led  to  believe  that  he  did. 

The  perfections  with  which  young  lovers  are 
apt  to  invest  the  objects  of  their  choice  are  usu- 
ally about  as  much  in  imagination  as  reality. 
Faultlessness  appertains  to  no  human  being.  All 
have  defects,  and  all  are  born  in  evils.  These 
evils,  or  the  tendencies  to  them,  cannot,  as  has 
before  been  said,  be  removed,  except  by  each  in- 
dividual for  himself,  after  he  reaches  the  age  of 
rationality  and  freedom.  At  the  time  when  mar- 
riage takes  place,  but  little  has  been  done 
towards  the  removal  of  these  evils,  and  their 
existence  must  therefore  affect,  in  some  measure, 
all  who  come  into  the  very  intimate  relationship 
of  man  and  wife.  If,  instead  of  being  surprised 
and  made  unhappy,  on  feeling  these  effects,  every 
young  wife  would  seek  to  correct  what  was 
selfish  and  evil  in  her  own  heart,  she  would  so 
far  enable  her  husband  to  do  the  same,  and  so  far 
really  help  to  make  him  what,  in  the  fond  idolatry 
of  her  young  heart,  she  at  first  was  inclined  to 
believe  him. 


190 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


Let  every  young  wife  remember,  that,  to  be 
truly  happy,  both  herself  and  her  husband  must 
be  governed  by  religious  principles  in  all  their 
conduct  towards  each  other  and  society.  If  they 
give  themselves  up  to  a  mere  life  of  pleasure, 
they  will  commit  a  great  mistake;  for  pleas- 
ure, sought  as  an  end,  always  defeats  itself. 
-To  do  this  is  to  act  from  mere  selfishness  —  a 
motive  entirely  unworthy  of  the  human  mind. 
The  majority  of  young  persons  who  marry  do 
not  seem  to  have  any  idea  of  the  true  importance 
of  the  relation  they  have  assumed.  It  does  not 
seem  to  strike  them  as  a  very  serious  matter,  or 
as  involving  duties  and  responsibilities  of  the 
most  weighty  character.  They  love,  and,  in  sim- 
ply attaining  the  object  of  their  love,  believe  that 
they  have  arrived  at  the  summit  of  happiness, 
and  that  happiness  must  continue  to  be  theirs  so 
long  as  this  object  is  in  possession.  But,  there 
being  in  this  so  much  of  mere  selfishness,  it  is 
no  wonder  that,  in  a  very  short  time,  the  scales 
fall  from  their  eyes,  and  they  are  made  sensibly 
to  feel  that  something  more  is  required  of  them 
than  idly  to  rest  in  the  supreme  felicity  of 
loving  and  being  beloved. 

It  usually  takes  as  long  a  period  as  a  year  to 
correct  the  misconceptions  of  a  young  married 
couple ;  and  during  this  time,  they  often  feel  the 


A    COMMON    MISTAKE. 


191 


jarring  of  discordant  strings  both  in  themselves 
and  each  other.  Then  they  begin  to  see  with  a 
more  purified  vision,  and  to  enter  more  seriously 
upon  their  duties  in  life,  which  call  for  earnest- 
ness of  purpose,  and  a  mutual  looking  to  the 
same  end.  The  very  pressure  of  external  circum- 
stances brings  them  into  a  more  intimate  near- 
ness to  each  other  ;  and  the  effort  to  do  right,  in 
the  various  relations  they  hold  to  each  other  and 
society,  hid.es  more  and  more  the  faults  of 
each,  and  brings  forth  into  a  clearer  view  the 
excellences  that  form  the  true  groundwork  of 
their  characters. 


CHAPTER   XX. 


A    COMMON    MISTAKE. 


A  COMMON  mistake  which  most  .young  couples 
commit  is  that  of  commencing  the  world  in  too 
imposing  a  manner.  The  desire  to  make  an  ap- 
pearance is  usually  quite  strong;  and  it  often 
happens  that  the  young  husband  is  more  disposed 
for  a  "  dash,"  than  the  wife,  especially  if  she 
have  always  been  used  to  a  good  style  of  living 


192 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


in  her  father's  house.  Pride  will  not  permit  him 
to  place  her  in  a  lower  external  position  than  the 
one  she  left  when  she  became  his  wife.  Nor  is 
he  always  content  with  this.  A  little  more  ele- 
gance and  style  is  often  assumed,  and  a  rate  of 
expenditure  adopted  that  is  not  unfrequently 
entirely  out  of  all  fair  proportion  to  the  income. 
It  matters  little  whether  this  income  be  five  thou- 
sand or  five  hundred  per  annum ;  in  the  outset, 
the  temptation  to  drav/  too  heavily,  or  even  to  go 
beyond  it,  is  very  great. 

It  most  generally  happens  that  the  young  wife 
never  thinks  of  inquiring  how  far  the  means  of 
her  husband  will  warrant  the  rate  of  expenditure 
at  which  they  are  living.  She  naturally  enough 
supposes  that  he  will  not  go  beyond  his  ability. 
Deceived  by  the  freedom  with  which  he  spends 
his  money,  she  is  often  led  into  extrava- 
gances of  dress  entirely  at  variance  with  their 
real  condition  in  life,  and  remains  utterly  un- 
conscious of  the  fact  that  she  is  an  obje(^  of 
remark  and  censure  to  those  who  are  much  better 
acquainted  with  the  real  circumstances  of  her 
husband  than  she  is.  The  consequences  of  errors 
of  this  kind  are  often  very  severely  felt.  Many 
a  young  couple's  fair  prospects  in  life  have  been 
blighted  by  early  extravagance,  the  result  of 
weak    pride    on    the   part  of  the    husband,   and 


A    COMMON    MISTAKE. 


193 


thoughtlessness  and  pride  on  the  part  of  the 
wife. 

After  marriage,  the  interests  of  a  young  couple 
become  one,  and  the  feeling  of  delicacy  that  pre- 
vents the  wife  from  inquiring  into  her  husband's 
affairs,  and  becoming  thoroughly  acquainted  with 
them,  should  be  laid  aside.  All  reserve  on  this 
subject  ought  now  to  cease,  and  the  fullest  con- 
fidence begin.  The  style  of  living  adopted 
should  be  that  which  the  judgments  of  both  de- 
termine to  be  right,  after  clearly  understanding 
the  real  or  probable  amount  of  their  income ; 
and  it  should  be  a  matter  of  fixed  principle  never 
to  go  beyond,  but  always  to  keep  within,  this 
income.  It  will  be  much  easier  to  begin  right 
than  to  get  right  after  having  made  a  wrong  be- 
ginning. 

The  error  of  young  married  persons  beginning 
the  world  in  the  style  of  those  who  have  been 
ten,  twenty,  or  thirty  years  in  acquiring  the  means 
whereby  to  live  in  elegance  or  luxury,  is  a  very 
common  one.  In  order  to  support  this  style, 
they  often  expend  every  dollar  of  income,  and 
too  frequently  are  tempted  to  go  beyond  this, 
involving  themselves  in  debt,  and  creating  em- 
barrassments that  are  never  entirely  got  over. 

It  will  almost  always  be  in  the  power  of  a  young 
wife  to  prevent  this.  By  assuming  a  modest  style 
17 


194 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


of  living,  and  exercising  economy  in  every  thing, 
in  the  first  few  years  of  married  life,  when  all  ex- 
penditures for  real  wants  are  never  large,  enough 
may  always  be  saved  to  meet  the  increasing 
demands  of  later  years.  The  pleasure  of  spend- 
ing money  uselessly  never  compensates  for  its 
want,  but  rather  imbitters  the  privations  that 
such  want  entails.  If  the  husband's  means  of 
supporting  the  style  in  which  he  wishes  to  see 
his  wife  live,  and  in  which  he  proposes  that  she 
shall  live,  are  really  insufficient,  he  cannot  be 
wholly  unaware  of  the  fact,  and  will  not  feel 
inclined  to  oppose  her  strongly,  if  she  voluntarily 
suggest  that  it  may  be  better  for  them  to  assume 
a  less  expensive  style.  That  she  may  have  some 
distinct  idea,  in  the  outset,  and  before  an  error  is 
committed,  of  how  they  ought  to  live,  a  young 
bride  should  always  consult  her  parents  on  the 
subject.  They  know  pretty  nearly  the  extent  of 
her  husband's  income,  how  much  he  ought  to 
spend,  and  v.'hat  style  it  will  be  best  for  them  to 
live  in.  Having  this  information,  she  will  be 
able  to  act  the  part  of  a  true  wife,  and  wisely 
restrain  her  husband,  if  he  should  be  disposed  to 
run  into  extravagance,  from  beginning  the  world 
in  a  style  of  expenditure  that  cannot  be  long 
supported. 

A  little  prudence  and  economy  in  the  outset 


CONCLUSION. 


195 


will  go  far  towards  preventing  the  reverses  that  so 
frequently  overtake  us  in  this  life ;  for  the  modes 
of  living  with  which  we  start,  usually  become 
habits  with  us.  If  these  are  extravagant,  it  will 
be  a  difficult  matter  ever  afterwards  to  overcome 
them  entirely ;  but  if  they  are  prudent  and  eco- 
nomical, they  will  not  only  save  us  from  going 
beyond  our  means  in  the  outset,  but  prove  a 
guaranty  of  our  success  in  the  future. 


CHAPTER   XXI. 


CONCLUSION. 


'  It  would  have  been  an  easy  matter  to  have 
said  much  more  than  we  have  said  on  each  of  the 
topics  discussed  in  this  book,  and  to  have  intro- 
duced others.  But  if,  in  matters  of  primary  in- 
terest, we  have  correct  views,  these  will  guide  us 
in  all  things  subordinate.  Right  thinking,  as 
we  stated  in  the  outset,  is  the  basis  of  all  right 
action  ;  and  it  is  therefore  much  better  to  learn 
to  think  right  than  to  burden  the  memory  with 
modes  of  action  in  which  no  principle  of  right  is 
clearly  perceived. 


190 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


In  the  beginning,  we  called  especial  attention 
io  the  necessity  of  acting  from  a  religious  prin- 
ciple, as  the  only  means  of  becoming  truly  use- 
ful and  truly  happy.  We  showed  in  the  chapter 
on  marriage,  that  the  end  gives  quality  to  the 
act.  This  is  as  true  of  one  act  as  of  another. 
The  dictates  of  common  politeness  prompt  to  a 
regard  for  the  comfort  and  pleasure  of  others ; 
but  the  end  that  governs  in  mere  politeness  is  a 
selfish  one,  for  it  is  grounded  in  a  love  of  reputa- 
tion, or  a  wish  to  be  thought  well-bred,  and  does 
not  flow  from  a  desire  for  the  good  of  another. 
But  a  religious  principle  is  a  sincere  desire  for 
another's  good,  based  upon  a  denial  of  mere  self- 
ish feelings,  because  they  are  seen  to  be  evil,  and 
opposed  to  the  divine  laws  which  were  originally 
written  upon  the  heart,  and  which  prompted 
every  one  to  seek  the  good  of  his  neighbor.  To 
act,  therefore,  from  religious  principles,  is  to  act 
from  the  highest,  purest,  and  best  end  that  can 
influence  a  human  being  —  an  end  that  will 
surely  lead  to  true  usefulness  and  happiness. 

Where  religious  principles  govern  any  one,  the 
danger  of  committing  important  errors  is  very 
small ;  for  selfishness,  which  always  blinds  and 
deceives,  is  subordinate,  and  the  wish  to  do  good 
to  others  uppermost  in  the  mind.  Every  act  is 
then  well  considered,  lest  its  effect  be  injurious 


CONCLUSION. 


igi 


to  another,  or  entail  disabilities  upon  the  actor 
that  will  prevent  him  from  discharging,  at  some 
future  period,  his  duties  to  others,  which  would 
be  to  wrong  them. 

To  one  who  is  inexperienced  in  life,  and  who 
feels  that  the  most  desirable  thing  in  the  world  is 
the  gratification  of  her  own  wishes  and  the  seek- 
ing freely  her  own  pleasures,  there  is  nothing 
attractive  in  the  idea  of  regarding  the  good  of 
others  in  all  she  does.  This  seems  to  her  like 
giving  up  every  thing  that  makes  life  desirable. 
But  she  has  yet  to  learn  the  meaning  of  this 
divine  law,  that  "  it  is  more  blessed  to  give  than 
to  receive."  She  has  yet  to  have  her  mind 
opened  to  the  higher  truth,  that  in  seeking  to 
make  others  happy,  there  is  a  delight  inconceiv- 
ably beyond  what  is  to  be  found  in  any  mere 
selfish  and  exclusive  regard  for  our  own  happi- 
ness. Indeed,  happiness  is  a  thing  that,  when 
sought  for  as  an  end,  never  comes.  It  is  not  a 
positive  something  that  the  mind  can  seek  for 
and  find,  but  a  consequence  that  flows  from  good 
actions.  Idle  pleasure-seeking  is,  therefore,  a 
vain  and  worse  than  useless  employment.  It  dis- 
appoints the  expectations,  and  leaves  the  mind 
restless  and  dissatisfied.  But  a  diligent  and 
faithful  performance,  every  .day,  of  what  the 
hands  and  intellect  find  to  do,  brings  with  it  a 
17* 


198 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


heartfelt  reward,  a  deep  satisfaction.  Thus  dill* 
gently  to  perform  our  every-day  duties,  because 
to  neglect  them  would  be  to  injure  others,  at  the 
same  time  that  we  look  to  the  Giver  of  all  good 
for  ability  to  enable  us  faithfully  to  do  what  is 
right,  is  to  act  from  a  religious,  because  an  un- 
selfish, principle.  That  which  separates  us  from 
God,  and  produces  all  the  mental  disorders  under 
which  we  labor,  is  selfishness.  There  is  no 
means  of  returning  to  God,  and  to  true  order, 
except  by  denying  self;  and  this  we  do  when  we 
seek,  in  all  the  various  relations  of  life,  to  dis- 
charge our  duties  for  the  sake  of  good  to  others. 
Of  ourselves  we  cannot  act  from  this  high  mo- 
tive ;  it  comes  from  God,  who  alone  is  good,  and 
from  whom  all  good  flows.  But  we  can  shun  the 
evil  of  selfishness,  by  denying  it  the  gratification 
of  its  inordinate  desires,  and  compelling  ourselves 
faithfully  to  do  whatever  useful  thing  comes  in 
our  way ;  and  then  the  love  of  doing  good  will 
flow  into  our  minds,  and  we  shall  feel  a  higher 
delight  than  ever  before  thrilled  through  our 
bosoms. 

A  woman,  from  the  time  she  steps  forth  upon 
the  stage  of  life,  is  surrounded  by  the  means  of 
being  useful  to  and  doing  good  to  others.  She 
need  not  go  out  of  her  v/ay  to  seek  for  objects  to 
benefit.     She  need  not  lay  down  plans  of  useful- 


CONCLUSION. 


199 


ness  that  extend  beyond  the  circle  of  her  every 
day  domestic  life.  All  around  her  are  clustered 
the  means  of  doing  good  to  others;  and  one 
would  think  that  a  harder  struggle  were  required 
to  turn  from  them  than  to  enter  diligently  into 
the  use  of  these  means.  How  much  good  may 
not  a  sister  do  among  her  brothers  and  sisters ! 
There  is  not  a  day,  nor  an  hour  in  the  day,  that 
she  may  not,  by  some  act  or  word,  do  a  lasting 
good.  In  the  divine  providence  she  is  thus 
placed,  with  ability  in  the  midst  of  those  who 
need  the  exercise  of  her  ability  to  do  them  good. 
She  is  thus  placed,  in  order  that  she  may  do  them 
good.  In  like  circumstances,  Providence  pro- 
vided those  who  could  guide  and  instruct  her,  ano 
minister  to  her  wants.  If,  instead  of  faithfully 
performing  her  duty,  she  seek  rather  her  own 
pleasures,  she  acts  from  a  selfish  and  debasing 
end,  that,  while  it  does  wrong  to  others,  leaves 
her  own  mind  unsatisfied  or  positively  unhappy  , 
but  if,  from  a  love  of  these  little  ones,  or  a 
sense  of  her  duty  to  them,  she  supply  their  wants, 
and  do  all  in  her  power  to  elevate  their  thoughts 
and  affections,  and  lead  them  to  good,  she  wib 
experience  an  inward  peace  and  satisfaction  tha* 
will  be  felt  as  a  suiBcient  rev/ard. 

To    her    mother,    the    grown-up,    unmarried 
daughter  may,  if  she  will,  prove  a  comfort  and  a 


200 


ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES. 


blessing.  She  can  lighten  her  cares  by  assum- 
ing many  of  them  herself;  she  can  become  her 
sympathizing  friend  and  companion,  and  warm 
her  heart  with  the  sweet  consciousness  of  being 
loved  by  her  child  with  that  genuine  affection 
that  ever  seeks  to  bless  its  object.  It  is  a  pain- 
ful sight  to  see  a  daughter  manifesting  indrffer- 
ence  towards  her  mother,  and  seeming  to  think 
of  her  only  when  she  wants  some  service.  The 
unselfishness  of  a  mother's  love  —  its  untiring 
devotion  —  its  anxious  care  —  merit  a  better 
reward.  If  love  prompt  not  a  young  lady  to 
think  of  her  mother  and  seek  to  do  her  good,  let 
a  sense  of  duty  compel  her  to  act  with  due  con- 
sideration towards  her,  and  she  will  soon  find 
that  to  be  a  pleasure  which  at  first  seemed  irk- 
some, and  wonder  at  the  selfishness  of  her  heart 
that  could  have  made  her  indifferent  towards  one 
who  has  so  many  claims  upon  her  love  and  grati- 
tude. Whenever  we  compel  ourselves  to  do 
right,  we  come  into  new  and  better  states,  and 
are  then  enabled  to  persevere  in  well-doing  from 
the  warmth  of  a  genuine  affection,  rather  than 
from  a  coercive  sense  of  duty.  This  truth  should 
be  laid  up  in  the  memory  of  every  young  lady ; 
it  will  encourage  her  to  well-doing  even  under 
the  disheartening  sense  of  a  want  of  high  and 
generous  motives,  which  we  all  sometimes  feel. 
To  her  companions  every  young  lady  has  a 


CONCLUSION. 


201 


duty  to  perform,  whicli  she  will  fail  to  do,  unless 
governed  by  a  religious  principle.  It  is  a  very 
easy  thing,  in  our  associations  with  others,  to 
think  only  of  ourselves.  To  this  we  are  all  natu- 
rally inclined.  But  to  do  so,  is  to  be  unjust;  for 
when  we  think  only  of  our  own  pleasures  and  our 
own  interests,  we  are  sure  to  seek  them  at  the 
expense  of  the  pleasures  and  interests  of  others. 
This  is  the  inevitable  result  of  all  selfish  action. 
It  is  impossible  for  us  to  act  in  society  without  in 
some  way  affecting  others,  and  according  to  the 
ends  which  govern  us  will  be  the  quality  of  our 
acts.  If  we  have  a  generous  regard  for  others  in 
what  we  do,  we  shall  be  sure  to  make  others 
happy  ;  but  if  only  a  regard  for  ourselves,  we 
shall  as  certainly,  in  something,  trespass  upon  the 
rights  or  feelings  of  others.  In  the  society  of  her 
light-hearted  friends,  a  young  lady  will  often  find 
herself  tempted  to  say,  or  respond  affirmatively  to, 
a  disparaging  word  of  an  absent  one ;  or  she  will 
feel  disposed,  from  not  wishing  to  disturb  the 
self-complacency  of  a  friend,  to  hear  unfavorable 
things  said  of  another  that  she  knows  are  untrue, 
and  which  a  single  remark  from  her  can  cor- 
rect; or  she  may  have  an  eager  desire  to  secure 
some  good  to  herself,  at  the  expense  of  bitter 
disappointment  in  one  less  able  to  bear  it  than 
herself.  In  fact,  there  are  a  hundred  ways  in 
which  the  well-being,  good  name,  or  happiness 


202        ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

of  another  is  placed  in  her  hands,  and  which 
she  will  be  tempted  to  sacrifice.  We  need  not 
say  what  her  duty  is  under  such  circumstances. 
The  higher  and  better  perceptions  of  every  one 
will  point  to  that. 

As  year  after  year  passes  by,  a  young  lady  will 
be  brought  into  circumstances  of  closer  and 
closer  relationship  with  others,  until  at  length 
she  finds  herself  occupying  the  important  posi- 
tion of  a  wife  and  mother,  in  which  every  act  of 
her  life,  and  almost  every  thought  and  word, 
must  necessarily  have  either  a  good  or  a  bad 
effect  upon  others.  Self-denial  and  regard  for 
the  good  of  others  she  is  now  more  than  ever 
called  upon  to  exercise;  and  in  their  exercise 
she  can  alone  find  true  peace  of  mind.  All 
turning  of  thought  inward  upon  self  as  an  ob- 
ject of  primary  consideration,  all  looking  to  the 
attainment  of  selfish  ends  and  selfish  gratifica- 
tion, will  react  upon  her  with  a  disturbing  force ; 
for  she  cannot  do  this  without  interfering  in 
some  way  with  the  comfort  or  happiness  of  those 
in  whose  comfort  and  happiness  her  own  is  inex- 
tricably involved.  The  mother  who  neglects  her 
child  in  the  eager  pursuit  of  some  phantom  of 
pleasure,  or  for  the  attainment  of  ease,  will  make 
that  child  unhappy,  and  herself  doubly  so ;  for 
she  can  no  more  expel  from  her  mind  a  con- 
sciousness of  having   wronged  that  child,  than 


CONCLUSION. 


203 


she  can  prevent  being  disturbed  by  the  evi- 
dences of  her  neglect.  The  same  will  be  true 
if  she  think  more  of  her  own  ease  and  pleasure 
than  she  does  of  her  husband's  comfort.  He 
cannot  but  feel  this  want  of  true  consideration 
for  him  both  in  mind  and  person  ;  and  he  will 
certainly  exhibit  what  he  feels  in  a  way  to  dis- 
turb the  self-complacency  of  his  wife,  even 
though  his  regard  for  her  may  be  so  strong  as  to 
make  him  careful  not  to  do  so  intentionally. 

Thus,  in  any  and  all  positions  where  a  woman 
is  placed,  she  will  find  that  only  in  a  faithful  dis- 
charge of  life's  varied  duties,  from  a  regard  to  the 
good  of  others,  is  there  any  true  happiness ;  for 
this  is  to  act  from  a  religious  principle.  To  act 
thus  brings  more  than  an  earthly  reward ;  by 
such  a  life,  she  is  prepared  for  heavenly  felicities, 
which  consist  alone  in  the  delight  that  springs 
from  doing  good.  In  heaven  no  one  thinks  of 
self,  nor  seeks  his  own  gratification ;  but  all,  from 
genuine  love,  seek  the  good  of  others,  and  their 
happiness  consists  in  the  delight  that  springs 
from  the  attainment  of  their  ends.  If  we  wish 
to  come  into  a  heavenly  society  at  death,  we  must 
act  from  heavenly  principles  here.  There  is  no 
other  way.  This  is  the  straight  and  narrow  path 
that  leads  to  eternal  felicity,  and  all  who  wish  to 
gain  that  desirable  state  must  walk  therein. 


204  ADVICE    TO    YOUNG    LADIES.  jj 

And  now,  in  conclusion,  we  beg  of  our  fair  ! : 

young  friends  to  lay  deeply  to  heart  the  matters  ■  i 

contained  in  this  book,  and  to  strive  in  all  things  '  | 

to   act  from  those  godlike  principles  of  love  to  1 1 

others  that  were  at  first  written  on  the  human  :  I 

heart  by   the  Creator.     Every  act  of   our  lives  ij 

affects  some  one  either  for  good  or  for  evil.     We  \  \ 

are  constantly  lending  an  impulse  to  the  great         ,  j } 
effort  in  human  society  to  return  to  true  order  and  j  | 

happiness,  or  retarding  its  movements.    Of  course,  l| 

the   effects   of  our    actions    are   not   limited   to  :  | 

the   individuals  who  first  feel  them,  nor  to  the  \ 

time  in  which  we  live.     Our   act  is   felt  and  re-  j 

produced  with  a  greater  or  diminished  force  by 
the  one  who  receives  it.  If  we  help  others  in 
the  development  of  good  principles,  we  give  them 
power  to  do  good  that  may  effect  beneficially 
hundreds,  yea,  thousands.  There  is  no  telling 
where  the  widening  circle  of  influence  may  stop. 
And  the  same  is  true  when  by  our  acts  we 
strengthen  or  force  into  activity  the  evil  qualities 
which  any  one  has  inherited. 

From  this  it  may  be  seen  how  great  is  the  re- 
sponsibility resting  upon  each  one  of  us,  and  how 
much  good  or  evil  we  may  do  in  our  way  through 
life. 


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HEROES  OF  THE  AMErJCAN  REVOLUTION. 

Lives  of  the  Heroes  of  the  American  Revo- 
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and  strength  which  we  now  so  eminently  enjoy.  It 
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LIFE  OF  WASHINGTON. 

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trayed without  bringing  into  view  many  important 
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view  his  actions  and  his  writings ;  and  he  has,  as  far 
as  possible,  made  this  exhibition  in  the  person  of 
General  Washington." 

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Poetry,  and  a  Sketch  of  his  Life,  by  Doctor 
Johnson. — Fine  Portrait. 

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ADVICE  TO  YOUNG  LADIES. 

Advice  to  Young  Ladies,  on  their  Duties  and 
Conduct  in  Life  :  by  T.  S,  Arthur,  author  of 
"Advice  to  Young  Men,"  "The  Maiden," 
<'  Wife,"  and  "  Mother,"  &c.  &c. 

In  his  introduction,  the  author  says  :  "  Right  modes 
of  thinking  are  the  basis  of  all  correct  action.  This 
is  just  as  true  of  one  sex  as  the  other.  Although 
man  has  the  power  of  abstract  tho'ight,  and  the 
faculty  of  reasoning,  in  a  higher  degree  iLan  woman, 
yet  woman  is  none  the  less  a  ratioi:al  being,  and 
must,  in  all  the  various  relations  in  life,  come  under 
tbe  guidance  of  right  reason."  1  vol.  large  18mo., 
bound  in  gilt  and  plain  bindings. 


^- 


>,'W-»/>.'W-V^^Q 


T 


NAPOLEON  BONAPARTE. 


Life  and  Campaigns  of  Napoleon  Bonaparte  : 
Giving  an  account  of  all  his  engagements,  from  the 
si(3ge  of  Toulon  to  the  battle  of  Waterloo  ;    also 

<  embracing  accounts  of  the  daring  exploits  of  his 
\  Marshals  ;  together  with  his  public  and  private  life, 
I  from  the  commencement  of  his  career  to  his  final  im- 
\  prisonment  and  death  on  the  rock  of  St.  Helena. 
^  Translated  from  the  French  of  M.  A.  Arnault  and 
i  C.  L.  F.  Pauckoucke.  New  edition,  in  one  volume, 
I  illustrated. 

i  This  is  unquestionably  the  most  authentic,  impar- 
]  tial,  and  complete  life  of  this  great  General  now 
i  before  the  American  public.  The  translator  says  in 
f  his  preface  :  "  In  ushering  these  memoirs  of  the  life 

<  of  Napoleon  Bonaparte  into  the  world,  we  have  not 
I  confined  ourselves  to  the  splendid  work  of  M.  A. 
>  Arnault ;  but,  in  order  to  furnish  a  faithful  narrative, 
?  public,  political,  and  private,  have  availed  ourselves 
^  of  every  species  of  information  afforded  by  different 

<  authorities,  from  the  commencement  of  the  career  of 
I  the  departed  hero,  to  the  closing  scene  of  his  last 

hours  at  St.  Helena. 


BURNS'  POETICAL  WORKS. 

The  Poetical  Works  of  Robert  Burns,  including 
several  pieces  not  inserted  in  Dr.  Currie's 
EDITION  ;  exhibited  under  a  new  plan  of  ar- 
rangement, and  preceded  by  a  Life  of  the 
Author,  and  complete  Glossary. 

In  comparing  this  edition  with  others,  it  will  be 
found  to  possess  several  advantages.  It  contains, 
besides  a  number  of  other  pieces  not  inserted  in  Dr. 
Currie's  edition,  The  Jolly  Beggars,  a  cantata  replete 
with  humorous  description  and  discrimination  of 
character ;  as  also  his  celebrated  Holy  Willie's 
Prayer,  a  piece  of  satire  unequalled   for   exquisite 

i  severity  and  felicitous  delineacion. 

?      In  tke  editions  hitherto  published,  no  regard  is  paid  I; 

i  to  method  or  classification.     In  this,  the  poems  are  i; 


disposed  according  to  their  respective  subjeits,  and 
divided  into  books. 

This  edition  is  all  comprised  in  one  very  neat  12mo. 
volume,  with  a  beautiful  portrait,  and  may  be  had  in 
the  various  elegant  and  plahi  styles  of  binding 
described  above. 


PILGRIM'S  PROGRESS. 

'  The  Pilgrim's  Progress  from  this  world  to  that 

WHICH  IS  to  come  :  DELIVERED  UNDER  THE  SIMILI- 
TUDE OF  A  Dream,  —  by  John  Bunyan.  Also, 
containing  original  notes,  and  a  life  of  the 
Author,  by  the  Rev.  Thomas  Scott,  Chaplain 
TO  THE  Lock  Hospital. 

Bunyan  says  of  this  work,  that  when  formed  into 
a  book,  and  shown  to  his  friends, 

"  Some  said,  John,  print  it ;  others  said,  Not  so  ; 
Some  said,  It  mi  ^hl  do  good  ;  others  said,  No." 

The  public  will  not  hesitate  in  determining-  which 
opinion  was  the  result  of  the  deeper  penetration  ;  but 
will  wonder  that  a  long  apology  for  such  a  publica- 
tion should  have  been  deemed  necessary,  when  it  is 
stated,  that  perhaps  this  work  has  had  a  more  univer- 
sal and  lasting  sale  than  any  other  in  the  English 
language,  save  that  of  the  Bible. 

The  work  is  complete  in  1  vol.  12mo.,  embellished 
with  fine  engravings,  and  is  done  up  in  plain  and  rich 
bindings,  suited  to  the  tastes  and  means  of  all  classes. 


MILTON  AND  YOUNG. 

CoNTAiNiNi}  Paradise  Lost,  in  twelve  parts,  by 

\      John  ^Iilton  ; — and  Night  Thoughts  on  Life, 

5      Death  and  Lmmortality  ;  to  which  is  added, 

S      The   Force  of   Religion,  by  Edward  Young,  \ 

\\      I>.  D.  \ 

\\      This  volume  is  printed  in  very  neat  style,  with  \ 

line  around  the  page,  and  contains  a  fine  portrait  of  / 

Milton  ;  and  is  bound  in  the  varieties  spoken  of  above  ^ 

in  connection  with  Cowper's  Poems.  < 


\ 


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